Seen September 10th
Earlier today I saw The Emoji Movie, and that made me sad because I worried that kids were being given sub-par family films that were below the standard that they deserved. Fortunately, Captain Underpants came out and all I can do is yell “TRA LA LAAAAAAAAAAAAA”
Seen 26th August
Sometimes, a film doesn’t need that much to be a good time. A good script, a decent set of shot choices and a fun story can often make a good film an easy way to kill 90 minutes. What makes it work best is if you can take all these elements and hand it to two insanely charismatic stars who can carry the film and kick it up several notches through sheer force of personality alone… this film found four such stars and thank god for that.
Seen 11th July
When you hear the concept for this movie, you know exactly what you’re going to get. You know the kind of jokes that’re going to come, you know the kind of story beats that’ll appear… thank god this movie has incredible leads to carry it or else this might end badly.
Seen 10th July
In Pixar’s short history they have found a way to make some of the most emotional movies. Toy Story 3, Up, Inside Out, Wall-E, all movies that have a reputation of pulling at the heartstrings and making even the toughest viewer cry like an anime fan on prom night. Sadly, they’ve never gotten that level of emotion with Cars and certainly didn’t get it with Cars 3
Seen 4th July
Despicable Me as a series has become known more for it’s sentient tic-tac Minions than anything else. This movie clearly wanted to try and reverse that connection but gosh darn it those little pills of yellow just keep popping up.
Seen 1st July
In the late ‘80s and ‘90s when VHS was getting popular, there was a phenomenon known as the “Straight-to-video Movie”. When DVD came in, they only got bigger. Straight-to-video movies were huge because they were cheap to make, you only needed one recognizable name and as long as there was a Blockbuster around you were guaranteed to make money. This genre is why Steven Seagal is able to eat. It’s also the genre that Diary of a Wimpy Kid: The Long Haul should be in because it sure as hell doesn’t belong in a cinema.
Seen 30th June
Picture it, Sicily 1998. A little film called Very Bad Things was released. In it, a prostitute is accidentally killed during a bachelor party and everyone loses their minds. This film asks the question “So what if we did almost exactly that, but changed all the genders”. Turns out, you get… well… meh.
Seen May 28th
Adapting TV shows into feature length films is not easy. Simpsons, 21 Jump Street, Barney’s Great Adventure, many shows have made the leap from the small to the big screen with varying degree’s of success. They often take one of 3 options when it comes to storytelling
1) 3 Episodes of the TV show sewn together ass-to-mouth
2) A super long episode of the TV series
3) An actual movie that doesn’t rely on you knowing the source material in order to enjoy it
Baywatch picked option 3 and… well… it doesn’t outright suck.
Seen April 26th
You know how the first Guardian’s of the Galaxy was one of the most gloriously silly and out there Marvel Movies that they’d made up until that point? Well… yeah, still gloriously silly and out there, just not as out there as the first one felt.
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