Mercy (2026) – Release Me

Released: 22nd January
Seen: 23rd March

For better or worse, we live in the era of AI… or at least the era of AI being brute-forced into our daily lives by billionaires who rely on it to turn a profit and make a couple of extra dollars. It’s in everything, it’s in all the apps you use, the very site I post this on offers AI to write a synopsis of what I post (you’ll be happy to know I never use it, I can write shitty unfunny synopsis’ all by myself), and it’s overtaken social media where it does fun things like “makes child sex abuse material” or “endorses white supremacy”. People are now losing jobs and being replaced by AI, which is incredibly faulty and has a high risk of errors… but no error is as big as the error that was made when someone decided to give Mercy a budget and allowed this film to exist because it’s just fucking bad.

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Melania (2026) – Uggh

Released: 30th January
Seen: 23rd March

Donald Trump is a horrific fascistic scumbag, a useless pile of flesh that’s held together by bitterness and rape allegations. He’s up there on the list of worst world leaders to ever exist and yes, I am including the German guy with the funny moustache in that assessment. He’s vile, putrid, disgusting, and that’s the polite terms I can use without potentially risking getting investigated by the FBI. I do not like the man whatsoever, and I never ever have… I also have never been a fan of his wife, Melania. I’ve seen other people on the left try to pass her off as some kind of victim who secretly hates him and needs to just get away but I’ve never been one of those people, I’ve always been down to say she’s just as bad as him so when I heard there was a documentary being made about her, I was not looking forward to it. Of course, her documentary’s been a big talking point all year; it made so much money but also got critically panned, and it’s been the butt of every joke about a bad documentary for several months now. Now I’m not going to pretend I’m a fan of the film’s subject matter (did you work that part out already), but hey, I can enjoy a documentary about a bad person if the documentary is done well… but this isn’t, it’s Melania, and there is nothing good about Melania.

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Oscar Predictions 2026

Once more we are at that time, the time where we all take a guess if the Academy of Motion Pictures is going to do something really cool or be their usual kind of boring selves. It’s been a pretty good year for film and certainly for the nominees. A new record has been set for the number of nominations a single film can get. We have a brand new category to deal with and several major international films are in discussion for some of the biggest awards. It’s also the first year where every single voter is contractually obligated to watch every film (because that was apparently not a thing up to this point)… I am not contractually obliged to see every film, in some cases I literally physically can’t but I saw as many as I could and now will use that to make my predictions for what will win, what I think should win, and what would cause some glorious chaos. 

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The Smashing Machine (2025) – Oh, Smashing

Released: 2nd October 2025
Seen: 9th February 2026

Over the last several decades, one of the biggest names in cinema has been The Rock, AKA Dwayne Johnson. His films have grossed billions of dollars; he is currently the 10th-highest-grossing actor of all time, and he did all that without having to appear in a Marvel film or anything involving Avatar. He’s one of the highest paid, most recognisable and most beloved film stars of recent years… but he’s not a great actor. Let’s be honest, no one’s ever accused him of giving a transformative performance in his entire career; the man is a personality who effectively plays himself in every single film he ever appears in. Now this isn’t a bad thing per se, a lot of very famous actors are kind of known for playing themselves in every film that they do (Ryan Reynolds, Jack Black, Will Ferrell just to name the first three that come to mind). With Dwayne Johnson, however, it comes with the fact that he not only plays the same character, but he’s doing it at a time when his wrestler-turned-actor contemporaries John Cena and Dave Bautista are delivering genuinely great, layered acting performances that demonstrate a range that Dwayne just hasn’t been able to do. What Dwayne’s been needing for quite some time is a chance to show off his skills, to stretch himself and prove that he isn’t just a one-trick pony… The Smashing Machine does kind of prove that, but in a way that also really shows off his limitations

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Sentimental Value (2025) – Intriguing

Released: 25th December 2025
Seen: 28th February 2026

It’s often hard to figure out how to open these reviews; the style developed almost a decade ago out of an understanding that a single paragraph would be placed above the fold, and I’ve just carried that on like it was a standard element of writing. Something that just happened several years ago for no particular reason is now locked in, will probably be standard until something dramatic changes, and I’m forced to re-evaluate how things are done… You could consider that process to be something of an imperfect metaphor for Sentimental Value, a film that revolves around the idea of how things that happened in the past can still have a massive impact on people several years later. Is it the best metaphor out there? No, is it the best I could do for this opening paragraph that inevitably means nothing other than tone setting for the rest of the review? Also no, but it’s what we’ve got.

