The Boss Baby

Date Released: 31st March 2017

Date Seen: 4th November 2017

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In 1999 the movie Baby Geniuses was released, a film about a bunch of babies who have superhuman intelligence who were kidnapped by a bunch of scientists who were trying to understand just how intelligent babies are. It was not a good movie. Boss Baby takes the “Hyper-intelligent baby” aspect and animated it. The results are… well, interesting would be the kind term.

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Fist Fight

Date Released: 17th February 2017

Date Seen: 3rd November 2017

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When a film is pitched to a studio, it is normally done with something called a “Treatment” where the main points of the storyline are laid out in order to give executives an idea of just what they are going to invest in. Sometimes that treatment is several pages long, sometimes it’s just one page. I’m convinced the treatment for this film was “Charlie from It’s Always Sunny and Captain Dixon get in a fight” and that was literally it.

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Fifty Shades Darker

Date Released: 10th February 2017

Date Seen: 1st November 2017

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In the late 80’s a film called 9 1/2 Weeks introduced the concept of the erotic thriller to the world of cinema, a subgenre of movies that would go on to be a large portion of the next decade with films like Basic Instinct, Fatal Attraction and Showgirls all making their mark in their own unique way, be it good or bad. Fifty Shades Darker would desperately like you to think it deserves to be put in the same class as those movies… Fifty Shades Darker is delusional about this desire.

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CHiPS

Date Released: 6th April 2017 (Australian release date)

Date Seen: 31st October 2017

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Written and Directed by Dax Shepard
Produced by Primate Pictures, RatPac-Dune Entertainment & Warner Bros.

A trend has emerged recently of big budget comedies based on classic TV series. We had the excellent 21 Jump Street movies, we had the mediocre Baywatch movie… naturally, we need the awful movie adaptation to round out the trilogy and lucky us, we got it.

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The Bye Bye Man

Note: Before I start the review just a quick bit of info. I missed all of October due to University assessments, sorry. However, until the end of the year, I’m going to be retroactively reviewing movies that came out this year that I missed on initial release since I didn’t start doing this until about June. This is because I feel like I have time now… and because I want to make sure I don’t miss anything when I do a best/worst list at the end of the year. For these reviews, I’ll put the official date of release along with when I saw it just so everyone can laugh at how slow I am to the party

Date Released: 13th January 2017

Date Seen: 29th October 2017

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Don’t think it

Don’t say it

And by “It” I mean this movie

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American Assassin

Seen 30th September

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Why do these movies start with “American” when the country of origin is really non-essential to the plot? Big movies with this title thing include American Pie… then American Psycho… then American Hustle, American Sniper, American Honey, American Gangster, American Mary, American Me, American Pastoral, American Ultra, American Graffiti, American History X, American Satan, American Beauty, American Made, American Wedding, American Pop, American Violence, American Hero, American Reunion, American Fable, American Gigalo, American Heist MY POINT IS ENOUGH WITH CALLING THINGS AMERICAN (NOUN)!… so, American Assassin

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The LEGO NINJAGO Movie

Seen September 23rd

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First there was the Lego Movie, and it showed everyone that you could create a piece of art using a licenced toy that was actually good. Then came Lego Batman, which showed you coulde play around in multiple established universes and still tell your own story. Then there was Ninjago… it was a movie.

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