Last week we saw an episode where I was admittedly not as into it as everyone else was. I also was not as in depth about why I didn’t like it as I should’ve been which I’m going to improve on… so this week, let’s talk in depth about why this week gave me my entire life!
We pick up this week like we always do, with everyone coming in after the insane lip sync we got last week. Right off the bat, we have a conflict with Asia and everyone else. Asia isn’t happy that no one told her to focus on her own outfit or offer to help her. This excuse brought to you by the same attitude that brought you Alexis Michelle demanding people tell her that her fur outfit was ugly. Would it have been nice for someone to have helped Asia? Sure, but she didn’t ask for it and didn’t even imply that she needed it. She’s the one who made the choice to help everyone before making sure her own outfit was put together, it was nice of her to do that but you can’t be upset at everyone else because you decided to put yourself last. Even if this wasn’t a competition (it is), you have to make sure you’ve got your shit together before you help put anyone else’s shit together. Asia is absolutely a frontrunner in this competition, she has more than enough talent, nerve, uniqueness and charisma to snatch the crown but this episode spells out that she needs to focus on herself before she helps others. Here’s hoping she keeps that going because I don’t want to see her go any time soon.
We also continue the epic fight between The Vixen and Eureka from last weeks Untucked which… I’m over it. I was over it when it started, I’m over it now that it appears to have temporarily ended because it’s the stupidest fight possible. At least the fight over “Oh that wig isn’t yours so how is it your best drag” was understandable and based on a legitimate question. That fight made sense to me because I could get how you’d be upset by it and I can get how it’d be brought up in the first place. I could follow and enjoy that fight… this is just a stupid clash between personalities who overreacted to each other for stupid reasons that were stupid. I’m honestly not here for it and I’m glad that later on in the episode that the two of them seem to bury the hatchet and I hope to god this is the last we hear of it because I want to just enjoy both queens involved and not want to just skip over any scene that the two of them happen to share.
The mini challenge is akin to the Judge mini-challenge from season 8 or the Snuggie mini-challenge from season 5. They take a bag of army outfits and have to make a quick glamourous drag outfit. It’s honestly a silly enough mini-challenge that I wish had been the main challenge because they came up with some great looks. Some of them, in particular, stand out above everyone else. I enjoyed Eureka’s look but I was curious why they decided to play the Green Acres theme song behind her (No, seriously, go watch that part and pay attention to the music playing while Eureka is on. It’s the Green Acres theme tune, it’s weird as fuck). I liked Miz Cracker’s outfit, it was really fun and helped sell her white girl twerking joke. Monique Heart had grenades for earrings… I’m dead, that killed me. Vixen was a knockout, her look was really well put together and she sold the hell out of it with every step on the runway so it’s no real surprise when she ends up winning the mini challenge.
The main challenge is to appear as guests on a Geraldo/Jerry Springer-style talk show called Bossy Rossy. It’s a real improv challenge and a teamwork challenge. The Vixen get’s to pick the teams and while she is fair to most people, she pits Eureka and Aquaria together because she thinks they’re going to screw it up. Even though I’m over the Eureka/Vixen drama, I have to admit that I lived for Vixen trying to be shady in pairing up the two queens who she’s had a major conflict with. It’s not even subtle and I genuinely love that she thought it was going to trip them up. It doesn’t work like she thought that it would but I still enjoy that she just completely owned it and went with her shady feelings.
When we get on set, every single team has to perform in front of a live audience that isn’t made up of drag queens, which honestly seems like it would’ve been better. Imagine if we’d have Porkchop in the front row giving them all her iconic stink face? Plus, another excuse to acknowledge that it’s been a decade of Drag Race which I don’t think they’ve really acknowledged since the first episode. Ross Matthews makes for a fun and engaging host, though he doesn’t get to be on the judging panel which seems like a mistake to me because he is the one who worked with them on set, his opinions carry weight and instead he was relegated to just hosting for this one long sketch. Now, let’s talk about each team because honestly, I think every one of them was a lot better than expected.
