I present to you this rose to say that I want you to stay another week while we discuss all the goings on in the world of RuPaul’s Drag Race All Stars 3. There has been a lot going on this week and it’s a real bitch-elor so now we should begin the process of going beat by beat to see just how we got to this new spot in Drag Race Herstory.
So the episode opens just after the elimination last week with Thorgy’s childish drawing as the main topic of conversation. Shangela understands that Thorgy was upset, Milk is adamant that it’s a joke, Bebe refuses to say “Penis” and Kennedy is mad about a dick. I kind of have to agree with Kennedy honestly because while I get that it must be upsetting to be the 2nd queen eliminated, the extra level of petty is not cute at all.
What’s even less cute, and has now gone to just annoying, is Milk trying to seem like she’s above Kennedy and that Kennedy isn’t “taking drag to an all star level” which is a little bit bitchy in the not fun way. Don’t get me wrong, I love a good bitchy queen but there is a line when it goes from being light-hearted reads to just being an annoying bitch and it upsets me to say that about Milk because Milk is a goddamn fierce queen who could do anything she set her mind to but her attitude this season isn’t cute. Milk also brings up the idea that Thorgy’s problem in the last challenge was that Stevie Nicks isn’t current… my counterpoint would be that really none of the divas were ‘current’, they’re classic divas but they certainly aren’t current. Heck, Mariah isn’t even a current diva, she’s a punchline that’s wheeled out at new years to poorly lip sync a song and not try cos she’s above it. So yeah, that whole “Not current” argument does nothing for me.
We then get this strange moment where BenDeLaCreme is asked to explain her decision of why she wanted to send Thorgy home and she refuses to actually say why she did it. BenDeLaCreme seems to be holding back, she’s calculating everything because she knows that everything she says is going to be scrutinised by a rabid fanbase. Hell, look at what I’m doing now? I’m dedicating hundreds of words to tearing apart what each queen says and does in order to understand them and I can imagine that is not something BenDeLaCreme want’s to deal with, but being obviously calculating and trying to work out every syllable just right is not sustainable. Look up the concept of Ego Depletion, it explains a lot about reality TV in general but basically, there is only so long that you’re able to maintain a certain amount of self-control and once you use that up, you’re going to crash. Ben’s using a lot of self-control and I’m worried what’ll happen when the crash happens.
So this week the main challenge for this week is an improv show where the queens will take on a parody of The Bachelor called The Bitchelor. I particularly love the iconic title card with the eggplant where the I is, that’s such a fun little touch. I will admit though, I’m finding the lack of mini challenges disturbing. This seemed like the kind of challenge where it’d make sense for the girls to do some silly competitive thing where they’ll get to pair people up or assign character traits but nope, we don’t get that here. We just get the girls being handed their roles and told to go. I’ll bring up what their characters are when we come to that part but suffice to say, for now, we have some really interesting matchups that seem designed to let one person shine while the other person flounders. Also, clocked the line that clearly Ru recorded in a studio later. Listen carefully, you can tell when it happens. Just saying, the sound editors might want to work on blending.
When the queens are getting ready we see a few things coming out that seem to be a trend. Like Bebe the African princess character, I love Bebe but I really wish she had tried something else, if she had gone with Ben’s idea of the Catholic girl who only does anal so she’s still technically a virgin it could’ve been fun to see. I’ve seen Bebe as the regal goddess we know and love, I want to see her being goofier. Hopefully, next week when we do Snatch Game she’ll give it a shot. We also get a peek into Chi Chi being intimidated and it’s sad cos I really think she could’ve done this but she got in her own head. We’ve seen her pull off comedy, we saw it last season during the snatch game that Chi Chi can be hilarious so I really wanted to see her pull this off. The other stray observation I have is that Milk talking about actually stalking her boyfriend is… well, creepy is polite. I hope he knew about that BEFORE the show otherwise that’s awkward.
So they begin the Bitchelor shoot and the first queen out is Bebe as her Virgin character and I give her credit for making her African princess character funny. The put enough little quirks in it and the repeated getting on her knees to pray was hilariously adorable. She was, however, instantly beaten by her partner BenDeLaCreme as the Cougar who came out drunk, tits out and her vagina flashing. She absolutely went for broke and basically made Jennifer Coolidge’s character in American Pie seem subtle.
Trixie came out at the fake bitch, except she was really a bitch and it was everything. Every single line coming out of her mouth was hilarious and cutting and I’m here for that running gag of her getting Jeffrey’s name wrong because it was hilarious. She really committed to her character. Meanwhile, Milk’s character should be committed. Milk as the stalker was clearly on meth and there was no scenery left because she chewed it all but in a very uncomfortable way. They obviously are going to camp it up but you still need to have somewhere to go and what we see when Milk walks out of the bushes is pretty much all we’ve got.
Aja is next as the needy girl, also known as Farrah Moan. She had some moments that were funny, her going into psycho mode during the confessionals was kind of hilarious but it wasn’t a needy girl, she was playing Farrah Moan right down to stealing the “You don’t love me” line. Someone who absolutely got what they were doing was Kennedy Davenport who was the Party Girl and she just went all in. She has a way with comedy characters and she absolutely brought this one out of nowhere. Everything from the teeth to the impossible figure, it’s all incredible and she has such great comedic chops.
Last out of the gate is Shangela and Chi Chi who are the polyamorous couple. Shangela is giving me a business lesbian and is delivering every punchline with gusto and clearly having a ball. Chi Chi is trying to give a Jennifer Tilly-style performance but she keeps pushing her best possible jokes over to Shangela which is a little upsetting because she has got a good character but isn’t going for it as much as she could.
Now it’s onto the double dates and to save time, I’m going to bullet point the best moments of the entire sequence.
