A Haunting In Venice (2023) – I Moustache A Question

IMPORTANT NOTE: This piece was written during the 2023 WGA and SAG-AFTRA strikes. Without the labor of the writers and actors currently on strike, the movies being covered here wouldn’t exist.

Released: 14th September
Seen: 20th September

Six years ago Kenneth Branaugh released Murder On The Orient Express, a surprise blockbuster murder mystery that showed there was still a lot of love for the classic murder mystery genre. Hell, it’s probably fair to say that without the success of Murder On The Orient Express we wouldn’t have seen Knives Out a few years later, Of course, because Murder On The Orient Express was such a huge hit, and there are over 40 assorted Hercule Poirot novels that could be adapted, naturally that meant a sequel which is why we got Death On The Nile last year. That film was not one that ended up being reviewed over here because of the Armie Hammer allegations which made the prospect of seeing it just a little bit depressing, and now definitely won’t be seeing it thanks to the Russell Brand allegations. Fortunately, Death On The Nile does not appear to be required viewing in order to follow A Haunting In Venice, if you even want to try and follow it.

Continue reading “A Haunting In Venice (2023) – I Moustache A Question”

Haunted Mansion (2023) – Rich

IMPORTANT NOTE: This piece was written during the 2023 WGA and SAG-AFTRA strikes. Without the labor of the writers and actors currently on strike, the movies being covered here wouldn’t exist.

Released: 31st August
Seen: 21st September

Haunted Mansion Info

The Haunted Mansion is probably one of the most famous theme park attractions of all time. It’s so well known that even people who have never actually visited the park it’s built in at least know a few of its iconic visuals, like the ballroom full of ghosts or the elongating rooms. It’s such an iconic ride that it was inevitable that it’d inspire a movie and in 2003 it ended up doing so with The Haunted Mansion, a film that was certainly financially successful but was critically panned and not looked back on fondly by most (though it does have a cult following). The property would remain untouched in cinematic form for years until 2021 when the Muppets took a crack at it and, while their version only lasted a little under an hour, it was still well received by a lot of people and maybe gave Disney confidence they needed to really believe in another cinematic version of Haunted Mansion… and it’s a good thing they did because the new version is surprisingly good.

Continue reading “Haunted Mansion (2023) – Rich”

Marlowe (2023) – Mar-no

IMPORTANT NOTE: This piece was written during the 2023 WGA and SAG-AFTRA strikes. Without the labor of the writers and actors currently on strike, the movies being covered here wouldn’t exist.

Released: 6th April
Seen: 11th September

Philip Marlowe started life as a character created in the 1920s, created by Raymond Chandler for a series of short stories that appeared in assorted magazines at the time. Before Raymond’s death in 1959 he would end up writing over half a dozen books about Philip Marlowe’s adventures, along with several short stories that would make up a few anthologies. The character was so popular that even after Raymond’s death there were books written by other authors, more and more detective stories about Marlowe have filled bookshelves over the years.

Continue reading “Marlowe (2023) – Mar-no”

The Ritual Killer (2023) – Dead Boring

IMPORTANT NOTE: This piece was written during the 2023 WGA and SAG-AFTRA strikes. Without the labor of the writers and actors currently on strike, the movies being covered here wouldn’t exist.

Released: 19th April
Seen: 9th September

The Ritual Killer INfo

I think it’s time to ask a very serious question… does Morgan Freeman owe someone money? Does the legendary five-time Oscar-nominated (and only one-time winner, somehow) who starred in such monster hits as The Shawshank Redemption and Bruce Almighty have a huge tax bill that he needs to pay off? It’s a question that feels like it needs to be asked because lately, it seems that every time he’s being seen on screen it’s in some low-budget piece of shit that shouldn’t exist, a piece of shit selling itself almost entirely on the fact that it stars Morgan Freeman. This is a man who deserves to only have to work when he wants to, when a project is good enough to be worthy of him… he shouldn’t have to take up a supporting role in The Ritual Killer to pay the bills!

