Slay (2024) – YAAASSSSS!!

Released: 22nd March
Seen: 1st April

A lot of streaming services have taken to making their own original films and for good reason, those films are owned by the streaming service and therefore can’t be taken away by any company (the exception to this is HBO Max who make and take away their own products because HBO Max is run by a fucking moron). There’s a general belief on this blog that those streaming originals are just as valid as any other film and thus they get reviewed, be they from Netflix, Prime or Shudder.

The one streaming service that has been an exception to this and that’s Tubi, which is weird because that’s a free service so their original films are easiest to access. However, their films also just don’t really stand out enough to warrant discussion. No one talks about the Terror Train remake, War of the Worlds: Annihilation or the sequel to the Terror Train remake that came out 3 months after the Terror Train remake so it felt pointless reviewing them when there were bigger things to review. Maybe that snobbery needs to be looked at, maybe some of Tubi’s garbage needs to be ransacked… or maybe I was just waiting for Tubi to release an original film that might interest me and “Drag Queen Vampire movie” is absolutely the kind of film I’m very interested in.

Continue reading “Slay (2024) – YAAASSSSS!!”

Dream Scenario (2024) – Dreamy

Released: 1st January
Seen: 31st March

Dream Scenario Info

There is no term on the planet that I hate more than “Cancel Culture”, it’s a term that was basically invented by assholes to make it seem like being told to stop being racist/sexist/bigoted was a free speech violation. It’s almost always an attempt for people to brush aside consequences for when they act like an idiot in public… that being said, there are some times when the reaction by the internet is horribly over the top. Sometimes someone in public makes a joke that’s a little off-colour or does something that’s accidentally disrespectful, the internet jumps on them and vilifies them for a while before the person makes a grovelling apology which only makes things worse until the internet moves onto their next target. On Twitter (I refuse to call it anything else than that) we call this the Twitter Main Character where the ultimate goal is not to become that person. It looks like the cycle of the Twitter Main Character has officially gone mainstream because Dream Scenario is basically a feature film based around that concept and it’s just as weird and hilarious as you might expect.

Continue reading “Dream Scenario (2024) – Dreamy”

Beautiful Wedding (2024) – Annulment

Released: 8th March
Seen: 12th March

Beautiful Wedding Info

Directed & Written By: Roger Kumble

Starring: Virginia Gardner, Dylan Sprouse, Libe Barer, Austin North

In 2023 the film Beautiful Disaster was unleashed onto an unsuspecting and unwilling public. It’s part of this weird era of film where everyone wants to do their own Fifty Shades AKA Take a shitty fanfiction, file off some serial numbers and make a movie about it. This gave us the awful After series, the rapey 365 Days series and a series that exists, Beautiful Disaster paired a bad boy boxer and an innocent young woman who made a bet with each other that they wouldn’t sleep together for 30 days, which naturally led to the both of them starting a relationship because that’s how these movies go. It was certainly not the worst version of this kind of movie, but it was pretty bad (I named it the 8th worst movie of 2023, something that I stand by) so knowing that a sequel was coming out made my blood run cold. I thought the After series was done, maybe I’d be free from this crap for a while but no… Prime Studios have other plans for me, bad plans.

Continue reading “Beautiful Wedding (2024) – Annulment”

American Fiction (2024) – Stranger Than… Well

Released: 9th January
Seen: 27th February

We live in an age where we keep hearing the same refrain over and over again, “No one can take a joke anymore, you can’t joke about anything”. It’s a refrain screamed largely by people who’ve been telling the exact same joke since 1993 and can’t be bothered to update their material. The truth is that you can still make jokes about pretty much anything as long as you do it well, you can push the boundaries of good taste if you’re able to actually do something interesting. Comedy is still fairly easy to do and can be quite shocking while doing it, you just need to not only tell the jokes well but know what you want to target with your comedy. American Fiction knows exactly what it wants to target with its comedy, and oh boy does it land every single punch that it throws.

