The Hitman's Wife's Bodyguard Title Card

The Hitman’s Wife’s Bodyguard (2021) – It’s a little looney

Released: 24th June
Seen: 10th June (Advance Screening)

The Hitman's Wife's Bodyguard Info

4 years ago, The Hitman’s Bodyguard was released to theatres and it was a cartoon-scented blast of joy straight to the heart. A giddy concoction made up of equal parts explosions and the word “motherfucker” that gave the audience a mindless ride that went for a few hours with some of the most charismatic stars to be put on this planet. Naturally, a movie that’s going for something that broad made bank and so, with The Hitman’s Wife’s Bodyguard, we get a sequel that’s more of what we saw before and thank god for that because I need that familiar sense of normalcy.

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Cherry (2021) – Bowl of Pits

Released: 12th March
Seen: 9th June

Cherry Info

I’ll admit, I’ve been pretty neglectful when it comes to my Apple Plus subscription. I’ve had the service now for a while, never paid for it because it came free with my phone, and yet I’ve watched a grand total of about 6 things on it. A few episodes of Defending Jacob (never finished the series, I assume Jacob got defended), The Out on Television docuseries, Disclosure, Greyhound, Wolfwalkers and Palmer

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Dream Horse

Willy’s Wonderland (2021) – Five Hours At Willy’s

Released: 21st April
Seen: 31st May

Willy's Wonderland Info

It’s fairly well known that right now a Five Nights At Freddy’s movie is sitting in development hell where it’s lingered for the last 5 years. In that time it’s changed studios and directors and gone through many, many scripts. Currently they are talking about shooting this thing sometime this year, but we’ve heard that song and dance before. The wait has gotten so long for this movie that we’ve already had one knockoff beat it to release, in the form of The Banana Splits Movie. Well, now Willy’s Wonderland is here to show you another version of the Five Nights formula… and this time, I think they got the tone right.

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Why Did You Kill Me? (2021) – Seemed Like A Good Idea

Released: 14th April
Seen: 31st May

Why Did You Kill Me? Info

The crime documentary is definitely having a major resurgence right now, in no small part thanks to Netflix who seems to churn out a new one every other week. This kind of makes sense for a streaming platform desperate for unique content because in theory these are simple things to make. Find a weird murder with a lot of twists and turns, have relatives and police officers describe the events as they remember it, maybe hire some actors to recreate certain elements, wait for the editor to put it all together and you have a movie. What sets them apart is how weird/interesting/disturbing the crime is and the general presentation of the information. So, with a film titled “Why Did You Kill Me?” basically begging for attention, does it deserve it?

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Army of the Dead (2021) – Deadly Fun

Released: 21st May
Seen: 23rd May

Army of the Dead Info

I’ve made it no secret that I have a bit of a problem with how Zack Snyder has handled his time as part of the DCEU… namely, I believe his drab and depressing interpretation of the iconic DC superheroes is partially why that franchise stalled so hard that it might as well just die so we can hard reset it in a few years and try again. I’m not a fan of most of his work… with one notable exception. I absolutely loved his interpretation of Dawn of the Dead.

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A Quiet Place Part 2 (2021) – Sounds Like Fun

Released: 27th May
Seen: 21th May (Advance Screening)

A Quiet Place Part 2 Info

In 2018 the film A Quiet Place came out and was an instant hit, along with just generally being one of the best films of the year. A tense instant horror classic that was nothing short of miraculous in how cleverly it played with the audience, turning every sound into the most terrifying thing imaginable. It was a film that taught me how to eat popcorn by slowly dissolving it between my tongue and the roof of my mouth for fear I would make a sound so when I heard there was a sequel coming out, imaginatively titled A Quiet Place Part 2, on March 20 of 2020 (a day after my birthday) you wouldn’t find anyone more excited than me.

…and then the world decided to end and this film got pushed back by well over a year. Was the wait worth it? Hell yes it was!

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