Mortal Kombat II (2026) – Round 2, FIGHT!

Released: 8th May
Seen: 28th July

In 2021, a new adaptation of the video game Mortal Kombat came out. While its release was mildly hampered due to the pandemic (it was delayed and then released simultaneously in cinemas and on HBO Max because of that plague we all lived through and seem to want to pretend didn’t happen), the film did well enough and got moderately good reviews. I enjoyed it well enough but found it to be a little bit of a lore dump overstuffed with exposition that no one actually gives a fuck about because, while the lore of Mortal Kombat is surely fascinating, it’s not the thing that anyone really remembers about that franchise. The big thing was that we didn’t get to enjoy the tournament-style fights that the game franchise was known for and that felt like a big mistake… Well, Mortal Kombat II clearly heard everyone saying how much they wanted the tournament and decided to give us exactly that, and it’s a better movie because of it.

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Masters Of The Universe (2026) – IT HAS THE POWER!!

Released: 10th July
Seen: 26th July

The history of He-Man begins in 1982 with the release of the first toy line which was a massive hit. The toys came out with a mini comic attached that gave some backstory that would then explode with the release of the He-Man And The Masters Of The Universe cartoon series which was basically just a glorified toy advertisement but a toy advertisement that was insanely popular and would become a touchstone of 80s kids entertainment. It was the kind of series that was so undeniably huge that it had to be turned into a film at some point, which it was in 1987. That film was something of an infamous bomb, though like a lot of weird 80s movies that were attached to nostalgic properties it became a bit of a cult hit. After that movie it seemed like the Masters of the Universe were relegated to being occasionally rebooted in animated form but wouldn’t get another crack at being a movie until 2026 when Masters of the Universe came out and also bombed… which sucks because it’s actually amazing.

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In The Grey (2026) – Greyscale Guy

Released: 15th May
Seen: 24th July

Some directors have a certain style that you come to expect when you hear that they’ve made a film. You go to a Hitchcock film and you expect a film full of suspense, you go to a Tarantino film and you expect something very violent with a lot of swearing that borrows a lot of aesthetics from old movies you’d find in a drive in, you go see a Uwe Boll film and you expect to see the cinematic equivalent of testicular cancer. A director gives you a good idea of what kind of film you can expect to see, so what do you expect when you hear that Guy Ritchie has made a new film? You expect something exactly like In The Grey, a film that is so obviously made by Guy Ritchie that he didn’t even need to bother putting his name on the film because it’s so clearly a film in his style that it couldn’t be anyone else… It’s also just kind of dull.

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Over Your Dead Body (2026) – Lethally Funny

Released: 10th June
Seen: 12th July

The dark comedy is one of the harder genres to nail because there’s a very fine line between “A dark joke” and “being a tasteless fuck” and it’s a line that’s incredibly easy to cross. Not only that but if you don’t actually push far enough with a joke it can just feel kind of dull, like in the movie How To Make A Killing which showed that you can have a dark comedic premise but fail at the actual comedy element. The idea of a couple trying to murder each other is a premise that can absolutely lead to some great dark comedy if done well, but can also lead to something kind of boring if it’s not committed to properly… fortunately, Over My Dead Body commits just enough to get the job done.

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Supergirl (2026) – Averagegirl

Released: 25th June
Seen: 25th June

Roughly one year ago, Superman returned to us. After the absolute disaster that was the DCU, we were given a Superman who cares and there was much rejoicing. It was a genuinely charming movie with one of the best Superman actors we’ve had since the Christopher Reeve-era and I do not say that lightly. I named that film the second best film of 2025 and the performance of Superman was my third favourite performance in that same year. It was a genuinely great work of art that showed that there was space in the modern era for a kinder sweeter Superman. The ending of that film had a brief moment for Supergirl (Milly Alcock) who came to collect her dog Krypto and showed that this universe’s Supergirl was a bit of a drunken disaster who we would eventually get to spend an entire movie following. It was exciting, it seemed like it should be fun and now that film has come out and… it’s OK, it’s a genuinely OK movie but it should be so much better than OK.

