Mafia Mamma (2023) – Mamma Mia!

Released: 13th April
Seen: 13th July

There are some actors who are so singularly talented that any material they’re given is almost automatically made better just by their involvement, the kind of performer who manages to shine even in absolute garbage. You have some obvious choices, all-time legends like Meryl Streep and Glenn Close are just two examples of people who basically make something great just by being in it. Then there’s Toni Collette, one of the greatest actresses that has ever come out of Australia, a performer who never fails to deliver something incredible and who probably should have at least one Oscar by now (I and many others will never forgive the Academy for snubbing her the year Hereditary came out). She’s truly something special as a performer… so how boring does a film have to be where even Toni Collette can’t make it into anything other than just a dull time?

Mafia Mamma follows Kristen (Toni Collette), a boring suburban housewife with a cheating husband, a son off in college, and a job that doesn’t respect her talents. In general, her life sucks so when she learns that her grandfather has died she decides that since she has to go to Italy for the funeral she might as well turn the trip into something of a vacation. Of course, once Kristen gets there she learns that her grandfather was the head of a mafia crime family known as the Balbano’s and, for some reason, Kristen has been named as the new don of this family. Since this now means that she can’t just go home where she’s apparently been safe for 40+ years she now has to broker peace with the other crime families, improve the fortunes of the Balbano family and deal with her emotions as she begins a fling with local man Lorenzo (Giulio Corso). 

For all the potential shenanigans that this kind of plot offers, and considering how many of those shenanigans the film embraces with both hands, it’s kind of stunning how boring Mafia Mamma ends up being. It’s clear that the film is just throwing everything at the wall and seeing what sticks, hoping the frenetic energy might make a laugh happen at some point but in a stunning twist it turns out that nothing is being thrown at the wall sticks, it doesn’t even feel like it’s hitting the wall at all. 

What we end up with is desperation, performances that are clearly trying to make the jokes land but feel more like they’re pleading with the audience to laugh because then they can go home to see their families. If we’re being nice there’s maybe one half-decent comedic scene near the end of Mafia Mamma, and most of that comedy is down to Sophia Nomvete in the role of Kristen’s friend/lawyer Jenny. They’re the best moments because Mafia Mamma actually has a pace and some sense of banter going that isn’t just screaming nonsense. There are jokes you can pull out and point to, and actual laughs are able to be found… but you have to sit through over an hour of the film first, and by the time the scene ends the movie is basically over.

You can certainly point to moments where Mafia Mamma clearly thinks there’s a joke, scenes that give off the sense that there should be something to laugh at happening but they never work. A fight scene where Kristen is attacked by an enemy mafia guy while she’s on a Zoom call has the potential to maybe get a half-decent joke in, but then an implied rape threat happens and all comedic potential is gone (not to say you can’t make that kind of joke, but you better make the best joke that’s ever been heard on that subject for it to work and this film did not offer that). You could see a joke happening maybe at the first time Kristen meets another mafia don but the best they’ve got is her just being kind of annoying, that’s the best they’ve had for several hours of the film up to this point.

The worst sin that Mafia Mamma commits is that it just doesn’t know how to use Toni Collette. She’s literally one of the greatest actresses we’ve got, so naturally gifted that she acted her way into getting an appendix removed at 11 (no, seriously, she convinced medical professionals to remove an organ because she was that good an actor!) and this is the material you give her? She’s basically playing a bored housewife who doesn’t know what’s going on at any point, there’s nothing there to work with – you have someone who can do just about anything in terms of acting and all she does for 90% of the film is scream, flail and sightsee… that’s it, she’s not getting to be campy or silly or so whip-smart that every line she delivers is a brutal cutting barb. She could be played by literally anyone and there would be nothing lost, it’s stunning.

Now sure there are some positives, Mafia Mamma looks absolutely amazing… but also they filmed in fucking Italy, if you make a film that looks bad with that as your backdrop you’re actually kicked out of Hollywood forever and forced to clean toilets for the rest of your life. Some of the action scenes are kind of good, the final confrontation scene in particular plays particularly well since it uses things that have been set up in little throwaway moments throughout the film… but then there are scenes where people stand six feet from each other with Uzi’s and barely manage to make a scratch on each other so once again it’s a mixed bag there. 

In the end, the big problem is that any time you feel the urge to throw Mafia Mamma a compliment it manages to have enough exceptions to that compliment that you just feel kind of silly even trying to be nice. Why be nice to something that doesn’t even have the decency to try hard enough to be good? Not asking for much, “Good” is a pretty easy baseline to hit, especially with this kind of talent in front of the camera (I didn’t even mention Monica Belluci is in this film and she’s usually great… not even worth talking about here) and Mafia Mamma can’t even get there. Maybe, MAYBE if Mafia Mamma ends up on Tubi and you need background noise that feels like it fits in while you’re making pasta then maybe this might be worth half a look but it’s so bland and basic that it just actively annoys. There is truly nothing worse than potential being wasted, and I can’t think of a bigger waste of potential that I’ve seen this year.