Sometimes I worry that Drag Race is so desperate to get to the end that they rush things, they just want that grand finale with the big fancy theatre and the multiple endings so badly that they’ll just rush through everything else… which is why this week with 11 queens they decided to throw a Ball, something that is normally saved for the top 5 episode because it makes it easier to whittle it down to the top 4.
This episode is… god, no nice way to say this, this might be the weakest episode of this season purely because they tried so hard to push the ball up that there’s stuff missing. Good ball episodes have great musical numbers, the Bitch Ball or the Sugar Ball had some of the most adorable fun group numbers possible. That’s impossible to do with 11 queens. It’s way too soon for a ball episode. Still, at least the mini challenge is kind of fun. They have to photobomb famous photos (Even though I believe the only photo that was actually ‘famous’ is the Royal family one) and it’s just a fun silly modelling challenge that ends up giving Aquaria the win because she brought a dog poop prop with her and did something that would’ve worked with literally any photo no matter what. Her prize was a Postmates voucher and a cameo from former Pit Crew member Shawn Morales… fully clothed. Because when I think “Oh Pit Crew” I think of a fully clothed man who’s on screen for literally 11 seconds. Yeah, they brought him back for an 11 second bit and had him bring out two bags of food from Postmates… that doesn’t factor into the main challenge in any way.
The main challenge is the usual ball… kinda. They’re resigned to making three looks. Alaskan Winter Realness (Bathing suits), Miami Summer Realness (Winter coats) and Martian Elaganza Extravaganza (So… Judy Jetson Hookers). It’s really all over the place and held together with this flimsy global warming plotline which is a great message to spread but literally, nothing about any of the looks said “Global Warming”. It’s basically they wanted an excuse for a swimsuit runway, a fur runway and a space runway, but they’ve already done those so pretend it’s a joke about global warming and boom, you have your cheap excuse for this ball. There are a few good moments in the workroom, like Asia basically helping every single person in the workroom with their outfits or Monet talking about how people from England had American accents and lost those accents when they came back from America… I swear to god that last sentence is an accurate description of what she said. Point is that the workroom wasn’t even all that interesting, no real drama worth speaking about or great moments where a queens look collapsed. Eureka had a zipper problem but clearly fixed it with no hassle, it was just average.
Speaking of average, the runway was not exactly the best they’ve ever done. Ru’s look was great, it was so different from what she normally wears with the pastel swirls and the Pussy Riot mask, it was something else that I didn’t expect from her. Granted, why was this not a look worn when they did Club Kid looks last season? I never get why Ru doesn’t do her own version of the main challenge, it’d be more fun and kind of be interesting to show off the level she expects. Hell, it’s not like she’s the one making the outfits so why not do it? Anyway, other than that, very few of the looks stood out to me. I was gagged when Kameron Michaels walked out in her bikini look because we’ve all seen that queen shirtless, we know there is abs and tattoos all over that boy chest and yet she hid them all effortlessly and I was gagged at the transformation. I also LOVED Mayhem’s ice queen look, that giant white hair and that coat, it was just gorgeous to look at. I also enjoyed Monique Hearts winter look which was giving me full Penelope Pitstop Winter realness… if you do not know who Penelope Pitstop is, research her and then lie to me so I don’t feel old. Finally, we got to the Martian looks and the only ones there I even liked were Mayhem and Miz Cracker because they both felt space agey to me instead of just being… I don’t even know, but they just didn’t work for me.
So Aquaria win’s the main challenge which I kind of get because her first two looks were good… the last one was literally 2 strips of fabric taped to her body and a cape. How is that space? How is that Mars? Is this Flesh Gordon? It wasn’t even a look that I understood, maybe I’m alone in not liking it (Cos she won and people seemed to enjoy it) but I just did not get what the hype was regarding that look, sorry. Down the bottom was Dusty and Monet x Change which seemed to be the only fair choice, this runway was just so average that really they only stood out as bad for their final runway.
The lip sync is to Nicki Minaj’s Pound The Alarm and even though I didn’t know the song, the second I saw who the artist was I knew we were in for some insane shit and we got exactly that. Full credit to Dusty, she was slaying the hell out of that number and had a charm in her performance that cannot be denied… but Monet just owned that stage with everything she was doing. She used the shitty construction of her outfit to create a reveal, she did a fakeout jump split before doing a real jump split, she treated her gas mask like a ventilator. She knew every single syllable, she knew when Nicki takes a breath and she didn’t slow down for a second. It’s the kind of lip sync where your jaw hangs and you scream “YAAAS” the entire time because what she is doing is absolutely goddamn amazing.
To the shock of literally no one, Monet is safe which means that Dusty Ray Bottoms is heading home. It’s a shame because Dusty has shown herself to be a really artistic queen with a sweetheart and a large amount of talent that can’t be denied. If you want proof of that you can check out the song she just dropped “Neva Lavd Yah!” on Youtube and Itunes or go find out if she’s touring near you and enjoy the show, or just go and buy some of her merch (…Why does she not have a shirt that says “Bottoms” on it?). She’s a fierce queen who is going to be missed for the rest of this season.
Sadly that’s how the episode ends and while the lip sync was the best we’ve had so far, everything else just felt off. Even Untucked was a bit funky because of the huge Eureka/Vixen fight. I defended Vixen last week when she called out Aquaria because that made sense, this week really didn’t and I just hope it’s a one-off because it wasn’t cute. Let’s just hope this week was a temporary dip and next week’s talk shows are better.