365 Days: This Day (2022) – It Still Hurts

Released: 27th April
Seen: 28th April

The year was 2020, we were deep into the horrors of the pandemic and thus desperate for things to keep us entertained since everything was shutting down, which is how a film like 365 Days was able to get dropped on Netflix and become a massive hit on the service… now, granted, everyone could readily admit that the film was a giant piece of shit and was openly mocking how awful it was every chance possible but that didn’t change the fact that it was a monster hit.

It was critically savaged and called out for being a romanticisation of rape that was a poorly filmed/acted/written/scored piece of garbage… and that’s just from my own personal description of it when I gave it the top spot on my worst of 2020 list. 

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Choose or Die (2022) – …Or?

Released: 15th April
Seen: 17th April

In 2018 the film Truth or Dare was released to what could charitably be called ‘mixed’ reviews. It was a film with a fun concept that held back so much that it ended up just becoming one of the blandest horror movies in recent memory. The failure of Truth or Dare is such a shame because a horror film where people have to deal with hard choices that could lead to strange supernatural death is one that has the potential to be a lot of fun, it’s the kind of schlocky idea that this genre thrives on and in the right hands it could lead to something enjoyable.

Apparently, the right hands are not the hands that assembled Choose or Die because they made a movie with that core concept that’s so convoluted it’s hard to enjoy, even though they really go through on the visceral aspect of the genre.

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The Bubble (2022) – Confined

Released: 1st April
Seen: 5th April

The Bubble Info

Looking back on the last two years of the pandemic and how it’s impacted the movie industry, it’s legitimately stunning that we didn’t see more closures of cinemas and studios. The number of films that were even able to shoot during the pandemic was dramatically lower than usual and a lot of films seemed to think they needed to be about the pandemic and so many of them were bad.

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Trust No One: The Hunt For The Crypto King (2022) – Trustworthy

Released: 30th March
Seen: 2nd April

Trust No One
o O

The world of Cryptocurrency is strange, to say the least. The well-known internet currency has fiercely loyal believers and just as fierce sceptics who believe the entire concept is basically one of the strangest scams that have somehow gotten to be accepted by a surprisingly large part of the community.

If you mention “I think Bitcoin is a load of shit” on Twitter and watch as your mentions are filled with bros exclaiming how you don’t actually understand it and how it’s not that bad, it’s not that scammy… well, now you can send those mouthbreathers a link to the film Trust No One: The Hunt For The Crypto King and watch as they… OK, they probably won’t accept they’re part of a scam, but you’ll know and that’s what matters.

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The Adam Project (2022) – TIME TRAVEL!

Released: 11th March
Seen: 29th March

The Adam Project Info

You know what I kinda miss? Those old cheesy family films that weren’t trying to be cinematic masterpieces but were basically pastiches of popular films that had kids doing cool stuff and a lot of stupid moments, the last one of those that got a wide release was The Kid Who Would Be King, a fun, frivolous little film about a kid who got King Arthur’s sword and had a big silly adventure. It was nice to see this kind of film get a brief comeback but ever since then it’s felt like no one has bothered to try again… until The Adam Project came along and hit me right in the nostalgia.

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Texas Chainsaw Massacre (2022) – This Blade Is Dull

Released: 18th February
Seen: 20th February

Texas Chainsaw Massacre Info

There has been a trend in horror films lately where a classic slasher franchise will do a sequel starring the original cast set about 40 years after the original film that ignores every other sequel that came before it. This trend has given us absolutely brilliant films like the 2018 Halloween and it’s given us reasons to despise the very concept of cinema with things like I Spit On Your Grave: Deja Vu. It’s a high risk-high reward concept because it will pull in fans who want a heavy hit of pure nostalgia but you then have to give them a film that somehow honours the original while also being something new and fun. Texas Chainsaw Massacre does none of that, it just exists in a boring way that makes me wonder why this franchise keeps on going.

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The Lost Daughter (2021) – Found It

Released: 31st December 2021
Seen: 13th February 2022

The Lost Daughter Info

In 2006, the Italian novel La figlia oscura by Elena Ferrante was released. Eventually translated in 2008, the book got the English title of The Lost Daughter. This year at the Oscars the film adaptation of this would only receive three nominations, two for acting and one for the screenplay which honestly feels like a lot less than it deserves but considering the material, they’re definitely the best categories for a film like this.

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Home Team (2022) – It’s A Shame

Released: 28th January
Seen: 31st January

In 2012 the coach of the New Orleans Saints, Sean Payton (Kevin James), received a one-year suspension for his part in a scandal that was known as “bounty gate” where players on the team were paid to intentionally injure players on the other team. Now, Sean has maintained his innocence in this and the details are more complicated than I care to look into (I’m not a sports person, I had to get all that off Wikipedia so I understood the situation as best I could) but the key point is that Sean didn’t coach his team during 2012 and instead used that time to coach his son’s sixth-grade team during that season. This story is the inspiration for the movie Home Team, which is what happens when the Happy Madison team decides to make a sports biopic and then gets bored and just makes their usual shit.

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Brazen (2022) – Lifeless

Released: 13th January
Seen: 23rd January

Brazen Info

Normally I wouldn’t expect to be dealing with this until June, that’s the pattern that Netflix has created with their release of Lifetime Wannabes like Hostage House, Dangerous Lies and Secret Obsession. I was meant to have a few months before I had to deal with this bullshit, there was meant to be time to mentally prepare for the onslaught of bad plotting and bad acting one expects from this “midday movie made on a budget of couch cushion change by a writer who had 5 hours to complete the entire script” but nope, 2022 sucks and therefore we have to deal with Brazen now because why not?

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Project Power (2020) – A Fun Pill To Swallow

NOTE: Here is my review from Soda & Telepaths that was posted back on August 23, 2020

For the last decade or so, the Superhero genre has dominated the cinemas. It felt like every couple of months there was some new Marvel or DC property coming out that would be the only thing worth talking about in the world of cinema. This year was meant to be no exception, with movies like Black Widow, Wonder Woman 1984 and The New Mutants scheduled to drop roughly three months into the ongoing apocalypse we’ve decided to have instead. 

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