The Last Voyage Of The Demeter (2023) – Ship Shape

IMPORTANT NOTE: This piece was written during the 2023 WGA and SAG-AFTRA strikes. Without the labor of the writers and actors currently on strike, the movies being covered here wouldn’t exist.

Released: 10th August
Seen: 23rd August

In the 1897 novel Dracula, chapter 7 spends most of its time presenting pages from a log from a ship known as the Demeter. The pages from the log show the events that took place on a ship carrying a large quantity of goods from Varna, Bulgaria all the way to Whitby, England. As the journal goes on it becomes apparent that the trip was hijacked by the titular Dracula who slowly picked off the crew. It’s a single chapter, barely even 3000 words long and basically just meant to explain how the titular vampire managed to make it from his home in Bulgaria to England in a time when the only way to do so would’ve been by boat. It’s the kind of thing that most adaptations might make into a quick 2-minute scene, maybe not even fully delve into all the details but the people behind The Last Voyage Of The Demeter looked at that 3000 words and realised that could make for a pretty fun horror flick and thus, we got this enjoyable little treat.

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Magic Mike’s Last Dance (2023) – Last Chance

IMPORTANT NOTE: This piece was written during the 2023 WGA and SAG-AFTRA strikes. Without the labor of the writers and actors currently on strike, the movies being covered here wouldn’t exist.

Released: 9th February
Seen: 22nd August

In 2012 the movie Magic Mike came out, loosely based on Channing Tatum’s real-life history as a stripper. It was a massive hit that showed that a film about strippers could actually be something of a mainstream movie (though this reviewer would argue that it takes itself far too seriously and the only fun bits are the parts happening in the club, the film spends a little too much time talking about furniture repair and drugs to actually be fun) which naturally led to a sequel in 2015, Magic Mike XXL, a film that seemed to get that part of the enjoyment of stripper movies is that they’re cheesy and fun and mostly an excuse to get a bunch of very attractive people to dance in suggestive outfits (and this reviewer would argue it’s better than the original, certainly utilizes the talented ensemble cast’s comedic skills in ways that the first film didn’t). The sequel made so much money that it was inevitable that another sequel was going to happen, it’s just a little sad that it took about 8 years to get Magic Mike’s Last Dance and it ended up being kind of a dud.

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What’s Love Got To Do With It (2023) – Fine

IMPORTANT NOTE: This piece was written during the 2023 WGA and SAG-AFTRA strikes. Without the labor of the writers and actors currently on strike, the movies being covered here wouldn’t exist.

Released: 26th January
Seen: 11th August

Sometimes a film title is so strongly tied to the content of the film that the title enters a list of titles that probably should never be used again. Some titles just draw certain images to your mind, for example, a film could never reasonably be called “Philadelphia” again because everyone’s going to make a horrific AIDS joke about it. Some titles just have a link to a topic to them that can’t be ignored… this was the thought process I had when I heard that a film was coming out called What’s Love Got To Do With It? because that is the title of the legendary 1993 Tina Turner biopic and using that title for a silly little romcom felt like an insane choice. Having seen the film, it turns out that it’s not a big deal because something tells me that no one’s going to really remember that this one exists in a few years so there shouldn’t be any confusion happening.

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80 For Brady (2023) – Legendarily Average

IMPORTANT NOTE: This piece was written during the 2023 WGA and SAG-AFTRA strikes. Without the labor of the writers and actors currently on strike, the movies being covered here wouldn’t exist.

Released: 27th July
Seen: 5th August

A sad truth about Hollywood is that older actresses tend to get nowhere near as many good roles as they deserve. It’s certainly getting better, last year alone had several great legendary older women turning out some great performances and even getting awards love for it but most of them are being relegated to either side characters or underwhelming grandma roles. Fortunately, there is a slowly growing subgenre of films that video essayist Be Kind Rewind has effectively dubbed Book Club films, which tend to include a group of assorted iconic actresses on a simple little adventure. The downside is that these films don’t really give these legendary actresses much to do beyond just hanging out together and getting a cheque – and in the case of 80 for Brady, four icons are relegated to a barely watchable Super Bowl advertisement.

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Talk To Me (2023) – Give Them A Hand

IMPORTANT NOTE: This piece was written during the 2023 WGA and SAG-AFTRA strikes. Without the labor of the writers and actors currently on strike, the movies being covered here wouldn’t exist.

