Extinct (2021) – Holey Moley

Released: 16th September
Seen: 20th November

Extinct Info

Sometimes you just look at a poster for a film and you just know that this is going to be a bad time, you just have that undeniable feeling that whatever you’re about to go through for the next hour and a half is going to be excruciating. Upon seeing the poster for Extinct it’s hard to deny that the feeling of “Oh god” was running rampant, and that feeling only got worse upon seeing the trailer. Well, the good news is that Extinct is not as awful as one might’ve expected based on first appearances… but that’s only because it’s so middle of the road that awfulness might be an improvement.

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Snake Eyes: G.I. Joe Origins (2021) – Half The Battle

Released: 22nd July
Seen: 14th November

Snake Eyes Info

The G.I. Joe film franchise is honestly a little baffling, to say the least. The first two films were critical duds, barely made back their money at the domestic box office, they don’t even seem to be the sort of films that the critics hated but audiences loved. It’s a franchise that doesn’t make a buttload of money, get critical praise or have a cult following so I don’t know why it still exists… but for some reason they made a third movie around the origins of the Snake Eyes character (because as X-Men will confirm, it’s always a good idea to just make an origins movie) and… well, at least Henry Golding’s got some good footage for his reel but not sure what else there is.

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Jungle Cruise (2021) – Ship Shape

Released: 29th July
Seen: 12th November

Jungle Cruise Info

The history of movies based on theme park rides is littered with dull trash that offers nothing exciting. Think about it, with the exception of Pirates of the Caribbean and the recent Muppets Haunted Mansion, there aren’t exactly a lot of theme park movies that turn out to be passable let alone actually good. This would explain why, when the announcement of a Jungle Cruise movie was made, it was met with a collective sigh and many people preparing for it to suck… and now it’s out, up on Disney Plus without the premium price and oh my god how is this thing so good?

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Eternals (2021) – Not Your Normal MCU

Released: 3rd November
Seen: 3rd November

Eternals Info

It’s kind of nice having a whole bunch of Marvel films back in cinemas again, with several coming out this year and even more next year, it’s like it was before the world went to hell and back. Well, now it’s time for one of the big ones… Eternals, directed by the woman who brought us Nomadland and that has been getting a thrashing by critics who proclaim it to be the worst MCU film. Is it really the worst MCU film or is this some backlash to actual serious attempts at diversity? Yeah, probably the second one.

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Shang Chi and the Legend of the Ten Rings (2021) – Pure Fun

Released: 2nd September
Seen: 27th October

The last time I saw an MCU film in the cinemas was 1st of July 2019, the film in question being Spider-man: Far From Home. It’s so weird to think that it’s been so long since there’s been an MCU film in a cinema, if you’d told me after seeing that film that we would’ve gone a little over 2 years without getting a MCU film in the cinema near me I would’ve called you insane. That’s been our weird little reality though, the franchise that effectively owned the box office took a couple of years off because they had no choice. 

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Vacation Friends (2021) – Vacation Acquaintances

Released: 27th August
Seen: 24th October

There is a specific kind of comedy movie that goes something like this. A stuck in the mud guy who lives a boring life runs into a loud eccentric maniac who somehow manages to keep living despite being borderline insane. This leads to a series of shenanigans, a fight between the two leads and eventually they make up or the smart ones let reality set in to keep them apart. At its best you can get something like The Cable Guy which took this premise to its darkest point, at worst you get something like The Wrong Missy which is a film that should be used to torture prisoners. Today we’re going to look at the comfortable middle with Vacation Friends, because I need something nice and easy.

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Escape Room: Tournament Of Champions (2021) – Get Me Out Of Here

Released: 1st July
Seen: 10th October

Escape Room: Tournament Of Champions Info

Over the last few years, it appears that one of the big things in horror movies is “What if escape rooms were actually deadly?”. No, not like in the Saw films where you have deadly traps in rooms you need to escape, but literal escape rooms with puzzles to solve and if you don’t solve them fast enough you will die somehow.

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Free Guy (2021) – GOTY Material

Released: 12th August
Seen: 29th September

Free Guy Info

The video game movie is obscenely hard to get right, some might suggest that it’s impossible because once you remove the players’ ability to influence the action then you fundamentally change the story to the point where any adaptation just won’t work… I’d suggest it’s just because the people making movies don’t know anything about video games other than they make money, so why not make a movie about them. 

Things can go horribly wrong, from the story not suiting the game (Hi Sonic) to the actors being horribly cast (Super Mario Brothers… both live action and the upcoming animated versions honestly. Seriously, Chris Pratt is Mario, that’s a thing that’s happening), it’s so easy to screw up. Then along comes Free Guy to do a video game movie absolutely perfectly.

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Fast & Furious 9 (2021) – Deliciously Dumb

Released: 17th June
Seen: 9th September

Fast & Furious 9 Info

Remember when the Fast & Furious franchise was just about underground car racing? Remember the early films that were just about this cop who infiltrated an underground racing ring? Feels so long ago, now they’ve turned into superhero films but with cars instead of superpowers where every movie has some giant cataclysmic world-ending event that can only be stopped by Vin Diesel doing a really sick burnout off the top of a skyscraper. It’s the dumbest movie franchise and it is just endlessly fun almost because it is so spectacularly dumb. Now we’re up to Fast & Furious 9 and god damn it keeps getting dumber and I keep just enjoying its celebration of stellar stupidity.

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The Suicide Squad (2021) – Absolutely Superb

Released: 5th August
Seen: 2nd September

The Suicide Squad Info

You may have noticed that for a few months not I’ve not been able to do any reviews for films currently in cinema. In fact, the last film I even got to see in a cinema was In The Heights way back in June. Why? Because I live in Australia and I live in a state that’s had such a bad covid infestation that we’ve been in lockdown for over 2 months.

Obviously “Hobbyist reviewer can’t see films in a cinema” is a problem worthy of the tiniest violin in the grand scheme of things but it’s still the reason why I’m about a month late seeing The Suicide Squad and why films like Candyman, Shang Chi, Respect and Free Guy haven’t been reviewed here. If I can somehow rent them, or the lockdown ends soon, I hope to get to them but that’s why this blog is even more out of date than it normally is… but now I’ve seen The Suicide Squad, time to ramble on about how awesome it is.

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