Rebel Moon: Part Two – The Scargiver (2024) – Scarring

Released: 19th April
Seen: 28th April

On the 19th of April an interview with director Zack Snyder dropped where he delivered this quote:

You may love or hate my movies, I’m 100% fine with that but a vote against me is a vote for the focus groups. Know by saying ‘Snyder sucks’ you’re also saying “you know what? give me more focus groups! I want Happy Meals!

As one might expect, the second this phrase hit the internet there was a group of people who took issue with it, myself being one of them. This quote kind of speaks to the arrogance of Zack Snyder, how he seems to believe that his films are something so outside the mainstream and doing something so unique that we have to support him for the love of cinema. It is, truthfully, one of the most pretentious things that has ever been said by a director of mainstream cinema… it’s also absolute bullshit because, having now seen Rebel Moon: Part Two – The Scargiver, there’s truly nothing about it that goes against focus groups because it reeks of the most pandering studio bullshit one could imagine.

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Mission Impossible: Dead Reckoning – Part One (2023) – Mission Possible

Released: 8th July 2023
Seen: 29th January 2024

At this point, the Mission Impossible series exists for one reason and one reason only, to basically make the entire world believe that Tom Cruise is the most badass human being alive. Sure, there’s a story, espionage, action and comedy that appeals to the masses and delivers high-octane thrills as needed but its principal job at the moment is to help launder the image of a man whose entire life is so intertwined with the evil that is Scientology that he needs people to ignore that and focus on the cool stunts that he can perform. It’s kind of a neat trick because normally it works, normally Tom Cruise movies open so big and make such a splash that we talk about how he saved cinema or something like that. So what does it take for a Mission Impossible film to underperform like this one did? I mean, mostly it was just bad luck with the strikes and people not going to the movies as much but it’s also a case of diminishing returns.

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Rebel Moon: Part One – A Child Of Fire

Released: 22nd December
Seen: 25th December

Here’s the hottest of my hot takes regarding recent trends in cinema. Zack Snyder has changed from being an interesting director who took chances into possibly one of the most boring directors out there. What makes him boring, at least to me, is that he seems to think every film he touches has to be some edgy, dark, gritty adult tale no matter what the context. This works when he does films about Zombies, something where being dark and gritty actually can work, however, when he tried this with goddamn Superman it started the ball rolling on the utter destruction of the DC cinematic universe. Now he’s turned this dark gritty edgy lens to another beloved property that’s primarily aimed at children, Star Wars… and god damn it, Rebel Moon just kind of sucks.

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Wish (2023) – …well

Released: 26th December
Seen: 17th December (Advanced Screening)

Wish Info

In 1923, Walt and Roy Disney founded a little company called the Disney Brothers Studio to produce a small series of Alice in Wonderland cartoons. A few years later the company would be renamed Walt Disney Studios and a little cartoon called Steamboat Willie (which is soon gonna be public domain… so look forward to how that’ll be used!) would not only become the first cartoon with synchronized sound but essentially transform the company into a household name. They would go on to make Snow White and the Seven Dwarves, the first animated feature-length film which would begin a long several decades as the most well-known and influential animation company on the planet. 

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The Killer (2023) – Fincher Strikes Again

Released: 10th November
Seen: 15th November

The Killer Info

David Fincher is arguably one of the greatest directors working today, a man who has made several of the greatest films of the modern era who people revere as a director for good reason. Even when his films aren’t instant classics there’s something interesting going on with them, at bare minimum, his films will give you something to think about and will probably be full of great performances on top of it. His name alone is basically a marker of quality so it should come as no shock that once again Fincher has made a fascinating film about a dark immoral character and asked us to take a closer look at how mundane they actually are and once again it’s strangely fascinating.

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The Marvels (2023) – Marvelous

Released: 9th November
Seen: 8th November

It’s no secret that the Marvel movies are having a difficult time lately, at least a difficult time by the standard of a studio that’s been a cultural juggernaut for over a decade and counting. Basically, ever since Endgame the films and TV series have seemed to be in flux like the studio just realised they did something absolutely massive and are now scrambling to figure out what the hell they do for an encore. Personally, I’ve enjoyed pretty much all of the post-Endgame stuff, I contend that even bad Marvel movies are better than a lot of the other things that are being put out by major studios lately. It’s comfort food but I get that it might be getting stale for some, which is probably why the release of The Marvels is being met with trepidation and anticipation of a bad movie… I don’t know why people think that because The Marvels is one of the best post-Endgame movies to be released but hey, to each their own.