Released: 27th July
Seen: 5th August

It’s a sad truth that Australian cinema isn’t as popular as it used to be. Sure we had our heyday with films like Priscilla, Strictly Ballroom and Razorback but lately it feels like we’re mostly just a cheap backlot for American films with very few serious hits of our own. So when an Australian film not only manages to score a great opening week at the box office (especially against juggernauts like Barbie) but gets rave reviews that’s cause for celebration, especially because Talk To Me manages to live up to the insane hype that surrounds it.

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The Pope’s Exorcist (2023) – Holy Hell

IMPORTANT NOTE: This piece was written during the 2023 WGA and SAG-AFTRA strikes. Without the labor of the writers and actors currently on strike, the movies being covered here wouldn’t exist.

Released: 6th April
Seen: 24th July

It’s almost a cliche at this point to bring up The Exorcist when talking about a movie featuring exorcism but it’s kind of impossible, some movies are just such a massive part of the cinematic landscape that anyone else touching that subgenre is inevitably going to be compared to them. Horror in particular has this problem a lot, all slasher movies tend to be leaning into templates made by Halloween or Friday the 13th, all Zombie movies are just riffing on Dawn of the Dead and all exorcism movies are basically just The Exorcist with a fresh coat of paint. You can absolutely do new interesting things with the genre, films like The Exorcism of Emily Rose throwing the genre into the courtroom create an interesting take on the genre… or you can just go “Oh but here’s a real person who actually did this job” and then do another version of The Exorcist but without the brilliance that made the 1977 film an absolute legend.

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My Barbenheimer Experience

IMPORTANT NOTE: This piece was written during the 2023 WGA and SAG-AFTRA strikes. Without the labor of the writers and actors currently on strike, the movies being covered here wouldn’t exist.

There really is nothing quite like a good old double feature. Two films intentionally curated to be screened back to back and shared by a collective audience who can use one film to build up to another, it’s an idea so fundamental to the film-going experience that at least one film has opened with a song dedicated to the glory of double features (albeit ones of the Science Fiction variety). 

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Mafia Mamma (2023) – Mamma Mia!

Released: 13th April
Seen: 13th July

There are some actors who are so singularly talented that any material they’re given is almost automatically made better just by their involvement, the kind of performer who manages to shine even in absolute garbage. You have some obvious choices, all-time legends like Meryl Streep and Glenn Close are just two examples of people who basically make something great just by being in it. Then there’s Toni Collette, one of the greatest actresses that has ever come out of Australia, a performer who never fails to deliver something incredible and who probably should have at least one Oscar by now (I and many others will never forgive the Academy for snubbing her the year Hereditary came out). She’s truly something special as a performer… so how boring does a film have to be where even Toni Collette can’t make it into anything other than just a dull time?

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Joy Ride (2023) – Joyful

Released: 6th July
Seen: 6th July

When one thinks of the modern road trip movie, there’s a certain image that comes to mind for most audiences. That image is of a group of friends, usually four because that’s how many can easily fit in a standard car but that number can fluctuate, going outside of their normal lives and going on a simple adventure which results in insane shenanigans. This subgenre includes films like Road Trip, Euro Trip, and The Hangover which were insanely popular due to interesting locations, casts with great chemistry, and some decent writing… They were also overwhelmingly white, often using that as a major source of comedy since a bunch of white people in a foreign country and not understanding the customs has been comedy gold for a stunning amount of time.

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Nimona (2023) – Metal!

Released: 30th June
Seen: 3rd July

The fact that Nimona exists today at all should legally be considered a miracle just based on what it’s been through to get to a screen. Starting life as a webcomic, the film rights were bought in 2015 by Blue Sky Pictures, a Fox company that was planning on making a movie out of it, and had everything gone the way it was originally supposed to, that film would’ve come out in early 2020. Now, if you know your history of insane company acquisitions, you’ll know that in 2019, Disney bought Fox and with that purchase now has ownership of everything Fox has ever made or was making at the time (though let’s be real, they did it because it was the only way for them to get hold of certain Marvel properties that they knew they’d want eventually). This purchase meant that Disney owned Nimona now, and that’s where the trouble started.

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