Blonde (2022) – Some Like It Not

Released: 28th September
Seen: 28th September

Blonde Info

When you think about pop culture for long enough, inevitably you think about Marilyn Monroe. Her image, the perfect blonde hair and baby doll voice are iconic on a level that is practically impossible to describe. Her image is so well known that every female celebrity will, at some point, try to emulate it for a photoshoot. She’s a Halloween costume, a glossy image that has become a shorthand for fame and glamour… she’s also a woman who lived a life that was full of tragic moments that the public never knew about, or maybe they didn’t want to know. Slowly as time goes on, we’ve looked back on the life of Norma Jeane and learned more and more about the pain that hid behind the glamour. For years people have tried again and again to tell her story in many assorted ways, which leads us to Blonde… possibly the most exploitative version of the story ever told.

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After Ever Happy (2022) – No Happiness Here

Released: 8th September
Seen: 8th September

After Ever Happy Info

As much as one might try to go into a film as impartially as possible, it’s not always possible to do so. We are but humans and thus we will inevitably create biases without even thinking about it. A film’s marketing can set up expectations that a film might never meet, a film could have a dramatic history behind the scenes that leaks out into the public eye and makes you wary of what’s to come (Anyone else excited to find out what the hell is going on with that Don’t Worry Darling movie?) and sometimes you have to go see a film in a franchise that you have lovingly referred to as your nemesis so you go in fully prepared to hate it… So, my nemesis finally released the new entry, After Ever Happy and the film is just as awful as every other one but they finally added a twist that is undeniably fascinating.

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First Love (2022) – Break Up, Bye Bye

Released: 19th August
Seen: 4th September

First Love Info

The film series After has been a regular plaything on this blog, every new film that comes out is an exercise in absolute detestable agony largely due to the lead character Hardin Scott, played by Hero Fiennes Tiffin. The sad thing is that Hero seems like a nice enough person but every time he pops up, he plays someone so contemptible that it honestly feels like cruelty every time he’s brought up, so when his newest film First Love popped up on Prime that presented an opportunity. Maybe, just maybe, this will prove why Hero has been hired as a romantic lead and will explain the appeal he seemingly possesses. So, I decided to watch First Love and was hopeful that maybe I would get it… and OK, he’s charming enough, can he pick a good project now? 

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Three Thousand Years Of Longing (2022) – Longing For More

Released: 1st September
Seen: 4th September

George Miller is one of those directors who came on the scene with a film that changed cinema and has almost constantly delivered truly fascinating work. His film Mad Max is, without hyperbole, one of the most important features to come out during the Australian New Wave period that lasted from the start of the 70s to the end of the 80s. He has the distinction of being one of a handful of directors to handle every entry into a long-running franchise, and then we go outside that to see his work on such legendary films as Witches of Eastwick, Happy Feet and the absolutely perfect Babe 2: Pig In The City. He’s the kind of director who you can completely trust to give you a good time in the cinema… usually. With Three Thousand Years of Longing he delivered something else.

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Anything’s Possible (2022) – Charming

Released: 22nd July
Seen: 2nd September

Anything's Possible Info

Right now we are going through a bit of a golden era for representation in TV and movies, particularly for members of the LGBTQIA+ community. While the numbers still aren’t fantastic, there’s a noted increase in films that feature characters who are from that community actually played by actors from that community, trans actors playing trans characters are a thing that’s happening more frequently and it’s a glorious thing to see. 

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The Next 365 Days (2022) – Let The Pain End

Released: 19th August
Seen: 20th August

The Next 365 Days Info

Two years ago the world stared in genuine shock and awe as the atrocious rape-romanticisation known as 365 Days was unleashed onto an unsuspecting public. It was, and remains, one of the worst films of the last 10 years with atrocious dialogue, performances, plot and just about everything else that one could imagine. 

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Purple Hearts (2022) – Dishonourable Discharge

Released: 29th July
Seen: 17th August

Recently one of the big discourses around cinema has been the idea that superhero movies are destroying cinema. The idea is that they’re all the same and overwhelming the market, every movie nowadays wants to be just like them so we don’t get anything new or exciting. Respectfully, that feels like a case of hating the popular thing just because it’s popular. As someone who sits through hundreds of films a year for this blog, maybe half a dozen of them are superhero films and if anything, they’re a nice respite because they’re usually at least entertaining enough that it’s a few hours enjoyably spent.

No, you want to know what the real death of cinema looks like? It looks like yet another bland boring romance movie starring a pair of attractive people who can just barely get lines of dialogue out playing boring cliche characters with minimal chemistry (if any) who regurgitate the exact same romance plot we’ve seen a thousand times over… anyway, let’s talk about Purple Hearts

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Beauty & The Beast

Seen May 7th

onesheet

In 1991 Disney released Beauty and the Beast, a film that practically saved the studio and pushed it into the renaissance period of the studio. That period was hinted at with Little Mermaid but it’s Beauty and the Beast that reminded everyone that Disney still had it, soon followed by Aladdin and Lion King, it was a period in time when Disney was on top again and holds the distinction of being the first animated film to be nominated for Best Picture. It’s a goddamn iconic movie… so why the actual hell would anyone remake it?

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