Cold Storage (2026) – Chill

Released: 12th March
Seen: 12th July

In 1985, Return of the Living Dead was released. Created by John Russo, the co-creator of Night Of The Living Dead, the film was a comedic follow-up to the deeply disturbing original that became a cult hit on its own and was the origin of the idea that Zombies specifically hunger for brains above all else. It spawned a bunch of sequels of varying quality but is still an important element of horror’s history… and Cold Storage is the knockoff brand version of that franchise, and hey considering it’s been 20 years since we got a Return of the Living Dead movie then someone might as well come up with an alternative for us to enjoy.

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Evil Dead Burn (2026) – Heated

Released: 10th July
Seen: 10th July

In 1979, Sam Raimi ran off into the forest with a bunch of his friends (including the chin-tastic Bruce Campbell) to make a feature length version of his short film Within The Woods. It was an insane idea made on a microbudget with effects that Sam made up on the fly, people got injured on set and for some reason they decided to strap a camera to a plank of wood and have two guys run through the swamp carrying it to get the shot. It was the kind of filmmaking that would make insurance agents weep and it ended up creating the 1981 film The Evil Dead.

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Ready Or Not 2: Here I Come (2026) – FOUND YOU!

Released: 9th April
Seen: 5th July

In 2019, the filmmaking team known as Radio Silence graduated from making short films that were part of anthology features into making a feature-length film all of their own. That film was Ready Or Not which presented us with a young woman named Grace (Samara Weaving) who married into a rich family and had to take part in a little family ritual where they play a game on the night a new family member joins them. Unfortunately, she picks hide and seek and thus is required to hide while the family hunts her. It was a glorious romp of a film, very silly and campy at times but with enough tension, good characters and enough gore to satisfy any horror fan. It ended with a spectacular shower of blood flying everywhere as Grace won her little game and made her new family explode. It was a glorious film that probably didn’t need a sequel, but damn I’m glad it has one.

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They Will Kill You (2026) – Killer

Released: 12th March
Seen: 13th June

In 2019, a fun little horror film called Ready or Not came out and became a major hit, at least among Horror fans. The film itself revolved around a bride being introduced to her new family, who turn out to be Satan worshippers, who need to hunt her down and kill her by sunrise to give their dark lord a tribute to maintain their family’s wealth. It was a truly insane, blood-soaked ride full of dark comedy and some of the most insane action scenes. It was a film that was almost destined to have imitators, and now here comes They Will Kill You that gives a crash course in how to copy from other better films and still make something awesome.

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Scary Movie (2026) – Laughable

Released: 4th June
Seen: 9th June

In the year 2000, the Wayans Brothers decided it was time to spoof the horror genre that was just entering a boom period (thanks to the movie Scream), so they released Scary Movie. The film was a broad, offensive and ultimately hilarious piss-take of not just Scream but the entire horror genre as it was then. Now, at the time I was too young to watch that movie in cinemas, but once it hit video store shelves, I rented that film at the local Blockbuster so many times that I almost wore the tape out. It was hilarious, one of the funniest films I’d seen at that point. Sure, I can look back and see the parts of it that don’t age particularly well (no comedy ages well, it’s just a matter of time before a joke will die of old age and offensive humour is particularly susceptible to that) but it was still a formative experience so naturally when news of the Wayans Brothers returning to the franchise came out I was excited, surely a new Scary Movie would be just as hilarious and biting as ever… surely.

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Pretty Lethal (2026) – Pretty Fun

Released: 25th March
Seen: 8th June

In 2024, a little film called Abigail came out and showed people that the combination of ballerinas and bloodshed could end up making a genuinely fun film if done well. Something about the combination of this glamorous artform that’s largely considered the realm of young women and girls blended with about 50 gallons of the red stuff is a recipe for a good time that the whole family can enjoy (provided your family is suitably fucked up). While Abigail was a ton of fun, it didn’t do quite as wel at the box office as it probably should have, thanks to an ad campaign that gave away the film’s big twist… but hey, at least it got a cinematic release unlike the delightfully fun Pretty Lethal which had to take its blood-soaked ballerinas to enjoy them on streaming instead.

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Obsession (2026) – Obsessed

Released: 12th March
Seen: 19th May

Go see Obsession. Go. Now. Stop reading this review, go to your vehicle, drive to your local cinema, purchase a ticket for the movie Obsession and then come back. I could pussyfoot around and deliver an opening paragraph about how “Friends to lovers plots are a dime a dozen” and then transition into how unique this version is or talk about the rise in YouTubers making horror movies that’re better than anything else coming out from the major studios or just come up with some elaborate explanation of the concept of obsession, all were options I went with for this opening paragraph that’s designed to be something above the read more line but instead I’m going with GO AND SEE THIS FUCKING MOVIE RIGHT FUCKING NOW!… Thank you, now we can continue.

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Send Help (2026) – Outwits, Outlasts, Outplays

Released: 29th January
Seen: 13th May

In the year 2000, the world was introduced to a reality show that would go on to effectively change history. Survivor, now in its 50th season, took a bunch of random people and dumped them on an island with nothing but their wits and tasked them with surviving for 39 days to try and win a million-dollar prize. It was a monster hit, revolutionised TV as we know it, effectively turned reality TV into the genre we know today and made producer Mark Burnett into such a massive figure that he was able to get another show off the ground, The Apprentice. Speaking of things that start with getting trapped on a desert island and end in unnecessary death, carnage and projectile vomiting, Send Help is a pretty great movie.

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Dolly (2026) – Hello, Dolly

Released: 12th March
Seen: 3rd May

The 80s horror boom is something that still fascinates people, it was a true golden age of horror films where everyone was making truly glorious, insane shit that would end up becoming cult hits. Part of the reason this was possible was the rise of consumer video equipment, film cameras that used to be prohibitively expensive or the stuff of hobbyists could now be bought by just about anyone. You didn’t even need decent quality film, you could make an entire movie using nothing but VHS tapes and it could be released to video stores where people would actually watch it. People made some gloriously messed-up films back then, films that would’ve never made it past any studio producer with any sense of human decency. It’s that glorious period of cinema that feels closest to what Dolly is trying to do and it nails what it’s aiming for.

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Thrash (2026) – Fishy

Released: 10th April
Seen: 16th April

In 1975 Steven Spielberg changed the world of cinema forever by introducing the world to a shark named Bruce in the movie Jaws. Jaws was the original summer blockbuster, proving that action spectacle done well can be a massive hit at the box office. It’s also the quintessential shark movie, laying a blueprint for all other movies about sharks that would inevitably follow over the years. Shark movies are kind of ubiquitous at this point, every year there’s at least a couple and they can range from being surprisingly good to absolute dog shit, from serious to goofy. Then you get a film like Thrash which seems to be trying to see just how many kinds of shark movie it can copy during its runtime but just ends up making for a film that’s at best just kind of OK.

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