Guillermo del Toro’s Pinocchio (2022) – Absolutely Magical

Released: 9th December
Seen: 10th December

Guillermo Del Toro's Pinocchio

It would be fair to say that adaptations of Pinocchio haven’t exactly been spectacular lately. This year alone we had possibly one of the more disappointing entries in the history of Pinocchio adaptations when Disney decided to do another remake of one of their classics and one that had Pauly Shore playing the titular puppet (never reviewed it but it did get memed into oblivion). There was also the strange nightmare one that was released a few years ago that inexplicably was an Oscar contender. 

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The Invitation (2022) – RSVP-lease Stop Immediately

Released: 25th August
Seen: 9th December

The Invitation Info

It’s been said a few times that 2022 has just been a fantastic year for horror. It feels like every few weeks there’s another horror film coming out and a shocking amount of them have been absolutely incredible. From surprising microbudget hits like Terrifier 2 to major releases like Scream, horror this year has been on another level of quality the likes of which we haven’t seen in a long time. However, even in a year full of fantastic horror films there will always be a few major duds and it’s fair to say that The Invitation might be the biggest horror dud of 2022.

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Pearl (2022) – Xtroardinary

Released: 16th September (United States) WHO THE HELL KNOWS!? (Australia)
Seen: 6th December

Earlier this year the film X was released to critical praise and a pretty impressive box office for a super low-budget horror film. It’s easily one of the films that will be used in future when discussing how good 2022 has been for the genre. At the end of screenings of X was something very interesting, a trailer for a prequel called Pearl that had already been shot and would be released at some point in 2022. This is pretty impressive because original films don’t tend to get the ability to film back-to-back movies before the first film has even been seen, it was a gamble and a half but it was certainly exciting to think about. 

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Confess, Fletch (2022) – Good Boy

Released: 18th November
Seen: 4th December

The Fletch series of novels, all written by Gregory McDonald between 1974 and 1986, were a series about an investigative reporter named Irwin Maurice “Fletch” Fletcher who often found himself getting mixed up in murder investigations. The first book in this series got adapted into the 1985 film Fletch starring Chevy Chase which became a pretty sizeable hit, becoming the 12th highest-grossing film of that year. It got a sequel in 1989 with Fletch Lives and ever since then a third film has been stuck in limbo, always being talked about but never actually getting made. For 33 years this series lay dormant, almost sure to never return… and now it’s back with Confess, Fletch and if you’re looking for a funny detective story and missed out on Glass Onion’s limited theatrical run, this should be good enough to keep you going.

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Violent Night (2022) – Painfully Brilliant

Released: 2nd December
Seen: 4th December

Two years ago on this blog, I talked about a little film called Fatman, a half-assed snore-fest that didn’t understand the fun it could’ve had with the idea “What if a bunch of mercenaries tried to kill Santa?”. It was a dull film that tried to actually answer serious questions about Santa like how can he afford to make all the toys and in general, was just not as fun as it could’ve been. It was a shitty edgelord movie made by people who seemed unwilling to commit to the inherent silliness of the idea of a bunch of mercenaries going toe to toe with jolly old Saint Nick… Violent Night, on the other hand, actually seems to understand how much fun that idea could be and goes for broke in the most delightful way.

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Beast (2022) – Not Lion Around

Released: 24th August
Seen: 2nd December

Man VS Beast is possibly the simplest and oldest story type that exists and one that has certainly been a mainstay of cinema for years. From big-time blockbusters like Jaws to smaller-budgeted films like Crawl, putting a human being up against a ravenous animal is a pretty simple and effective way to create some decent horror. In the case of Beast the man is Idris Elba and the creature is a lion, so you pretty much know what the entire film will be from start to finish and it doesn’t really do much to deviate from the exact plot that you have already begun writing in your mind.

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Orphan: First Kill (2022) – Esther Begins

Released: 1st September
Seen: 2nd December

Orphan: First Kill Info

In 2009 the film Orphan was released to an audience who were there to learn the answer to one fateful question… “What’s wrong with Esther?”. The question of just what was going on with the young girl in the poster is the most notable thing about that movie, its shocking third-act reveal (which I have to assume you know if you’re curious about the prequel, but I’ll hold off on stating it explicitly until the third paragraph just in case) being the thing that elevated the original Orphan into something truly unique and memorable for anyone who saw it.

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Glass Onion: A Knives Out Mystery (2022) – Layered

Released: 23rd November (Theatrical), 23rd December (Netflix)
Seen: 29th November

Glass Onion Info

In 2019, Rian Johnson released the film Knives Out to absolutely overwhelming rave reviews. It was nothing short of a phenomenon, with some of the most incredible actors playing some outrageous and despicable people telling one of the greatest whodunnit mysteries in recent memory. Shortly after it became a huge success, Netflix paid 400 million dollars for 2 new films… and then the pandemic started so it took a little while for Rian to be able to produce any of those sequels but here we are at the end of 2022 and we have the first sequel in the Knives Out franchise, Glass Onion. The expectations for this film couldn’t possibly be higher, and somehow Glass Onion meets every single one of them.

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Falling For Christmas (2022) – Snowed In

Released: 10th November
Seen: 27th November

In 1998 the world was introduced to Lindsay Lohan in a little film called The Parent Trap, a film that would instantly turn her into one of the biggest child stars on the planet. She followed it up with the beloved 2003 Freaky Friday, then the cult classic, Mean Girls. That trilogy of films turned her into an absolute superstar, one who could carry a film just on her name alone which she did for a while until she fell into some serious personal problems that derailed her career severely, her last lead role being in The Canyons back in 2013. Fortunately, Lindsay seems to have gotten through her troubles stronger than ever and has returned to the screen with the Netflix Christmas romcom Falling for Christmas which might not be great, but it’s certainly charming enough and a reminder of just how special Lindsay is as a performer.

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Is That Black Enough for You?!? – Powerful

Released: 11th November
Seen: 28th November

Ever since cinema began, people have been striving for better representation to appear on that great wall of light and shadow that we pay an exorbitant amount to enjoy every now and then. The history of representation in cinema, no matter what group it’s for, is always genuinely fascinating to witness in any format. Be it queer history on television from docuseries like Visible or be it the history of trans representation in film like with Disclosure, if your film is about the history of a minority group throughout the history of entertainment then the subject matter alone is going to make it fascinating if you present it well. Is That Black Enough for You?!? not only presents its material well, but it’s also one of the most fascinating documentaries about cinematic representation to come out in quite a long time.

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