First up were Blair St Clair and Monique Heart with “I Married A Cactus”, a silly idea that lends itself to a ton of jokes about pricks. I love that they named the cactus Lloyd, I don’t know why that brought a giggle out of me but seeing a close up of a cactus with the name card “Lloyd” under it was hilarious. Blair did fairly well and didn’t really flounder but Monique came out and stole the show. She also had the more interesting character which helped a lot, her jokes were hilarious and she never broke character. When she started talking to the cactus I hit the floor and began dying. The best moment though, possibly of the entire episode, was when they pulled out their safe word. In the workroom the two had decided that if they thought it was going too far that Blair would say “Vanjie” and that’d pull them back… much like Christian Grey, they ignored the safe word and just began screaming “Vanjie” at each other again and again and it was the most amazing moment. They got everyone screaming, including an audience who had no goddamn idea why Vanjie was so funny in context. This is the power of Miss Vanjie, future Miss Congeniality winner (She better fuckin be)
Next up was Monet X Change and Kameron Michaels for “My Freaky Addiction Is Ruining My Life” and it opens with Monet coming out while carrying a cake. She had some strange character about being the CEO of Cakes for Queens but she seemed to forget the whole part where she’s meant to have a freaky addiction. Her addiction is meant to be eating hip pads, she brings on a giant prop hip pad and pulls some out of her pockets but at no point does she do the obvious gag of reaching in and eating her own hip pads. She could’ve dug some holes into her pads and made them mis-shapen so that it looks like she’s been eating them for a while but it seemed less like it was an addiction and more like it was a hobby. Kameron absolutely stole the scene out from under her with her addiction to huffing tucking panties. She was goddamn hooked on those panties, she was practically orgasming from them and was unable to stop sniffing them throughout the sketch. She knew that she had to push herself as far as she could go and she absolutely did it.
Next up we have Miz Cracker and Mayhem Miller in “Save Me From My Deadly Fear Of… Pickles!” which might be the silliest concept of them all. Mayhem plays the one who is scared of Pickles but it’s more like she’s disgusted by them instead of scared of them. What’s sad is that Mayhem actually portrays a pretty good straight man for the sketch while Miz Cracker was the comedy queen. Her puns were hilarious and her silly outfit sold the entire scene. Mayhem and Cracker played off each other wonderfully and brought out the best in each other, I genuinely loved the both of them.
Next was The Vixen & Asia O’Hara in “Why Are You So Obsessed With Me” where they tried to play off of Aquaria and Miz Cracker but it never really landed. Neither of their characterisations really sold the joke they were trying to sell. The Vixen kept breaking character at the start and when the time came for Asia to follow the cue’s that The Vixen was giving her, she didn’t. There was a chance for some good jokes, in the confessionals, The Vixen talks about how Asia was supposed to copy everything she did and it’s clear that Asia forgot that. It really ruins the potential of the scene that only picks up when it comes to the wig reveal joke at the end and then it drops again.
Finally, we get to Aquaria & Eureka with “Look At Me! I’m A Sexy Baby!”. Aquaria opens with a great joke by introducing herself in baby talk, but she dropped that in about 5 seconds which I really wish she hadn’t. If she had done the entire skit in baby talk, that would’ve put her in the top easily. It also might’ve helped prevent her from being outshone by Eureka who strode in with a bow on her head and a bottle, devouring the scenery in seconds. She had everyone cackling and screaming with laughter and the only time she wasn’t getting all the attention was when Aquaria took Aja’s iconic line and ran with it. When Eureka hit the floor and threw a baby tantrum, it was all over for everyone else because it was hilarious. It’s the weirdest and greatest adult baby scene I’ve seen since Jerry Springer: The Opera… you’re welcome for the imagery you witnessed if you clicked that link.
On the runway, the category is Denim and Diamonds. Everyone seems to lean on blue denim with 2 exceptions, forgetting the denim is a fabric and not a colour so they all lean on the classic which doesn’t leave much room for variation. It does help see who has the better concept behind their looks though since everyone’s looks have a similar colour palette, so they have to rely on how it’s assembled. I’ve tried to avoid running through the runway this season because I wanted to keep this under 1000 words… yeah, screw that, there’s a lot to talk about so here we go with bullet points on each look.
- Monet X Change has this crotchless onesie that really would’ve looked so good if it had stuck to her body, just some straps in the front so that the fabric didn’t flap around every time she took a step. Heck, just lose the crotchless part, have it be assless and it would have probably been fine. That hair was everything, nice and big and bouncy which is just how it needed to be for this look.
- Kameron Michaels came out in this gorgeous Dolly Parton getup with a mullet skirt that just made me happy. She looks like she should be taking part in a line dance and every time she lifts the back of that dress up it really sells the look. It is a little annoying seeing the underside of the breastplate because it does stand out, she could’ve covered it a little better but apart from that, the look is amazing.
- The Vixen’s look is pure denim mermaid and it’s gorgeous from about the knee down and from the neck up. The middle is where I’m personally confused, she took the chaps idea and pushed it to the extreme. I almost want to just join the denim dress and the diamond one-piece swimsuit together and create a complete gown piece, but I’m aware that could just be me. It’s still really nice and a fun spin on the theme, just something about making the fishtail dress into a variation on chaps didn’t work for me personally.
- Asia O’Hara is soaked from head to toe in fringe and the second she tells us it’s inspired by Tina Turner in Thunderdome I get it. Her look is big and extravagant, it’s got a lot of fun little details to it and those shoulderpads alone killed me. There’s not much to say about it other than the look is perfect.
