Abigail (2024) – Biting

Released: 22nd March
Seen: 11th May

Radio Silence is the name given to a group of filmmakers, Matt Bettinelli-Olpin, Tyler Gillett, Justin Martinez and Chad Villella who have become power players in the modern Horror genre. They were introduced to the world through their segment of the original V/H/S movie titles 10/31/98, AKA the one where a bunch of friends in Halloween costumes visit a haunted house. Since then they’ve made several smaller films and taken part in other anthologies but got their big break when they released the 2019 gem Ready or Not which got massive critical praise and was probably the film that got them their biggest jobs yet, taking over the Scream franchise after the passing of Wes Craven. It’s safe to say that this little troupe of filmmakers could do anything that they want to do and clearly what they love doing is making big silly fun horror films intended to just be pure over-the-top entertainment and by god that’s exactly what Abigail is.

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Winnie The Pooh: Blood And Honey 2 (2024) – The Wonderful Thing About Sequels

Copy provided for review

In 2023, Winnie the Pooh entered the public domain. Thanks to how stupidly copyright law has been written, the bear of very little brain was finally free to be used by anyone a mere 97 years after he first appeared in the book Winnie The Pooh. Naturally, the first thing that was done with him is the same thing that’s often done when well-known family-friendly characters are free for anyone to use, someone made a horror movie out of it. Winnie The Pooh: Blood And Honey came out to be a surprising box office hit, making over 5 million dollars on a $100,000 budget… it was also god awful, it ranked third on my list of the worst films of 2023, it swept the ever-controversial Razzies where it took home 5 of the 9 awards and was a joke to everyone who thought about cinema of 2023. The idea that it earned enough to get a sequel was laughable and there was no doubt that any sequel was going to be an inevitable horrible piece of shit… so why the hell do I like this film?

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Mission Impossible: Dead Reckoning – Part One (2023) – Mission Possible

Released: 8th July 2023
Seen: 29th January 2024

At this point, the Mission Impossible series exists for one reason and one reason only, to basically make the entire world believe that Tom Cruise is the most badass human being alive. Sure, there’s a story, espionage, action and comedy that appeals to the masses and delivers high-octane thrills as needed but its principal job at the moment is to help launder the image of a man whose entire life is so intertwined with the evil that is Scientology that he needs people to ignore that and focus on the cool stunts that he can perform. It’s kind of a neat trick because normally it works, normally Tom Cruise movies open so big and make such a splash that we talk about how he saved cinema or something like that. So what does it take for a Mission Impossible film to underperform like this one did? I mean, mostly it was just bad luck with the strikes and people not going to the movies as much but it’s also a case of diminishing returns.

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Night Swim (2024) – Sinking Feeling

Released: 4th January
Seen: 16th January

A big discussion that’s been going on lately concerns film length, how films nowadays seem unable to be under 2 hours and how a lot of films that go for 3 hours or more don’t really need to waste that amount of audience time. What this whole issue comes down to is the idea that certain stories only really need a certain amount of time to tell them properly, Some films need 3 hours to explore every little crevice of their story, others can handle the story in 90 minutes. Then there are short films that often prove how effective they can be with only a couple of minutes, there’s even an entire channel dedicated to films that only last for 5 seconds long because that’s all they need to get the job done… Night Swim is one of those films that probably should’ve stuck to being a short 4-minute film instead of trying to take its general idea and stretch it forcibly into 100 minutes.

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Lift (2024) – Drop It

Released: 12th January
Seen: 15th January

Lift Info

It’s become something of a joke lately that Netflix keeps producing so many films that they can’t even properly advertise them all, but it’s also probably for the best that they don’t because a lot of them are strangely forgettable garbage that’s just kind of created so that Netflix has a library of films that will never be taken away from them. What’s weird about this is that Netflix spends an absolutely jaw-dropping amount on films that, at best, will spend an eternity sitting in their digital library where they aren’t really designed to turn a profit. These are blockbusters that are made without the intention of getting blockbuster profits, a strange phenomenon that would maybe be OK if it led to fun enjoyable films… but it doesn’t, it leads to content like Lift

