Ladies First (2026) – Dull

Released: 22nd May
Seen: 26th May

“Man learns what it’s like to be a woman” is a classic story that film has used countless times to explore the complex issues between the sexes. This was perhaps done most bluntly in the film What Women Want, a cheesy film from the year 2000 that featured Mel Gibson as a sexist advertising executive who ends up getting the strange power to hear women’s thoughts, which he ends up using to further his career while learning about how hard it is for the opposite gender and improving as a man. Well, now we get Ladies First, which is kind of like What Women Want if it wasn’t that funny and didn’t have the nerve to actually really discuss the issues it brings up, but it can make a lot of unfunny jokes about balls… so that’s something.

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Obsession (2026) – Obsessed

Released: 12th March
Seen: 19th May

Go see Obsession. Go. Now. Stop reading this review, go to your vehicle, drive to your local cinema, purchase a ticket for the movie Obsession and then come back. I could pussyfoot around and deliver an opening paragraph about how “Friends to lovers plots are a dime a dozen” and then transition into how unique this version is or talk about the rise in YouTubers making horror movies that’re better than anything else coming out from the major studios or just come up with some elaborate explanation of the concept of obsession, all were options I went with for this opening paragraph that’s designed to be something above the read more line but instead I’m going with GO AND SEE THIS FUCKING MOVIE RIGHT FUCKING NOW!… Thank you, now we can continue.

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Send Help (2026) – Outwits, Outlasts, Outplays

Released: 29th January
Seen: 13th May

In the year 2000, the world was introduced to a reality show that would go on to effectively change history. Survivor, now in its 50th season, took a bunch of random people and dumped them on an island with nothing but their wits and tasked them with surviving for 39 days to try and win a million-dollar prize. It was a monster hit, revolutionised TV as we know it, effectively turned reality TV into the genre we know today and made producer Mark Burnett into such a massive figure that he was able to get another show off the ground, The Apprentice. Speaking of things that start with getting trapped on a desert island and end in unnecessary death, carnage and projectile vomiting, Send Help is a pretty great movie.

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Pillion (2026) – BD-YES-M

Released: 19th February
Seen: 13th May

In November of last year, a phenomenon was released. Heated Rivalry was one of those things that probably shouldn’t have been a hit, an explicit gay romance story about two hockey players is the kind of thing that would normally end up being a big deal in the LGBTQIA+ community but wouldn’t really be a huge thing outside it so for this little show to become one of the biggest pop culture moments ever is stunning. The last time something this pointedly sexual got to be so mainstream was when 50 Shades Of Grey introduced suburban housewives to the world of BDSM (albeit doing it badly, according to people in the BDSM community). Of course, there are still works being made that play in the BDSM and queer worlds that don’t get mainstream coverage, such as the film Pillion which is probably a little too much for the mainstream, but it’s still quite spectacular in itself.

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“Wuthering Heights” (2026) – Too Hot, Too Greedy

Released: 12th February
Seen: 3rd May

In 1847, Emily Brontë released her first and only novel, Wuthering Heights, under the pen name Ellis Bell,. The story has gone on to be considered a classic, a gothic tragedy that has been told countless times since then. It’s inspired plays, operas, TV and film adaptations and of course the first single by the iconic Kate Bush. It’s also one of those books I haven’t had a chance to read yet so if you’re hoping to find out if this is an accurate adaptation, I’m not the man for that. I am pretty confident that this film is not the most faithful adaptation ever, but it’s also not trying to be faithful and if you meet it on the level it’s working at you might find there’s something interesting here.

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Dolly (2026) – Hello, Dolly

Released: 12th March
Seen: 3rd May

The 80s horror boom is something that still fascinates people, it was a true golden age of horror films where everyone was making truly glorious, insane shit that would end up becoming cult hits. Part of the reason this was possible was the rise of consumer video equipment, film cameras that used to be prohibitively expensive or the stuff of hobbyists could now be bought by just about anyone. You didn’t even need decent quality film, you could make an entire movie using nothing but VHS tapes and it could be released to video stores where people would actually watch it. People made some gloriously messed-up films back then, films that would’ve never made it past any studio producer with any sense of human decency. It’s that glorious period of cinema that feels closest to what Dolly is trying to do and it nails what it’s aiming for.

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Apex (2026) – High Climber

Released: 24th April
Seen: 26th April

The Ozploitation genre used to be truly great. Back in the 70s and 80s, Australia made absolutely batshit genre films that utilised the outback landscape (and a few stereotypes about Australians) to create some genuinely amazing films. Razorback, Patrick, Long Weekend and a whole bunch more weird horror films set Down Under were a great part of the underground cinema of the day… and then they kind of became rare birds, the truly wild days where we could just throw a few people into the middle of nowhere and make a film are rare to say the least. It’s a film style that really should make a comeback, but until then, I will happily take Apex, Netflix’s high-budget imitation brand version of a cheesy Ozploitation film, even if it does have a lot fewer Aussies involved than one might like.

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Thrash (2026) – Fishy

Released: 10th April
Seen: 16th April

In 1975 Steven Spielberg changed the world of cinema forever by introducing the world to a shark named Bruce in the movie Jaws. Jaws was the original summer blockbuster, proving that action spectacle done well can be a massive hit at the box office. It’s also the quintessential shark movie, laying a blueprint for all other movies about sharks that would inevitably follow over the years. Shark movies are kind of ubiquitous at this point, every year there’s at least a couple and they can range from being surprisingly good to absolute dog shit, from serious to goofy. Then you get a film like Thrash which seems to be trying to see just how many kinds of shark movie it can copy during its runtime but just ends up making for a film that’s at best just kind of OK.

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Primate (2026) – Monkey Business

Released: 22nd January
Seen: 14th April

On Feb 16th 2009, a chimpanzee named Travis mauled a woman. Travis was owned by Sandra Herald and on this day he was acting oddly, including stealing Sandra’s car keys and refusing to stay inside the house. Sandra asked her friend Charla to help get Travis inside, using his favourite toy as bait to try and lure him… Travis would end up disfiguring Charla, tearing off her face, destroying limbs and leaving her blind for life. He would be shot 4 times by police officers and still somehow had the strength to walk to his enclosure where he died. Charla would need extensive surgery, including a face transplant but she is still currently alive. This event really was a moment where a lot of people realised that chimpanzees could be incredibly violent and do a lot of damage to the human body… naturally this means a horror movie was kind of inevitable and damn, Primate is brutal in the exact way you would kind of want a movie like this to be (and yes, we can enjoy a film that does a fictional take on a real horror like the one that I just described, if we couldn’t then we just couldn’t enjoy films in general)

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28 Years Later: The Bone Temple (2026) – Bonkers

Released: 15th January
Seen: 1st April

28 Years Later was genuinely one of the best additions to the zombie movie genre in recent years, a visual treat filled with some of the most purely horrifying imagery. It was an absolutely great entry into the 28 Days Later franchise that promised to be the start of its own little trilogy, continuing the post-apocalyptic story by pushing it into a bold new direction. Well, if 28 Years Later was this franchise swinging for the fences, then 28 Years Later: The Bone Temple loads the franchise into a catapult and throws it over the fences with absolute fucking glee while doing so.

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