Mortal Kombat II (2026) – Round 2, FIGHT!

Released: 8th May
Seen: 28th July

In 2021, a new adaptation of the video game Mortal Kombat came out. While its release was mildly hampered due to the pandemic (it was delayed and then released simultaneously in cinemas and on HBO Max because of that plague we all lived through and seem to want to pretend didn’t happen), the film did well enough and got moderately good reviews. I enjoyed it well enough but found it to be a little bit of a lore dump overstuffed with exposition that no one actually gives a fuck about because, while the lore of Mortal Kombat is surely fascinating, it’s not the thing that anyone really remembers about that franchise. The big thing was that we didn’t get to enjoy the tournament-style fights that the game franchise was known for and that felt like a big mistake… Well, Mortal Kombat II clearly heard everyone saying how much they wanted the tournament and decided to give us exactly that, and it’s a better movie because of it.

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Masters Of The Universe (2026) – IT HAS THE POWER!!

Released: 10th July
Seen: 26th July

The history of He-Man begins in 1982 with the release of the first toy line which was a massive hit. The toys came out with a mini comic attached that gave some backstory that would then explode with the release of the He-Man And The Masters Of The Universe cartoon series which was basically just a glorified toy advertisement but a toy advertisement that was insanely popular and would become a touchstone of 80s kids entertainment. It was the kind of series that was so undeniably huge that it had to be turned into a film at some point, which it was in 1987. That film was something of an infamous bomb, though like a lot of weird 80s movies that were attached to nostalgic properties it became a bit of a cult hit. After that movie it seemed like the Masters of the Universe were relegated to being occasionally rebooted in animated form but wouldn’t get another crack at being a movie until 2026 when Masters of the Universe came out and also bombed… which sucks because it’s actually amazing.

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Cold Storage (2026) – Chill

Released: 12th March
Seen: 12th July

In 1985, Return of the Living Dead was released. Created by John Russo, the co-creator of Night Of The Living Dead, the film was a comedic follow-up to the deeply disturbing original that became a cult hit on its own and was the origin of the idea that Zombies specifically hunger for brains above all else. It spawned a bunch of sequels of varying quality but is still an important element of horror’s history… and Cold Storage is the knockoff brand version of that franchise, and hey considering it’s been 20 years since we got a Return of the Living Dead movie then someone might as well come up with an alternative for us to enjoy.

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Project Hail Mary (2026) – Rocks

Released: 19th March
Seen: 1st July

One of the most beloved stories that cinema keeps going back to is “Man interacts with aliens”. It’s a time-tested story that allows for so many variations, from the whimsical wonder of ET to the nightmarish horror of The Thing, cinema has run the gamut of ways to show a human having to deal with a creature from another planet, figure out how to communicate with said creature and either save or destroy it. It’s been done so many times that we’re almost out of new alien designs that we can use before repeating ourselves. So one would think that another film about a human going to space and spending the entire time interacting with an alien would feel at least a little rote, a little repetitive… somehow, Project Hail Mary manages to feel fresh while also being charming as all hell.

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Supergirl (2026) – Averagegirl

Released: 25th June
Seen: 25th June

Roughly one year ago, Superman returned to us. After the absolute disaster that was the DCU, we were given a Superman who cares and there was much rejoicing. It was a genuinely charming movie with one of the best Superman actors we’ve had since the Christopher Reeve-era and I do not say that lightly. I named that film the second best film of 2025 and the performance of Superman was my third favourite performance in that same year. It was a genuinely great work of art that showed that there was space in the modern era for a kinder sweeter Superman. The ending of that film had a brief moment for Supergirl (Milly Alcock) who came to collect her dog Krypto and showed that this universe’s Supergirl was a bit of a drunken disaster who we would eventually get to spend an entire movie following. It was exciting, it seemed like it should be fun and now that film has come out and… it’s OK, it’s a genuinely OK movie but it should be so much better than OK.

