Beautiful Wedding (2024) – Annulment

Released: 8th March
Seen: 12th March

Beautiful Wedding Info

Directed & Written By: Roger Kumble

Starring: Virginia Gardner, Dylan Sprouse, Libe Barer, Austin North

In 2023 the film Beautiful Disaster was unleashed onto an unsuspecting and unwilling public. It’s part of this weird era of film where everyone wants to do their own Fifty Shades AKA Take a shitty fanfiction, file off some serial numbers and make a movie about it. This gave us the awful After series, the rapey 365 Days series and a series that exists, Beautiful Disaster paired a bad boy boxer and an innocent young woman who made a bet with each other that they wouldn’t sleep together for 30 days, which naturally led to the both of them starting a relationship because that’s how these movies go. It was certainly not the worst version of this kind of movie, but it was pretty bad (I named it the 8th worst movie of 2023, something that I stand by) so knowing that a sequel was coming out made my blood run cold. I thought the After series was done, maybe I’d be free from this crap for a while but no… Prime Studios have other plans for me, bad plans.

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Oscar Predictions – 2024

It’s that time again, the time when people who have no business making predictions about who should and shouldn’t win an Oscar give you their heartfelt opinions on who should and shouldn’t win an Oscar… It’s me, I’m people. I’m doing that exact thing this year because I do it every year, it’s what started this silly little blog so why not keep doing it? 

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American Fiction (2024) – Stranger Than… Well

Released: 9th January
Seen: 27th February

We live in an age where we keep hearing the same refrain over and over again, “No one can take a joke anymore, you can’t joke about anything”. It’s a refrain screamed largely by people who’ve been telling the exact same joke since 1993 and can’t be bothered to update their material. The truth is that you can still make jokes about pretty much anything as long as you do it well, you can push the boundaries of good taste if you’re able to actually do something interesting. Comedy is still fairly easy to do and can be quite shocking while doing it, you just need to not only tell the jokes well but know what you want to target with your comedy. American Fiction knows exactly what it wants to target with its comedy, and oh boy does it land every single punch that it throws.

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Dario Argento: Panico (2024) – Opera-tic

Released: 2nd February
Seen: 26th February

In the history of the Horror genre, there are a few iconic directors whose work is so distinctive that their last name becomes a descriptive term. Hitchcock, Carpenter, Raimi, these names have all been used to conjure a specific style of filmmaking that people still mimic to this day. One name particularly powerful name that managed to define a certain kind of horror film is Argento, as in Dario Argento the legendary Italian director who made his name synonymous with a major element of the Italian horror of the 1970s and 80s with his works The Bird With The Crystal Plumage, Inferno, Deep Red, Opera and probably his most famous work, Suspiria. During one of the biggest periods in horror cinema, Argento was one of the biggest names in the industry who was making funky fascinating fright films that fucked with the audience’s heads and with what cinema could look like. He is on the shortlist of directors whose careers warrant a documentary retrospective and Dario Argento: Panico is pretty much exactly what his work deserves… as a first documentary, anyway.

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Past Lives (2023) – Living

Released: 31st August 2023
Seen: 25th February 2024

There’s a pretty standard formula when it comes to romantic dramas about childhood sweethearts who split apart and then bump into each other as adults. The cute childhood couple ends up blowing up their adult lives because the connection they had decades ago is still so strong and it’s cute, it’s romantic, it’s a cliche story choice for a reason because it’s got a feel-good charm to it, but it’s also not realistic. Being willing to blow up your life to be with someone you knew as a kid is not something people really do that often, but it happens all the time in movies. You never see a story of people who used to have a relationship, reuniting and realising that things actually turned out kind of OK in the long run… at least, you didn’t until Celine Song came along and created a realistic and truly touching romantic drama called Past Lives

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May December (2024) – Once Upon A December