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They Will Kill You (2026) – Killer

Released: 12th March
Seen: 13th June

In 2019, a fun little horror film called Ready or Not came out and became a major hit, at least among Horror fans. The film itself revolved around a bride being introduced to her new family, who turn out to be Satan worshippers, who need to hunt her down and kill her by sunrise to give their dark lord a tribute to maintain their family’s wealth. It was a truly insane, blood-soaked ride full of dark comedy and some of the most insane action scenes. It was a film that was almost destined to have imitators, and now here comes They Will Kill You that gives a crash course in how to copy from other better films and still make something awesome.

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Pretty Lethal (2026) – Pretty Fun

Released: 25th March
Seen: 8th June

In 2024, a little film called Abigail came out and showed people that the combination of ballerinas and bloodshed could end up making a genuinely fun film if done well. Something about the combination of this glamorous artform that’s largely considered the realm of young women and girls blended with about 50 gallons of the red stuff is a recipe for a good time that the whole family can enjoy (provided your family is suitably fucked up). While Abigail was a ton of fun, it didn’t do quite as wel at the box office as it probably should have, thanks to an ad campaign that gave away the film’s big twist… but hey, at least it got a cinematic release unlike the delightfully fun Pretty Lethal which had to take its blood-soaked ballerinas to enjoy them on streaming instead.

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Apex (2026) – High Climber

Released: 24th April
Seen: 26th April

The Ozploitation genre used to be truly great. Back in the 70s and 80s, Australia made absolutely batshit genre films that utilised the outback landscape (and a few stereotypes about Australians) to create some genuinely amazing films. Razorback, Patrick, Long Weekend and a whole bunch more weird horror films set Down Under were a great part of the underground cinema of the day… and then they kind of became rare birds, the truly wild days where we could just throw a few people into the middle of nowhere and make a film are rare to say the least. It’s a film style that really should make a comeback, but until then, I will happily take Apex, Netflix’s high-budget imitation brand version of a cheesy Ozploitation film, even if it does have a lot fewer Aussies involved than one might like.

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Mercy (2026) – Release Me

Released: 22nd January
Seen: 23rd March

For better or worse, we live in the era of AI… or at least the era of AI being brute-forced into our daily lives by billionaires who rely on it to turn a profit and make a couple of extra dollars. It’s in everything, it’s in all the apps you use, the very site I post this on offers AI to write a synopsis of what I post (you’ll be happy to know I never use it, I can write shitty unfunny synopsis’ all by myself), and it’s overtaken social media where it does fun things like “makes child sex abuse material” or “endorses white supremacy”. People are now losing jobs and being replaced by AI, which is incredibly faulty and has a high risk of errors… but no error is as big as the error that was made when someone decided to give Mercy a budget and allowed this film to exist because it’s just fucking bad.

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The Smashing Machine (2025) – Oh, Smashing

Released: 2nd October 2025
Seen: 9th February 2026

Over the last several decades, one of the biggest names in cinema has been The Rock, AKA Dwayne Johnson. His films have grossed billions of dollars; he is currently the 10th-highest-grossing actor of all time, and he did all that without having to appear in a Marvel film or anything involving Avatar. He’s one of the highest paid, most recognisable and most beloved film stars of recent years… but he’s not a great actor. Let’s be honest, no one’s ever accused him of giving a transformative performance in his entire career; the man is a personality who effectively plays himself in every single film he ever appears in. Now this isn’t a bad thing per se, a lot of very famous actors are kind of known for playing themselves in every film that they do (Ryan Reynolds, Jack Black, Will Ferrell just to name the first three that come to mind). With Dwayne Johnson, however, it comes with the fact that he not only plays the same character, but he’s doing it at a time when his wrestler-turned-actor contemporaries John Cena and Dave Bautista are delivering genuinely great, layered acting performances that demonstrate a range that Dwayne just hasn’t been able to do. What Dwayne’s been needing for quite some time is a chance to show off his skills, to stretch himself and prove that he isn’t just a one-trick pony… The Smashing Machine does kind of prove that, but in a way that also really shows off his limitations

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