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If I Had Legs I’d Kick You (2025) – Rosy

Released: 7th August 2025
Seen: 27th February 2026

We all know the famous phrase “Life’s a bitch, and then you die”. That phrase feels more relevant today than ever, where everything just feels constantly overwhelming. Burnout is real and is not only happening in people’s professional lives but in their personal ones. Day-to-day events just pile up in a way that feels insurmountable and unfixable because the people who could fix them are unavailable. That’s a feeling that we’ve all had before and it’s the kind of emotional destruction that could make for a fascinating film, or at least a fascinating performance, and If I Had Legs I’d Kick You is fortunately both of those things.

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Marty Supreme (2026) – Ping Pong Boy

Released: 22nd January
Seen: 7th February

In the history of cinema, the genre of the sports movie has presented us with some truly great films that stand the test of time. From A League Of Their Own to Air Bud, all genres and levels of prestige have been the subject of a good sports movie. Almost every sport you can think of has had a film focused on it, including table tennis. Of course, up till now, most table tennis films haven’t exactly been the most well-known; perhaps the biggest one would be Forrest Gump, but that’s not so much a table tennis film as it is a film where someone played table tennis at some point. Honestly, the sport of table tennis hasn’t had its big, sweeping, dramatic epic until now, and Marty Supreme is undeniably the ultimate in table tennis cinema.

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Best Performances of 2025

Every year, I try my best to put together a list of the 20 best performances of the year, though last year I was only able to make a 10-person list due to personal reasons. This year, I more than made up for it with a 20-person list of performances that were the best of the year. Now, as usua,l I wish to bring up that “Best” is a marketing term which really just means “Shit that I liked a lot”, these aren’t going to be the award winners or things that might be considered the height of the craft but they are the most fun, interesting or jaw dropping performances of the year that I just couldn’t stop thinking about. Of course, every list needs some honourable mentions, so here’s mine with no explanations for why they’re here (Ask nicely and maybe I’ll explain them… or not)

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Silent Night, Deadly Night (2025) – Gifted

Released: 14th August
Seen: 11th December

In 1984, Silent Night Deadly Night was released right at the height of the slasher boom of the 80s. It was made pretty much for the same reason a lot of horror films were made then, namely “Oh Halloween was popular, so pick a holiday and stick a killer on that date and we can print money” and sure enough they made a silly little horror film for just under a million dollars and expected it to do good business and that was that. What happened instead was that it became one of the biggest controversies of that era, the poster sparked massive protests, and critics tore the film to shreds for the crime of making Santa Claus a murderer. The film was pulled from cinemas due to those protests and in that moment, the protestors inadvertently gave Silent Night Deadly Night a place in horror infamy, which in turn resulted in the franchise becoming a cult hit. It would end up getting four sequels, one of which gave us the legendary “GARBAGE DAY” clip that was a hot meme for a while, and the film was remade back in 2012 because every slasher film got a remake in that era. Now once more it’s time for them to throw an axe in Santa’s hand and see what he does… and this time, it’s actually pretty good!

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Influencers (2025) – Like

Released: 13th December
Seen: 12th December

In 2023, Shudder released Influencer which was immediately a critical hit and got pretty good viewership numbers, at least good enough to warrant making a sequel. Now, at the time I was one of the few who didn’t love the film, I thought it had good ideas but I wasn’t a fan of the execution. Upon a recent rewatch I’ve slightly changed my mind, mostly because the central performance of the character CW grew on me. It still felt a little bit lackluster to me, but it moved to just being generally good so I was hopeful about the sequel… and sure enough, Influencers turned out to be absolutely brilliant.

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