Magic Mike’s Last Dance (2023) – Last Chance

IMPORTANT NOTE: This piece was written during the 2023 WGA and SAG-AFTRA strikes. Without the labor of the writers and actors currently on strike, the movies being covered here wouldn’t exist.

Released: 9th February
Seen: 22nd August

In 2012 the movie Magic Mike came out, loosely based on Channing Tatum’s real-life history as a stripper. It was a massive hit that showed that a film about strippers could actually be something of a mainstream movie (though this reviewer would argue that it takes itself far too seriously and the only fun bits are the parts happening in the club, the film spends a little too much time talking about furniture repair and drugs to actually be fun) which naturally led to a sequel in 2015, Magic Mike XXL, a film that seemed to get that part of the enjoyment of stripper movies is that they’re cheesy and fun and mostly an excuse to get a bunch of very attractive people to dance in suggestive outfits (and this reviewer would argue it’s better than the original, certainly utilizes the talented ensemble cast’s comedic skills in ways that the first film didn’t). The sequel made so much money that it was inevitable that another sequel was going to happen, it’s just a little sad that it took about 8 years to get Magic Mike’s Last Dance and it ended up being kind of a dud.

Magic Mike’s Last Dance takes place after the pandemic (because apparently we can’t escape that horror even in a stripper flick) with Mike Lane (Channing Tatum) trying his best to survive in the current economic landscape since the pandemic basically ruined his dream of running a boutique furniture store, forcing him back into the gig economy where he has to bartend at random parties to make ends meet.

During one of these parties, he runs into wealthy socialite Maxandra Mendoza (Salma Hayek Pinault) who pays him to show her his skills as a dancer (something that apparently costs a lot of money because he has retired from stripping for some reason even though this is the age of OnlyFans where he could be making a million a month doing the same thing he did on stage for years!). After a single dance and a one-night stand, Maxandra drags Mike to London to get him to help her put on a show at a theater she just happens to own… So naturally this means they put on a strip show, one that Mike is adamant he won’t perform in but will somehow turn into a strange love story between Mike and Max.

Magic Mike’s Last Dance really should just be titled “Please come and see Magic Mike Live in either Las Vegas or London” because it’s basically just a 2-hour long advertisement for the live show that now exists based upon this property. The entire story of the film is a flimsy excuse to have several scenes of Channing Tatum directing a live show and showing just how hot and fun that could be, while somehow just being kind of dull in it’s execution (not helped by the fact that every one of the dancers in this show are just extras with no character or dialogue worth a damn).

Where Magic Mike XXL understood that the audience was here for a fun time with a bunch of attractive men dancing and joking about, Magic Mike’s Last Dance seems to think that we’re here for a story about a plucky little stage production that’s going to change the world and do something no one has ever seen before because apparently no one in this universe has seen Chippendales or Thunder from Down Under. The film is mistaken that this is what anyone would actually want to see because it is just not that interesting, certainly not in how this film tells it.

What also doesn’t help is that there really are only two characters that we’re even asked to almost care about, those being Mike and Maxandra. Sure, Maxandra has a daughter and a butler but they’re so superfluous to the actual plot that during the climax they literally just sit outside and wait for their cue to return after everything is wrapped up neatly. All the characters from the franchise that actually made this something above just basic beefcake footage that you could find online in about 30 seconds are just gone… Ok they aren’t gone, they’re relegated to a bad Zoom call that feels completely ad-libbed by the actors who all have awful WiFi. Seriously, they have one scene with Joe Manganiello, Matt Bomer, Kevin Nash and Adam Rodriguez and most of the shots are of their frozen pixelated feeds as they try to muddle through scenes they are clearly shooting on their personal laptops in their homes. It’s also the only scene where the fun of this franchise feels like it’s actually there, the back and forth between those guys is when these movies have worked their best and this film just doesn’t have that.

What Magic Mike’s Last Dance does have is Salma Hayek and once again she does that thing you hire Salma Hayek to do, steal the film and get all the good lines/make the bad lines sound good. Sure, this is the first time she’s been part of this franchise and her entire role is just to be the wealthy debutante who funds the big striptease show that ends the movie but damn if she doesn’t make you believe she’s been here since the start and has always been a core part of this series. She’s also the only reason the central romance between Max and Mike works on any level because, much as he probably put a lot into this, Channing just seems checked out for so much of the film. He’s not dancing, he’s not really showing much emotion… It’s a dour Channing Tatum and that’s not a fun Channing Tatum to have.

Magic Mike’s Last Dance feels like a strange contractual obligation, like it was made because they needed to do something to advertise a stage show but couldn’t be bothered to put a lot of effort into it. Sure we could hire the old gang back and have THEM put on the damn show but they cost money and the dozen dancers that do the bulk of the stripping probably cost SAG minimum at the absolute best. It feels cheap, which is wild since this film is the most expensive of the trilogy. Hell, the film called Magic Mike’s Last Dance couldn’t even be bothered to pay for the rights to the song Last Dance by Donna Summer for a major scene in the movie (it’s in the trailer but not the actual movie), an idea so obvious that failing to do it is the sign that something went wrong here.

Magic Mike’s Last Dance is just bland, something that shouldn’t be able to be said about a movie full of strippers. What should’ve been one last hurrah for a franchise that worked best when it threw good taste out the window and embraced its sillier aspects is nothing more than a cheap advertisement for the studio-backed imitation Chippendales show. The story is just dull, there’s nothing really that funny or interesting that’s being said and the centerpieces of the film (the stripping) feel like they’re there out of obligation. I get it, The people who made this film are too good to make a big goofy stripper movie that’s just about fun, and had to make it serious so they could maintain interest. Good for them, such a pity that the film they wanted to make is boring and not worth even 5 dollars shoved in its cinematic G-string.