Continue reading “American Fiction (2024) – Stranger Than… Well”

May December (2024) – Once Upon A December

Released: 1st February
Seen: 13th February

In 1997, Mary Kay Letourneau pleaded guilty to 2 counts of second-degree rape of a child. The child in question was 12-year-old Vili Fualaau and what made this case turn into the stuff of tabloid legend was that not only would Mary Kay go on to give birth to Fualaau’s child while in prison (two of them throughout the relationship, but one specifically was born during her initial prison sentence) but they would eventually get married and remain married for 14 years, until 2019. The entire story was everything that the tabloids love, it had sex, intrigue, lying, and a hint of a taboo romance that created an epic drama that people could follow. Everyone who was around then heard at least one or two comics making jokes about how lucky Vili in particular was to be in a situation where an older woman had sex with him, it was the ultimate water cooler topic for ages… and in the center of it all were two people, one of whom was a victim who didn’t get his story told. Sadly, May December doesn’t tell his story as it probably could’ve, but using the Letourneau/Fualaau story as a springboard it weaves a darkly fascinating tale of its own.

Continue reading “May December (2024) – Once Upon A December”

Role Play (2024) – Playtimes Over

Released: 12th January
Seen: 25th January

Role Play Info

A simple concept done well will almost always be a recipe for a great time in a film, at least in terms of a film that can be easily enjoyed by the masses and provides a solid hour and a half of entertainment. You don’t need major stars or fancy locations or anything like that, just a simple idea that can provide a good thrill ride for a few hours. If done well you can make something magical, but if done wrong then it feels like you failed at doing something so incredibly basic that the only rational response is to point and laugh at the failure… but in the case of Role Play, that would imply that there was something funny going on and that just doesn’t seem to happen here.

Continue reading “Role Play (2024) – Playtimes Over”

Poor Things (2024) – RICH!

Released: 18th January
Seen: 23rd January

Yorgos Lanthimos is one of those directors who you can guarantee will deliver a film that’s so different from everything else in the cinema that it’s hard to describe it as anything other than “A Yorgos Lanthimos Film”. Even when he does something close to a regular period piece like in his last film The Favourite there is something just beneath the surface that creates a strange experience. He’s one of those filmmakers that we’re lucky to have because he keeps things interesting and allows the audiences who see his work to experience something truly unique. Once again, with his latest film Poor Things, Yorgos has delivered something truly fascinating to behold.

Continue reading “Poor Things (2024) – RICH!”

The Holdovers (2024) – Hold On

Released: 11th January
Seen: 17th January

Making an original Christmas film is an art that seems to be lost. Sure every year there’s the requisite retellings of A Christmas Carol that everyone tries to tell but an actual enjoyable film that captures a Christmas spirit is hard to come by. The last truly great one that I can think of might be Violent Night, which falls into that category of “What if we took something wholesome and made it say fuck while it bled out”, it’s just not easy to pull off but when you can make something that captures a very specific element of the Christmas season you get something kind of special, and The Holdovers definitely captures something kind of special.

Continue reading “The Holdovers (2024) – Hold On”

Destroy All Neighbors (2024) – There Goes The Neighborhood

Released: 12th January
Seen: 15th January

At the start of this year, I put up a list of the best films of 2023 and top of that list was something called Cocaine Bear, a film that to this day delights me with its simple direct fun. Honestly half the time I go see a movie that’s what I go for, something that’s just uncomplicated fun that can be enjoyed without much thought at all. Horror comedies tend to be probably the best genre for doing this because often they are so heightened in their stupidity that even the average ones can be good enough for a fun time, especially when they embrace their own insanity and do something unexpected. This is why Destroy All Neighbors is such an enjoyable time, although it probably isn’t going to end up topping this year’s best list.

Continue reading “Destroy All Neighbors (2024) – There Goes The Neighborhood”

Lift (2024) – Drop It

Released: 12th January
Seen: 15th January

Lift Info

It’s become something of a joke lately that Netflix keeps producing so many films that they can’t even properly advertise them all, but it’s also probably for the best that they don’t because a lot of them are strangely forgettable garbage that’s just kind of created so that Netflix has a library of films that will never be taken away from them. What’s weird about this is that Netflix spends an absolutely jaw-dropping amount on films that, at best, will spend an eternity sitting in their digital library where they aren’t really designed to turn a profit. These are blockbusters that are made without the intention of getting blockbuster profits, a strange phenomenon that would maybe be OK if it led to fun enjoyable films… but it doesn’t, it leads to content like Lift

Continue reading “Lift (2024) – Drop It”