28 Years Later: The Bone Temple (2026) – Bonkers

Released: 15th January
Seen: 1st April

28 Years Later was genuinely one of the best additions to the zombie movie genre in recent years, a visual treat filled with some of the most purely horrifying imagery. It was an absolutely great entry into the 28 Days Later franchise that promised to be the start of its own little trilogy, continuing the post-apocalyptic story by pushing it into a bold new direction. Well, if 28 Years Later was this franchise swinging for the fences, then 28 Years Later: The Bone Temple loads the franchise into a catapult and throws it over the fences with absolute fucking glee while doing so.

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Twisted (2026) – Uninspired

Released: 6th February
Seen: 1st April

The label Torture Porn was first used around 2006 when it was applied to films like Saw, Hostel and Wolf Creek. It was an easy way to describe some of the more extreme horror-slasher films of the era that almost revelled in how much gore they could get away with showing. They were some of the most extreme films in the genre that were also major hits in the mainstream cinemas and kind of opened a floodgate that we’re still dealing with. One of the people whose films first got this label, who really just seems to have embraced it in the years since, is the director of Saw 2-4 Darren Lynn Bousman, who used to be really good at making these films… but sadly, Twisted is far from his best work.

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Fackham Hall (2026) – Hilarious

Released: 19th February
Seen: 30th March

From 2010 until 2015, Downton Abbey was a mainstay of the television landscape. It was a cultural phenomenon that absolutely drowned in awards from all directions and is one of the rare TV series that would get to continue after its cancellation in the world of Feature Films. It could be suggested that without Downton Abbey being such a massive hit, we might not have series like Bridgerton or The Crown. It effectively started a wave of historical British dramas focused largely on the upper class that could live in lavish houses and only see a poor person whenever a servant was needed to clear out a chamber pot. Basically it’s the kind of genre that has been almost begging to have the almighty piss taken out of it for quite some time and with Fackham Hall, someone finally came along to do exactly that.

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1000 Women In Horror (2026) – Edifying

Released: 20th March
Seen: 29th March

Nowadays, it feels like talking about representation in the media is a touchy subject. Not because we aren’t doing enough (we’re not) or because the representation isn’t good (it could be better but we’re working on it) but because even talking about how cinema can represent a minority group of any form tends to make the morons who think DEI is a bad thing lose their fucking minds. Those morons are probably the ones who need the education that could be provided by a film like 1000 Women In Horror but they’re also the least likely to see it which is a shame because it’s quite good.

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I’m Chevy Chase And You’re Not (2026) – LIVE

Released: 1st January
Seen: 28th March

There are some things in life that are just undeniably true. The sky is blue, water is wet, Chevy Chase is a massive asshole. These things are facts that one cannot reasonably argue with anyone. That last one is a truth that people have really known for over 50 years, since his first appearance on TV the easy way to describe Chevy has been “Asshole”, for a period of time you might even put the word “Lovable” before “Asshole” but the general consensus has always been that Chevy Chase is an asshole… but what if there was more to him than just being a legendary entertainment asshole? Well, that’s what the documentary I’m Chevy Chase And You’re Not hopes to prove… if only its main subject would stop getting in the way.

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The Strangers: Chapter 3 (2026) – Zzzzz

Released: 5th February
Seen: 28th March

When I tried to watch the movie I plan on reviewing today, I decided to watch it using my Chromecast on my TV. I have one of those Chromecasts that uses apps so I can just open up the AppleTV app and watch anything I’d bought on iTunes on my TV, it’s very handy. So, I rented The Strangers: Chapter 3 and started to try and watch it and on no less than 4 occasions during the movie, the video stopped and the Chromecast proclaimed there was an error and it needed to stop… I should’ve taken that as an omen, the Chromecast was trying to protect me from absolute garbage but nonetheless I persisted.

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Mercy (2026) – Release Me

Released: 22nd January
Seen: 23rd March

For better or worse, we live in the era of AI… or at least the era of AI being brute-forced into our daily lives by billionaires who rely on it to turn a profit and make a couple of extra dollars. It’s in everything, it’s in all the apps you use, the very site I post this on offers AI to write a synopsis of what I post (you’ll be happy to know I never use it, I can write shitty unfunny synopsis’ all by myself), and it’s overtaken social media where it does fun things like “makes child sex abuse material” or “endorses white supremacy”. People are now losing jobs and being replaced by AI, which is incredibly faulty and has a high risk of errors… but no error is as big as the error that was made when someone decided to give Mercy a budget and allowed this film to exist because it’s just fucking bad.

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Melania (2026) – Uggh

Released: 30th January
Seen: 23rd March

Donald Trump is a horrific fascistic scumbag, a useless pile of flesh that’s held together by bitterness and rape allegations. He’s up there on the list of worst world leaders to ever exist and yes, I am including the German guy with the funny moustache in that assessment. He’s vile, putrid, disgusting, and that’s the polite terms I can use without potentially risking getting investigated by the FBI. I do not like the man whatsoever, and I never ever have… I also have never been a fan of his wife, Melania. I’ve seen other people on the left try to pass her off as some kind of victim who secretly hates him and needs to just get away but I’ve never been one of those people, I’ve always been down to say she’s just as bad as him so when I heard there was a documentary being made about her, I was not looking forward to it. Of course, her documentary’s been a big talking point all year; it made so much money but also got critically panned, and it’s been the butt of every joke about a bad documentary for several months now. Now I’m not going to pretend I’m a fan of the film’s subject matter (did you work that part out already), but hey, I can enjoy a documentary about a bad person if the documentary is done well… but this isn’t, it’s Melania, and there is nothing good about Melania.

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Oscar Predictions 2026

Once more we are at that time, the time where we all take a guess if the Academy of Motion Pictures is going to do something really cool or be their usual kind of boring selves. It’s been a pretty good year for film and certainly for the nominees. A new record has been set for the number of nominations a single film can get. We have a brand new category to deal with and several major international films are in discussion for some of the biggest awards. It’s also the first year where every single voter is contractually obligated to watch every film (because that was apparently not a thing up to this point)… I am not contractually obliged to see every film, in some cases I literally physically can’t but I saw as many as I could and now will use that to make my predictions for what will win, what I think should win, and what would cause some glorious chaos. 

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The Smashing Machine (2025) – Oh, Smashing

Released: 2nd October 2025
Seen: 9th February 2026

Over the last several decades, one of the biggest names in cinema has been The Rock, AKA Dwayne Johnson. His films have grossed billions of dollars; he is currently the 10th-highest-grossing actor of all time, and he did all that without having to appear in a Marvel film or anything involving Avatar. He’s one of the highest paid, most recognisable and most beloved film stars of recent years… but he’s not a great actor. Let’s be honest, no one’s ever accused him of giving a transformative performance in his entire career; the man is a personality who effectively plays himself in every single film he ever appears in. Now this isn’t a bad thing per se, a lot of very famous actors are kind of known for playing themselves in every film that they do (Ryan Reynolds, Jack Black, Will Ferrell just to name the first three that come to mind). With Dwayne Johnson, however, it comes with the fact that he not only plays the same character, but he’s doing it at a time when his wrestler-turned-actor contemporaries John Cena and Dave Bautista are delivering genuinely great, layered acting performances that demonstrate a range that Dwayne just hasn’t been able to do. What Dwayne’s been needing for quite some time is a chance to show off his skills, to stretch himself and prove that he isn’t just a one-trick pony… The Smashing Machine does kind of prove that, but in a way that also really shows off his limitations

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