Continue reading “The Ritual Killer (2023) – Dead Boring”

Missing (2023) – Found It

Released: 23rd February
Seen: 28th May

In 2018 a little film called Searching was released to an unsuspecting public. Now at the time we had a few films that used the “it’s happening on a computer screen” gimmick (also known as Screenlife) but none had used it quite as effectively as Searching did in order to tell a truly intense story of a kidnapping from the POV of a worried father trying to use technology in order to find his daughter. It was an undeniable hit, raking in about 75 million on a budget that was basically just a few go-pros and a pair of fairly well-known actors but with its creative presentation and twist-filled story, it managed to get enough attention that a franchise sprung forth. This is how we get the film Missing, a follow-up that proves that there is a lot more life left in this concept that can hopefully be explored.

Continue reading “Missing (2023) – Found It”

Knock At The Cabin (2023) – Choices

Released: 17th May
Seen: 23rd May

There is a trope in fiction known as “Bury Your Gays” which has become somewhat of a problem in certain pieces of media. The idea is depressingly simple, the idea being that there is a disproportionate number of gay characters dying, normally as a way to expand a straight character’s storyline. Now this doesn’t mean that you can never kill off a gay character, far from it. However, if you do, it should be at the same proportion as straight characters and, preferably, not be completely pointless. Knock at the Cabin is a case study in how to do this correctly while also indulging in more than a few of M Night Shyamalan’s worst tendencies as a writer/director.

Continue reading “Knock At The Cabin (2023) – Choices”

Scream 6 (2023) – Scream A Little Louder

Released: 9th March
Seen: 8th March

On June 6th Neve Campbell made an announcement that she was not going to appear in Scream 6 due to negotiations with Paramount falling through when they didn’t give her the money that she felt she was worth to the franchise. This was, quite frankly, insane to believe because Neve Campbell is the face of the Scream franchise, as important to it as phone calls and the concept of horror movie trivia so for Paramount to decide to just not give her what she is worth is abysmal on their part. It is my sincere hope that when Scream 7 comes around they actually give her what she deserves and then some because I don’t know how many films in this franchise they can make without the iconic Sidney Prescott… apparently, they can make at least one though because, despite this serious issue, Scream 6 is actually fantastic.

Continue reading “Scream 6 (2023) – Scream A Little Louder”

The Pale Blue Eye (2022) – Meh-dgar Allen Poe

Released: 6th January
Seen: 8th January

The Pale Blue Eye Info

Last year I reviewed a little film called Raven’s Hollow which asked the question “What if Edgar Allen Poe tried to solve a murder that would feel right at home in an Edgar Allen Poe story?” and it was quite OK, it was a good movie that did pretty much what you would hope a film might do with that basis and that was about it. Indeed in general the best thing that can be said about it is that apparently, it might’ve started a mild trend of films where Edgar Allen Poe has to deal with the messed up shit that is found in Edgar Allen Poe stories, which could be a fun genre to play in and while The Pale Blue Eye is certainly trying to do something interesting with the idea, it doesn’t quite do it right.

Continue reading “The Pale Blue Eye (2022) – Meh-dgar Allen Poe”

The Outfit (2022) – See My Vest

Released: 18th August
Seen: 16th November

The Outfit Info

There really is nothing quite like a gangster film, it’s such a fascinating underground world that can often lead to a story full of intrigue, backstabbing and murder if done right. Of course, the problem is that there have been so many truly great films in this genre that it’s hard to do something to stand out. You could go the Guy Ritchie route with something like The Gentlemen and make a big broad comedy full of fast quipping characters, a ton of extravagant action scenes and just blow the budget on going all out or you could take the route The Outfit takes and be a little quieter, calculated and generally intriguing.

Continue reading “The Outfit (2022) – See My Vest”

Smile (2022) – It’s Smile Time!

Released: 29th September
Seen: 16th November

2022 is turning out to be a fantastic year for horror, every month just seems to have another great horror flick for fans of the genre to enjoy. Not only has Horror as a genre been doing great, but the kind of horror that’s striking it big is so varied. Films like Terrifier 2, Barbarian, Scream, Hellraiser, Bodies Bodies Bodies, Nope and X are just a handful of horror titles that’ve come out this year and turned this into one of those years that horror fans will mark as a turning point for the genre. Smile is just another film to throw on the pile that we will point to in years to come when proclaiming 2022 to be one of the best years for horror in quite a long time.

Also, time to issue a content warning, this film deals heavily with ideas of suicide and mental illness and those will need to be discussed so consider this your trigger warning.

Continue reading “Smile (2022) – It’s Smile Time!”