Brazen (2022) – Lifeless

Released: 13th January
Seen: 23rd January

Brazen Info

Normally I wouldn’t expect to be dealing with this until June, that’s the pattern that Netflix has created with their release of Lifetime Wannabes like Hostage House, Dangerous Lies and Secret Obsession. I was meant to have a few months before I had to deal with this bullshit, there was meant to be time to mentally prepare for the onslaught of bad plotting and bad acting one expects from this “midday movie made on a budget of couch cushion change by a writer who had 5 hours to complete the entire script” but nope, 2022 sucks and therefore we have to deal with Brazen now because why not?

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Old (2021) – Aged Badly Already

Released: 22nd July
Seen: 2nd December

Old Info

The career of M. Night Shyamalan is certainly an interesting one, to say the least. He started with absolute bonafide smash hit The Sixth Sense and then onto critical acclaim with Unbreakable and Signs. He was heralded as a visionary, someone who would have a career worthy of envy… and then he had a decade straight of critical bombs. He’s never really made an actual financial bomb (except maybe Lady in the Water) but his name went from being a sign of potential to a red flag that you’re about to be greatly disappointed. Even when he had a mild comeback with The Visit and Split, people thought he would return to his form… and now after Glass and the film we’re talking about today, Old, I have to wonder if M. Night Shyamalan was ever actually the visionary that people claimed him to be or if he’s just a bad writer/director who got lucky with his early films.

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Paranormal Activity: Next Of Kin (2021) – Dead Boring

Released: 29th October
Seen: 23rd November

In 2009, the movie Paranormal Activity was given a wide release and signalled a change in Horror movies that would almost dictate what the upcoming decade would look like. Before Paranormal Activity, the Horror genre was knee deep in so-called “Torture Porn” films that relied heavily on shock and incredibly over the top violence and gore. 

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The Night House Promo Image

The Night House (2021) – Good Night

Released: 19th August
Seen: 18th November

Haunting movies are always a tough one to pull off. They tend to be a little slower to start with and at times just get a little silly because of what’s needed visually to impart the idea of a ghost moving things around. It takes something pretty special to make this genre rise above just a bunch of loud noises and slamming doors… enter The Night House, something special that rises above loud noises and slamming doors.

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Don’t Breathe 2 (2021) – Take My Breath Away

Released: 12th August
Seen: 11th November

Don't Breathe 2 Info

The 2016 film Don’t Breathe was one of the best horror films of the 2010s, certainly one of the most fascinating. It was dark, unapologetically so, with a creative set of visuals (That I have talked about in a previous article) and a truly fascinating antagonist in the form of The Blind Man. It was a film that let every character live in the grey area, no one was perfectly good and no one was perfectly evil. It was a fascinating little film that really pushed some buttons… so the sequel decides to play it safe and just turn The Blind Man into a hero, because we can’t have nice things.

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Antlers (2021) – Prickly

Released: 28th October
Seen: 9th November

Horror has always been a great genre for talking about the more difficult, darker topics that might be a little too much for other genres. The use of allegory and metaphor can be even more powerful than just discussing a certain topic outright, look at recent hits like Get Out which was just a 2 hour allegory for racism but touched on more elements of the subject than any drama could ever hope for. It’s a powerful tool when used well and Antlers certainly tries to use it and gets a lot out of it, but there’s something kind of off here that makes it fail to live up to its full potential.

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The Conjuring: The Devil Made Me Do It (2021) – God Damnit!

Released: 3rd June
Seen: 25th October

The Conjuring: The Devil Made Me Do It

Ed and Lorraine Warren were complete and utter con artists whose damage to the people they claimed to help won’t be fully known for years to come. For literally decades they would go from town to town and “investigate” strange goings-on and somehow come to a scientific basis that this meant they found some form of demon. All the time just a whole mess of demons, it’s never mental illness or epilepsy or strange coincidences… nope, always demons. This would eventually lead to them taking part in the case of Arne Cheyenne Johnson, which would become the basis for The Conjuring: The Devil Made Me Do It. So now you know what I think about the people this is based on, don’t be shocked when that impacts how I view the movie.

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There’s Someone Inside Your House (2021) – Nobody Home

Released: 6th October
Seen: 12th October

There's Someone Inside Your House Info

The slasher genre seems to be enjoying another big resurgence lately. With the monster hit Halloween, the upcoming Halloween Kills and the Scream reboot (along with Candyman, The Fear Street franchise, Wrong Turn and Spiral to name a few) all getting a ton of attention it seems as though everyone wants to revive the darling of 80s horror that was the slasher movie. The trick with slasher movies is you need to have a good villain to work with, an interesting array of victims and hopefully a lot of creative gore to excite the fanbase… There’s Someone Inside Your House certainly has some of those and an interesting idea, but that’s about it.

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The Little Things (2021) – Little Point

Released: 18 February
Seen: 25th August

The Little Things Info

The Little Things is a police drama about a pair of cops hunting down a serial killer. The cops consist of one wild card cop, Joe “Deke” Deacon (Denzel Washington), and one straight laced rule following cop, Det. Jim Baxter (Rami Malek). Together they make quite a strange pair as they hunt for their killer. It looks like they might have it when they run into oddball Albert Sparma (Jared Leto) and they focus heavily on him but could the difficulties of their job make them unable to actually solve the crime? It certainly seems to stop them from making a film that’s as exciting as it should be considering the talent that’s on screen… yeah, there’s so little to talk about with this one that one of MY reviews starts with the plot instead of a wild tangent, I’m just as shocked as you are.

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The Seventh Day (2021) – Give It A Goddamn Rest

Released: 28th January
Seen: 3rd August

The Seventh Day Info

A good staple of the horror genre, one that has been done time and time again, is the Exorcism movie. You know the drill, young person gets possessed by demon and ends up tied to a bed, an old priest and a young priest turn up to yell bible verses at them, there’s a little vomit and occasionally some magical torture until finally the demon is cast out and the child lives on. Basically, everyone saw The Exorcist way back in 1973 and decided they could do that too (except no one has ever come close to being even half as scary as The Exorcist). So, when I tell you that The Seventh Day is ANOTHER exorcism movie with nothing much of value to offer, just pretend to be shocked by that information.

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