Obsession (2026) – Obsessed

Released: 12th March
Seen: 19th May

Go see Obsession. Go. Now. Stop reading this review, go to your vehicle, drive to your local cinema, purchase a ticket for the movie Obsession and then come back. I could pussyfoot around and deliver an opening paragraph about how “Friends to lovers plots are a dime a dozen” and then transition into how unique this version is or talk about the rise in YouTubers making horror movies that’re better than anything else coming out from the major studios or just come up with some elaborate explanation of the concept of obsession, all were options I went with for this opening paragraph that’s designed to be something above the read more line but instead I’m going with GO AND SEE THIS FUCKING MOVIE RIGHT FUCKING NOW!… Thank you, now we can continue.

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Send Help (2026) – Outwits, Outlasts, Outplays

Released: 29th January
Seen: 13th May

In the year 2000, the world was introduced to a reality show that would go on to effectively change history. Survivor, now in its 50th season, took a bunch of random people and dumped them on an island with nothing but their wits and tasked them with surviving for 39 days to try and win a million-dollar prize. It was a monster hit, revolutionised TV as we know it, effectively turned reality TV into the genre we know today and made producer Mark Burnett into such a massive figure that he was able to get another show off the ground, The Apprentice. Speaking of things that start with getting trapped on a desert island and end in unnecessary death, carnage and projectile vomiting, Send Help is a pretty great movie.

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Dolly (2026) – Hello, Dolly

Released: 12th March
Seen: 3rd May

The 80s horror boom is something that still fascinates people, it was a true golden age of horror films where everyone was making truly glorious, insane shit that would end up becoming cult hits. Part of the reason this was possible was the rise of consumer video equipment, film cameras that used to be prohibitively expensive or the stuff of hobbyists could now be bought by just about anyone. You didn’t even need decent quality film, you could make an entire movie using nothing but VHS tapes and it could be released to video stores where people would actually watch it. People made some gloriously messed-up films back then, films that would’ve never made it past any studio producer with any sense of human decency. It’s that glorious period of cinema that feels closest to what Dolly is trying to do and it nails what it’s aiming for.

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Thrash (2026) – Fishy

Released: 10th April
Seen: 16th April

In 1975 Steven Spielberg changed the world of cinema forever by introducing the world to a shark named Bruce in the movie Jaws. Jaws was the original summer blockbuster, proving that action spectacle done well can be a massive hit at the box office. It’s also the quintessential shark movie, laying a blueprint for all other movies about sharks that would inevitably follow over the years. Shark movies are kind of ubiquitous at this point, every year there’s at least a couple and they can range from being surprisingly good to absolute dog shit, from serious to goofy. Then you get a film like Thrash which seems to be trying to see just how many kinds of shark movie it can copy during its runtime but just ends up making for a film that’s at best just kind of OK.

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Primate (2026) – Monkey Business

Released: 22nd January
Seen: 14th April

On Feb 16th 2009, a chimpanzee named Travis mauled a woman. Travis was owned by Sandra Herald and on this day he was acting oddly, including stealing Sandra’s car keys and refusing to stay inside the house. Sandra asked her friend Charla to help get Travis inside, using his favourite toy as bait to try and lure him… Travis would end up disfiguring Charla, tearing off her face, destroying limbs and leaving her blind for life. He would be shot 4 times by police officers and still somehow had the strength to walk to his enclosure where he died. Charla would need extensive surgery, including a face transplant but she is still currently alive. This event really was a moment where a lot of people realised that chimpanzees could be incredibly violent and do a lot of damage to the human body… naturally this means a horror movie was kind of inevitable and damn, Primate is brutal in the exact way you would kind of want a movie like this to be (and yes, we can enjoy a film that does a fictional take on a real horror like the one that I just described, if we couldn’t then we just couldn’t enjoy films in general)

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28 Years Later: The Bone Temple (2026) – Bonkers

Released: 15th January
Seen: 1st April

28 Years Later was genuinely one of the best additions to the zombie movie genre in recent years, a visual treat filled with some of the most purely horrifying imagery. It was an absolutely great entry into the 28 Days Later franchise that promised to be the start of its own little trilogy, continuing the post-apocalyptic story by pushing it into a bold new direction. Well, if 28 Years Later was this franchise swinging for the fences, then 28 Years Later: The Bone Temple loads the franchise into a catapult and throws it over the fences with absolute fucking glee while doing so.

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Twisted (2026) – Uninspired

Released: 6th February
Seen: 1st April

The label Torture Porn was first used around 2006 when it was applied to films like Saw, Hostel and Wolf Creek. It was an easy way to describe some of the more extreme horror-slasher films of the era that almost revelled in how much gore they could get away with showing. They were some of the most extreme films in the genre that were also major hits in the mainstream cinemas and kind of opened a floodgate that we’re still dealing with. One of the people whose films first got this label, who really just seems to have embraced it in the years since, is the director of Saw 2-4 Darren Lynn Bousman, who used to be really good at making these films… but sadly, Twisted is far from his best work.

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1000 Women In Horror (2026) – Edifying

Released: 20th March
Seen: 29th March

Nowadays, it feels like talking about representation in the media is a touchy subject. Not because we aren’t doing enough (we’re not) or because the representation isn’t good (it could be better but we’re working on it) but because even talking about how cinema can represent a minority group of any form tends to make the morons who think DEI is a bad thing lose their fucking minds. Those morons are probably the ones who need the education that could be provided by a film like 1000 Women In Horror but they’re also the least likely to see it which is a shame because it’s quite good.

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I’m Chevy Chase And You’re Not (2026) – LIVE

Released: 1st January
Seen: 28th March

There are some things in life that are just undeniably true. The sky is blue, water is wet, Chevy Chase is a massive asshole. These things are facts that one cannot reasonably argue with anyone. That last one is a truth that people have really known for over 50 years, since his first appearance on TV the easy way to describe Chevy has been “Asshole”, for a period of time you might even put the word “Lovable” before “Asshole” but the general consensus has always been that Chevy Chase is an asshole… but what if there was more to him than just being a legendary entertainment asshole? Well, that’s what the documentary I’m Chevy Chase And You’re Not hopes to prove… if only its main subject would stop getting in the way.

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The Strangers: Chapter 3 (2026) – Zzzzz

Released: 5th February
Seen: 28th March

When I tried to watch the movie I plan on reviewing today, I decided to watch it using my Chromecast on my TV. I have one of those Chromecasts that uses apps so I can just open up the AppleTV app and watch anything I’d bought on iTunes on my TV, it’s very handy. So, I rented The Strangers: Chapter 3 and started to try and watch it and on no less than 4 occasions during the movie, the video stopped and the Chromecast proclaimed there was an error and it needed to stop… I should’ve taken that as an omen, the Chromecast was trying to protect me from absolute garbage but nonetheless I persisted.

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