Fountain of Youth (2025) – Ancient

Released: 23rd May
Seen: 26th May

The first streaming company to ever win a Best Picture Oscar was Apple TV+ who pulled off this genuinely impressive feat with a little film called CODA, a touching little comedy about a family where everyone except the eldest daughter was deaf and how she wanted to break out on her own even though that would end up creating a problem for her family and their business. It was a genuinely impressive moment for Apple, their streaming service was one of the smaller ones on the market with only eight narrative feature films to their name at that point. It gave them some sort of prestige, maybe Apple was going to be the smart streaming service that would make smaller interesting films that could be awards contenders or at least not churn out films so bland and basic that the term ‘content’ is the only way to fairly describe them… and now they’ve released Fountain of Youth, Apple’s moved into the content industry.

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Godzilla vs Kong (2021) – Lots of Monkey Business

Released: 25th March
Seen: 6th April

Godzilla vs Kong Info

I believe it was the legendary French film analyst Dr Je Plaisante who said “Do you really need me to give you a fancy explanation to begin the review about Godzilla vs Kong, the film where a giant ape punches a giant lizard? Does Godzilla vs Kong look like a film that needs analysing? Do you get how silly it is to think Godzilla vs Kong is anything more than a joyous ode to destruction? I’m not even a real film analyst, my name is literally French for the phrase I’m Joking, that’s how pointless this entire review is!”… or something like that.

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I Care A Lot (2021) – Care Is An Understatement

Released: 19th February
Seen: 21st February

I Care A Lot Info

There is no greater evil, at least in my mind than those who take advantage of the elderly and infirm. The top of that list of evil people are known as professional guardians, not all of them (I’m sure some of them are perfectly good people) but we’re talking about the kind of professional guardians who take on a ward who is elderly and is needing help, pay themselves an obscene wage, puts that ward in an aged care home and slowly bleed them dry. To see how evil some of these guardians can be, I’d suggest watching this segment by John Oliver on them. They are so cruel and evil that it almost feels like an inevitable source for a film. I won’t lie, when I saw that I Care A Lot was about a woman who puts elderly people with dementia in a home and drains them of their money I was worried as hell about how it was going to handle this heavy topic. I’m glad to say it’s damn near perfect.

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