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Hoppers (2026) – Golden Beaver

Released: 26th March
Seen: 20th June

One of the big problems that people have with the modern film landscape is that it feels like most movies that make it to cinemas have to either be based on a pre-existing IP (book, TV show, Reddit story that inexplicably gets popular) or a sequel to a film that was a previous hit. This seems to be reflected in the box office, if you look at this year’s top 10 highest grossing films you’ll see sequels, movies based on books and even a film that heavily utilises the IP of one of the biggest popstars of all time. There are only 2 films in the top 10 highest-grossing films of 2026 (at the time of writing this review) that are not based on some already existing property. The first is the megahit Obsession which exploded due to great word of mouth and the other is the subject of this review, Pixar’s first big film of this year, Hoppers.

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28 Years Later: The Bone Temple (2026) – Bonkers

Released: 15th January
Seen: 1st April

28 Years Later was genuinely one of the best additions to the zombie movie genre in recent years, a visual treat filled with some of the most purely horrifying imagery. It was an absolutely great entry into the 28 Days Later franchise that promised to be the start of its own little trilogy, continuing the post-apocalyptic story by pushing it into a bold new direction. Well, if 28 Years Later was this franchise swinging for the fences, then 28 Years Later: The Bone Temple loads the franchise into a catapult and throws it over the fences with absolute fucking glee while doing so.

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Mercy (2026) – Release Me

Released: 22nd January
Seen: 23rd March

For better or worse, we live in the era of AI… or at least the era of AI being brute-forced into our daily lives by billionaires who rely on it to turn a profit and make a couple of extra dollars. It’s in everything, it’s in all the apps you use, the very site I post this on offers AI to write a synopsis of what I post (you’ll be happy to know I never use it, I can write shitty unfunny synopsis’ all by myself), and it’s overtaken social media where it does fun things like “makes child sex abuse material” or “endorses white supremacy”. People are now losing jobs and being replaced by AI, which is incredibly faulty and has a high risk of errors… but no error is as big as the error that was made when someone decided to give Mercy a budget and allowed this film to exist because it’s just fucking bad.

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Bugonia (2025) – Bee-Gone-Ia

Released: 30th October 2025
Seen: 22nd February 2026

On December 4th, 2016, a fucking moron – who I won’t bother naming here – went to the Comet Ping Pong pizza shop in DC and fired multiple shots. Thankfully, he didn’t end up hurting anyone. Still, his plan was to go in to investigate the pizza place because he believed, thanks to other fucking idiots, that there was a child trafficking ring being operated out of the basement. One small problem, Comet Ping Pong didn’t have a basement nor was it in any way related to a child trafficking ring, it just happened to be a place where the Clinton campaign would occasionally buy food and a bunch of idiots reading emails decided that the phrases “pizza” or “Hot dogs” was some kind of elaborate code suggesting that they were buying children. This is probably the turning point where conspiracy theories went from curious things that went around the internet into actual real-world problems that caused the stupidest among us to threaten the lives of others, try to overthrow duly elected governments and believe that drinking raw milk is actually good for you. It’s the kind of insane shit that’s ripe for someone to use as the basis for a thriller, and Bugonia takes that mantle and runs with it.

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The Life Of Chuck (2025) – Oh Life

Released: 14th August
Seen: 11th December

When you think of a Stephen King story, you inevitably think of some weird horror story with a terrifying concept and a probably less than satisfying final act. You might also think of his sci-fi work, his grandiose epic The Dark Tower or The Stand. What might be thought of less are his dramatic works, despite them being adapted into truly grand movies. Green Mile, Shawshank Redemption, movies that can genuinely surprise people when they learn it’s a Stephen King adaptation (I’ve literally seen this happen, I’ve shocked people by saying “The Green Mile is based on Stephen King). He doesn’t really get to flex his dramatic writing muscles as much because everyone generally wants a Stephen King book to be scary, but back in 2020 he released a novella called The Life of Chuck. The novella caught the eye of Mike Flanagan, who is one of the modern horror heroes, and he adapted it into a film of the same name which is certainly heartwarming but… well, let’s begin the review before I go into that.

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