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Suitable Flesh (2023) – Skin-Crawlingly Creepy

Released: 27th October
Seen: 24th December

In 2020 we lost the great Stuart Gordon, one of the gods of 80s horror. The man gave us such glorious works as Re-Animator, From Beyond and Castle Freak along with having a hand in classics like Honey I Shrunk The Kids. A lot of the work that made him an undeniable icon of the genre was his adaptations of H.P. Lovecraft stories and a lot of those films were written by Dennis Paoli who has screenwriting credit on five of Gordon’s films, those being Re-Animator, From Beyond, Dagon, Castle Freak and The Pit And The Pendulum. It’s safe to say that a large number of the early films that gave us an idea of what a Stuart Gordon film could be wouldn’t exist in the same way without Dennis Paoli’s writing. So, the question is what would happen if you paid tribute to Stuart Gordon by getting Dennis to write another adaptation of an H.P. Lovecraft film and let the director of Wrong Turn 2 handle the direction? Turns out, you get something that’s pretty fucking fun.

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Saltburn (2023) – Brilliance On The Dance Floor

Released: 16th November
Seen: 24th November

In 2021, Emerald Fennell released Promising Young Woman, which quickly became one of my favourite films that I’ve ever been able to review. The year it came out I proclaimed it the second best film of the year, had the fourth best performance of the year and was adamant that the film should win every single Oscar it was nominated for. I was an evangelist for the film and when talking about it on the Best List I said, quote “if Emerald Fenell walks into your office and asks to make a movie, you hand that woman a blank cheque and let her go wild”… It’s clear that someone was listening to this request, because if Saltburn isn’t what happens when Emerald Fennell goes wild, I don’t know what is.

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Five Nights At Freddy’s (2023) – Bearly Enough

Released: 26th October
Seen: 23rd November

In 2014, a man named Scott Cawthon released a game called Five Nights at Freddy’s. The idea of the game was incredibly simplistic, you played a bodyguard who has the job of watching over a defunct pizzeria via a set of monitors rigged up to cameras all around the building. There are only two doors into the room that can open and close and you have to just get through a series of five shifts from midnight to 6am, which is difficult because the animatronics in the restaurant are alive and are coming to get you.

As the nights go on, the game gets harder and harder and if you fail then one of the animatronics leaps at the screen creating a loud jumpscare that ends the game instantly. It’s a simple game that happened to get noticed by a certain segment of gamers who play games while overreacting on camera and soon became an obscenely popular franchise with a new game being churned out seemingly every couple of months. It was such a monster hit that a film adaptation was inevitable, indeed one was greenlit in 2015… it’s languished in production hell for 8 years but now it’s out and you can kind of tell this thing has been rewritten a couple dozen times, but it’s not like my opinion matters on the subject.

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The Wrath Of Becky (2023) – OH MY GOD!

Released: 16th November
Seen: 23rd November

In 2020 a little film called Becky came out and delivered something that cinema desperately needed, a 14 year old girl who kills a whole assload of Nazi assholes in various wild and wonderful ways. It was an absolute blast of a film, filled with great performances by absolutely everyone involved and created an instantly iconic female character with Becky. It was a film that I enjoyed so much it made the honourable mentions list on my best films list that year and the Kevin James performance was the 11th best performance on my list. When news of a sequel came out you can imagine the genuine excitement that built, more fun time with Becky violently killing a bunch of bastards just sounded like the best thing possible and thank goodness, The Wrath Of Becky absolutely lives up to the standard set by the film that came before it.

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The Killer (2023) – Fincher Strikes Again

Released: 10th November
Seen: 15th November

The Killer Info

David Fincher is arguably one of the greatest directors working today, a man who has made several of the greatest films of the modern era who people revere as a director for good reason. Even when his films aren’t instant classics there’s something interesting going on with them, at bare minimum, his films will give you something to think about and will probably be full of great performances on top of it. His name alone is basically a marker of quality so it should come as no shock that once again Fincher has made a fascinating film about a dark immoral character and asked us to take a closer look at how mundane they actually are and once again it’s strangely fascinating.

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