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Transformers: Rise Of The Beasts (2023) – Fun Film In Disguise

IMPORTANT NOTE: This piece was written during the 2023 SAG-AFTRA strike. Without the labor of the actors currently on strike, the movies being covered here wouldn’t exist.

Released: 22nd June
Seen: 6th November

Let’s be honest, the Transformers series as a cinematic universe hasn’t exactly had the best track record. Sure, the original animated film is considered something of a cult classic that had people sobbing over the death of a cartoon robot but then we had almost a half dozen atrocities directed by the luckiest man on earth, Michael Bay and that ended up being a big mistake. Sure, Bay’s films made money but none of them were actually good, they were spectacles that eventually lost their luster through bad filmmaking and uninteresting stories. Now fortunately the franchise was wrestled away from Bay and given to people who seemed to care which led to Bumblebee which is still the high point for the live-action series. It was a movie that actually felt fun and fresh in a way that has clearly impacted how these movies are made because it led directly to Transformers: Rise Of The Beasts, which might not be as great as Bumblebee, but it’s still fun.

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Blue Beetle (2023) – Delightful

IMPORTANT NOTE: This piece was written during the 2023 WGA and SAG-AFTRA strikes. Without the labor of the writers and actors currently on strike, the movies being covered here wouldn’t exist.

Released: 14th September
Seen: 19th September

Blue Beetle Info

The DCEU is dead, to begin with. There is no doubt whatever about that. The register of its burial was signed by the clergyman, the clerk, the undertaker, and the chief mourners who continually scream for the Snyderverse to be revived. It is dead and will have its final death rattle later in the year when Aquaman 2 comes out before all the toys are thrown out and we restart this experiment again with a brand new man in charge of everything. Perhaps that well-known death of the franchise explains why Blue Beetle will soon be limping past the finish line just barely making its production budget back… which is a massive shame because Blue Beetle is absolutely awesome from start to finish.

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Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles: Mutant Mayhem (2023) – COWABUNGA!

IMPORTANT NOTE: This piece was written during the 2023 WGA and SAG-AFTRA strikes. Without the labor of the writers and actors currently on strike, the movies being covered here wouldn’t exist.

Released: 7th September
Seen: 13th September

By now the story of the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles and their creation is well known. From its start as an underground comic designed to parody superheroes to the legendary cartoon series that gave us the theme song that you are inevitably humming right now to the first movie that not only was a defining action film for a lot of childhoods but allowed New Line Cinema to go from a little independent company to one that was big enough that it could eventually make the Lord of the Rings movies. It’s an absolute phenomenon of a franchise that’s had several iterations over the years with various visual styles and tones that range from the dark and serious to the light and comedic. Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles: Mutant Mayhem leans more towards light and comedic but also might be the best take on the franchise since the 1990 film.

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The Monkey King (2023) – Royalty

IMPORTANT NOTE: This piece was written during the 2023 WGA and SAG-AFTRA strikes. Without the labor of the writers and actors currently on strike, the movies being covered here wouldn’t exist.

Released: 2nd February
Seen: 9th September

The Monkey King Info

Journey to the West is a 16th-century Chinese story that follows the adventures of four major characters, Tripitaka, Pigsy, Sandy and The Monkey King. This story is regarded as one of the greatest Chinese novels of all time, has been translated into an abridged English language version, is the subject of multiple adaptations in every medium you could think of and is a truly important piece of work that I haven’t read or even heard about before doing background research for this review of the Netflix animated film The Monkey King, which adapts that characters specific story from the original text. It’s important to tell you that I have not read the original text because I cannot tell you if this is a faithful adaptation of it (though based on the Wikipedia description, it seems to get the core beats of the story correctly) but I can tell you if it’s a good kids movie… which it is.

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