- Aquaria has a very nice outfit. I’m getting denim tutu for some reason but it’s a fun outfit. The part that made me squeal was the denim fan which was just the right campy little touch to push it into ‘Yaas’ territory for me. I enjoyed this more than I enjoyed all of her outfits last week (Including that final look which I’m still not getting, I don’t think I’m ever going to get, I accept that it’s just not for me)
- Eureka killed me with her gorgeous bodysuit, the details were amazing and the way it fit her body was divine. The part that made me chuckle most was that damn curl on her forehead, that’s such a minor detail but it’s a cute nod to the main challenge by making her into a pretty little girl with a pretty little curl right in the middle of her forehead. She was really selling a fun silly look that I got endless enjoyment out of.
- Blair St Clair confused me. I liked her look but it almost felt like her head didn’t match her body. That face and that giant hair don’t seem to go with “Bra and a mini skirt”, they felt disjointed to me. The outfit was small and funky but the hair was extreme and bigger than Blair is. To her credit though, she sold the hell out of it so I can go past it.
- Monique Heart gave me confusion. She had on a kickass denim jacket and it worked, her look was amazing but then she tore it away and suddenly there wasn’t a speck of denim to be seen. She had this problem in the second week with that Cookie Monster look that revealed into a face that made no sense. Sometimes you don’t need a tear away gag, especially if what you are tearing away is better than what you’re revealing.
- Mayhem Miller comes out in this gorgeous pink cowgirl outfit that is just so playful and it’s so damn different. Everyone else came out in blue and here comes Mayhem in this insanely bright pink outfit with puffy sleeves and a fun short dress. It’s a good fun outfit that I honestly couldn’t get enough of.
- Miz Cracker came out looking like Pippy Longstocking and it’s adorkable. Her silly hair, the buck teeth, that bodysuit, it was all just perfectly campy and fun. The little kerchiefs on her ankles was a nice touch that made the entire experience something special to witness.
When it comes to the critiques, after Michelle almost makes RuPaul pee herself by going “Miss Vanjie” again, we get a top and bottom three. Bottom three were Monet, The Vixen and Mayhem Miller which seems reasonable, the top three were Eureka, Monique Heart and Miz Cracker which also works for me. We get a nice full circle moment when Eureka wins the episode when, at this point in the competition last year, she went home. It’s a perfect way to properly restart her storyline so from now on we get to see where she could’ve gone last season had she not been sent home to heal. The bottom two is where I have a major disagreement because the bottom two if Monet and Mayhem. Mayhem… she didn’t do that bad in the main challenge guys. She was clearly intentionally playing the straight man because she knew that Dr Dill was going to steal it. She was up against someone walking out in a pickle costume, she had to be the comic foil and she at least got some jokes in. It should’ve probably been Vixen and Monet in the bottom, but I guess Vixen’s outfit saved her.
Going into this lip sync I was expecting to be in pure awe of what was to come, Monet and Mayhem have proven themselves to be spectacular lip sync performers and they were given Man, I Feel Like A Woman by Shania Twain to perform to. This should have been when a double shantay was inevitable because there was no way these two were going to give us anything less than the most epic lipsync ever right? Well… Monet did. Monet goddamn destroyed that stage with how insanely fierce she was, she had wig reveals and tore her outfit away at just the right moment. When the song says “Colour my hair”, she sprayed her hair with some hair colouring (A gag that would’ve worked even better if she’d worn short white hair, then we’d of seen the colour popping up), she did air guitar the correct way. It was absolutely stunning watching her just completely own that stage… Mayhem was there, I guess. It sucks to even type that shady line because Mayhem is a fierce lip-syncer, we all saw that when she performed Celebrity Skin a few weeks ago but this week she barely even registered in the lip sync that she shouldn’t have even been a part of.
Monet gets to stay another week and Mayhem goes home. This queen is already iconic, people were rooting for her from the second she turned up as a cast member. She was a front-runner and seeing her go in week 5 is a shock. Go see this incredible queen on tour if she’s coming anywhere near you, go and buy her merch to support her and if you wanna see more of her, go watch the movie Cherry Pop where she takes on a starring role beside other Drag Race Alumni. Support this goddamn fierce queen who is truly the Queen of the Party.
That’s it for this week, next week is apparently going to be all about preparing panels for Drag Con so that’ll be a fun piece of advertising for a convention I’ll never be able to go too. Alright everyone, see you next time.
Top 5 Lines
Ross Matthews: Oh, you have Rossed the line with me
Blair St Clair & Monique Heart: VANJIE! VANJIE! VANJIE!
Miz Cracker: This isn’t even about my brand new best-selling book “Dill With It, Learning to Enjoy and Relish Life by Opening A Brand New Jar of Joy”
Aquaria: I look like Linda Evangelista, I’m a Model. I can walk on this runway in a diaper and they would eat me up!
Asia O’Hara: If there’s any mess, this ho is ready to fight and I’m not going to be a part of it, my teeth were too expensive.