Released: 1st February
Seen: 13th February

In 1997, Mary Kay Letourneau pleaded guilty to 2 counts of second-degree rape of a child. The child in question was 12-year-old Vili Fualaau and what made this case turn into the stuff of tabloid legend was that not only would Mary Kay go on to give birth to Fualaau’s child while in prison (two of them throughout the relationship, but one specifically was born during her initial prison sentence) but they would eventually get married and remain married for 14 years, until 2019. The entire story was everything that the tabloids love, it had sex, intrigue, lying, and a hint of a taboo romance that created an epic drama that people could follow. Everyone who was around then heard at least one or two comics making jokes about how lucky Vili in particular was to be in a situation where an older woman had sex with him, it was the ultimate water cooler topic for ages… and in the center of it all were two people, one of whom was a victim who didn’t get his story told. Sadly, May December doesn’t tell his story as it probably could’ve, but using the Letourneau/Fualaau story as a springboard it weaves a darkly fascinating tale of its own.

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Nyad (2023) – Goes Swimmingly

Released: 3rd November 2023
Seen: 7th February 2024

In 2013 at the age of 63, Diana Nyad did something borderline impossible. She swam from the shores of Havana, Cuba to the beaches of Key West, Florida. The journey was 110 miles long and involved her staying in the water for 53 hours to complete it… it also took her 5 tries, four of those happening while she was in her 60s. Along with her team in a nearby boat and her coach Bonnie Stoll, Diana pulled off something truly staggering that’s only been accomplished by 2 other people before her (That we know of). Now sure, the Guinness World Record people and the World Open Water Swimming Association have not certified the swim (short version, they claim it counts as assisted because she wore a protective suit to avoid being stung by jellyfish and may have been touched every now and then by crew members who were trying to help her every now and then during the 2 and a half days she was swimming in the freezing ocean) but fortunately the biopic Nyad gives us a version of the story worth hearing.

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The Color Purple (2024) – Hell Yes

Released: 25th January
Seen: 1st February

In 1982, Alice Walker released her Pulitzer Prize winning novel The Color Purple which received rave reviews and massive sales. That book caught the eye of one Steven Spielberg who turned it into the beloved 1985 film that’s not only gone on to be a beloved cinematic classic but essentially jumpstarted the careers of Whoopi Goldberg and Oprah Winfrey, so it’s hard to deny its importance as a piece of cinema. Twenty years after the film was released, somebody got the bright idea to turn this dramatic tale into a musical where it would initially get poor reviews but, upon being revived in 2015, got the recognition it deserved as a truly great work. Now it can have that recognition forever since we have The Color Purple musical on film and it’s truly something worth singing some praises about.

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Mission Impossible: Dead Reckoning – Part One (2023) – Mission Possible

Released: 8th July 2023
Seen: 29th January 2024

At this point, the Mission Impossible series exists for one reason and one reason only, to basically make the entire world believe that Tom Cruise is the most badass human being alive. Sure, there’s a story, espionage, action and comedy that appeals to the masses and delivers high-octane thrills as needed but its principal job at the moment is to help launder the image of a man whose entire life is so intertwined with the evil that is Scientology that he needs people to ignore that and focus on the cool stunts that he can perform. It’s kind of a neat trick because normally it works, normally Tom Cruise movies open so big and make such a splash that we talk about how he saved cinema or something like that. So what does it take for a Mission Impossible film to underperform like this one did? I mean, mostly it was just bad luck with the strikes and people not going to the movies as much but it’s also a case of diminishing returns.

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The Greatest Night In Pop (2023) – We Are In Awe

Released: 29th January
Seen: 29th January

In 1985, one of the most undeniably iconic images in pop culture was created in the middle of the night, just after the American Music Awards. That image was of the inside of a small recording studio in LA where 45 of the greatest musicians of the day (and also Dan Akroyd, for some reason) stood around a collection of microphones to sing a song to try and help world hunger. The image of these legends together is iconic, it’s been parodied dozens of times and earnestly recreated almost as many. The song that came from that legendary night is one of the highest-selling songs of all time, taking in millions to try and help those in need, while also being truly inescapable for decades to go. There was never anything quite like We Are The World and there will probably never be anything like it again, and the documentary The Greatest Night In Pop makes it clear how the song’s existence is something of a minor miracle.

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