Mad Heidi (2023) – Good and Cheesey

Copy provided for review
Seen: 10th June

In 1880, author Johanna Spyri wrote the first book in the Heidi series. The story of a little orphan girl who lived in the Alps was immensely popular, one of the most famous pieces of Swedish literature ever printed and has been adapted to film multiple times over the years. The character of Heidi in particular has this image of innocence that’s so powerful that one of the most famous people to play her in a movie was Shirley Temple and after so many adaptations it becomes harder and harder to find a new angle on how to approach the story of Heidi. However, much like the recent season of Drag Race showed us that there’s a lot of fun in being a demented version of Shirley Temple, Mad Heidi shows off just how much fun it can be to take a character as innocent as Heidi and throw her into the world of glorious 70’s exploitation cinema!

Mad Heidi follows, as one might expect, Heidi (Alice Lucy). Heidi is a Swiss woman living under the brutal regime of the horrible cheese fascist President Meili (Casper Van Dien) who is waging a personal war against illegal cheese-making and the lactose intolerant who are clearly the weaker species. Sadly for Heidi, her beloved partner known simply as Goat Peter (Kel Matsena) is killed by President Meili’s army for the crime of making black market goat’s cheese and Heidi is taken off to a women’s prison where she will eat nothing but cheese and train for an upcoming competition hosted by President Meili to help impress French dignitaries who are coming in to arrange a deal to buy some truly special Swiss Cheese. Heidi must not only escape the prison but train hard so she can take on the evil Meili and save her town from his evil cheese-based tyranny.

…so clearly this film is high art and proof that cinema isn’t dead.

In all seriousness, Mad Heidi is not even a little bit ashamed of what it is and it embraces it fully. From the moment the film begins with a glorious recreation of the Paramount logo with cheese wheels replacing the stars, it’s very clear that this is a hyper-active parody of exploitation cinema using the key elements of the Heidi story as a way to thread together a series of glorious high-intensity tableaus together in a way that’s so bug fucking nutty that you would swear everyone involved in making this had to be on some kind of addictive hallucinogen. It’s fucking mental, it knows it, it embraces it and that makes for one hell of a time for an audience that is into that kind of thing (It’s me, hi, I’m the one into that sort of thing, it’s me)

When I say that Mad Heidi is doing a parody of exploitation cinema, I mean ALL of exploitation cinema. Nazisploitation, Nunsploitation, Ozploitation, Blaxploitation, Women in Prison films, there are so many references and nods to so many different types of exploitation film that you could make a game of exploitation film bingo just from the nods this film makes. Each time they touch on one of these genres in some way it’s done with a kind of playful affection that comes from people who clearly grew up enjoying these strange underground parts of 70s cinema. What’s brilliant is how well each of these different kinds of exploitation seamlessly syncs up to create a high-octane thrill ride that grabs hold of you right at the start and keeps escalating in absolute insanity the more things go on.

There really is no attempt by anyone to pretend that this isn’t very silly, after all, it is a film about a cheese fascist who has his minions create a special form of cheese that turns the people who eat it into uber-strong zombie creatures who look like they were rejected Toxic Avenger designs. Obviously, this can’t be a serious film, but everyone completely commits to the silliness that’s inherent in the topic. While they aren’t winking to the camera, everyone’s just playing their characters at an 11 at all times and taking every chance they can to do a dramatic pose (Heidi herself has so many of these poses that you could use them as inspirational posters in any feminist’s bedroom) or deliver an absurd monologue with all the passion that one could muster.

Everybody involved clearly gets what’s special about a project like Mad Heidi, they get the references and the audience that would be enticed by its charms. Alice Lucy as Heidi delivers an absolute star turn that should be getting her inundated with job offers. What’s amazing is that the standout star here is actually Casper Van Dien as the evil cheese fascist who was clearly having more fun than any human being should legally be permitted to have at work. There is not a single second where he’s on screen where he isn’t completely stealing the shot with ease, and considering this cast is just stacked with grand hilarious performances that’s saying a lot. 

Mad Heidi is absolutely fucking batshit in all the best possible ways and it knows it. It’s a blood-soaked titty-flashing cheese-chewing good time that doesn’t have a subtle second in it and that’s just what you need for this to work. It’s not pretending to be anything other than a wall-to-wall schlockfest filled with insane imagery and unbridled insanity that drips from every single pore. It’s impossible to be neutral about this, Mad Heidi is just high-camp fun that is made for people who enjoy their cinema a little bit weirder than normal. It’s so lovely that Heidi came down from her mountain, covered in the blood of her enemies, to share this joyful film with us. We do not deserve a film as glorious as Mad Heidi but thank the Swiss lord above that we have it.