- BenDeLaCreme deep throating a banana and then spitting it up before eating it again is hilarious and steals the show, especially with the line “Have you ever taken out a catheter?”.
- Trixie could’ve easily won this with her character, she absolutely killed it and whenever she could get a line out it killed, especially “He’s an LA 2” which needs to be a thing, but Milk was steamrolling over her by being a loud irritating unfunny brat. I’m honestly impressed that Trixie didn’t just slap her.
- Kennedy somehow stuffed 3 shot glasses and a bottle of vodka in that outfit. I do not know how the hell she did that, I don’t know where all that went and how she moved with all that in her outfit but it’s just stunning. Also, her blunt response to “What’s your favourite part of my body” being “The dick”… I have found my spirit animal.
- I feel so bad for Chi Chi. I really do. She’s got so many chances for good jokes but she keeps pushing for Shangela to answer the setups and fortunately for her, Shangela has a dozen jokes that she can throw out and she shines. The only time Chi Chi get’s a laugh is with her baritone “You wanna have my baby?” line and it just upsets me that she didn’t have that kind of joke during the majority of the skit.
So the winner of the Bitchelor is… RuPaul. RuPaul get’s the eggplant and they have a pretty awesome Officer and a Gentleman riff that really works just because it’s so silly. The entire thing is silly in the best way.
The runway this week is Wigs on Wigs on Wigs, inspired by the iconic Roxxxy Andrews wig reveal. It’s going to be fun seeing the ways these queens are able to put their own personalities in this specific challenge. There are so many ways to make a wig reveal work and there are so many ways that it could go wrong, every single queen has a good chance to pull something out that’ll impress. So let’s go through what they produced.
BenDeLaCreme came out in a little black skirt and went from an almost carbon copy of what Michelle Visage had on her head to a gorgeous 3 feet long wig that looked fabulous as hell. It was then topped when she tore her skirt down to reveal a full-length dress made of wigs. This is just iconic, she managed to mix her comedy style with the challenge and kept one-upping herself by adding a genuinely surprising reveal.
Next up is Bebe who presented a big fancy updo and kind of thing that was bubbly and flawless. It’s the exact look I expect from Bebe and then she basically unravelled it to reveal an anal-bead style hairdo. It’s not nearly as impressive a reveal as I expected, but I loved it.
Trixie came out in full Lady Bunny fantasy, down to the kind of outfit she has on and really any reference to Lady Bunny is lovely, especially seeing one where Bunny can appear to be thin. She then does a double reveal so she goes from Bunny to Naomi Smalls and I genuinely love it, the short wig does wonders for her.
Milk comes out and goes from this weird wig that kind of reminds me of that giant red monster from Looney Tunes and then reveals this I Dream of Jeannie number with hair she can pull out. I wish she hadn’t though, I wish she’d not tried to add interactivity to that hair because by doing so it revealed the black holder that creates that shape and it looked cheap which sucks because I love what she did with that combo of the wig and outfit. I also kind of wish that the smaller wig was the same colour as the first wig, cos that screws with the effect she was going for.
Aja has this full anime fantasy look with the giant eyes and plastic hair and it’s adorably over the top, but then the plastic hair comes off and reveals a small yellow wig which was precious, and then she pulled that wig off for a purple final wig which means she is the first one of the bunch to actually do Wigs on Wigs on Wigs, note there are 3 wigs there so a double wig reveal is something I thought I’d see more of and Aja’s was pretty perfect.
Kennedy walks out in an amazing wig that’s very much like the Diana Ross wig that Bebe had on last week. She also follows the title of Wigs on Wigs on Wigs because that big wig goes off to show a beautiful pink wig and then that one comes off to show off a shorter one. The miracle is that every wig fits perfectly with her outfit, each time turning it into a completely different look and she does it effortlessly.
Chi Chi then comes out in a wig that’s almost the same one Kennedy had on, before it’s taken off to show a beautiful long black wig that’s just growing out of her head. It’s stunning, everything about her look is stunning. I’m stunned, this is a stunner.
Shangela comes out as corn. I’m so down for this. I’m down for Shangela taking the things that people laughed at her for in the past and blowing them up to brand new heights of fabulousness. When she took off her fake corn hair to reveal this Sigmund and the Seamonster style hair with bits of popcorn I was done because that is amazing, a clever use of the material and it’s just fun while also being classy. Plus, anytime someone wears green in front of Michelle I’m a happy guy.
The safe queens are Bebe and Shangela and I can understand that. Shangela was amazing, she’s a high safe, and Bebe was just in the middle. Both of them are going to be so fun next week. The top three are BenDeLaCreme, Trixie Mattel and Kennedy Davenport which feels correct. The understandable reason that Trixie isn’t top two is that Milk kept running over her. Speaking of, this week we have an actual bottom three with Milk, Chi Chi and Aja. It does kind of annoy me how they go between a bottom two and a bottom three, they did that last season and it bugged me then because it feels designed to specifically remove one queen. I honestly think it should just be a bottom three every week because then that creates a more interesting decision at the end because it could be anyone, plus it’s just sloppy and no one likes a sloppy bottom.
The top two is between BenDeLaCreme and Kennedy Davenport and it’s kind of nice seeing Kennedy just stating that she wasn’t going to bother with listening to people beg for their lives which I’m honestly Ok with. If you know what you’re going to do, why bother with making people beg for their lives? Also, Shangela has my favourite confessional moment ever that’s just so insane but it works with her. It’s in response to Milk claiming that she didn’t expect to be in the bottom and thinking she was doing so much better than she did. Here’s the line.
I don’t know how she’s this delusional. How- Somebody put something in her cocktail. Cosby?
That was just delivered so perfectly and was such a gasper of a line that I genuinely love.
So the top two go out to lip sync to Green Light by Lorde and right from the moment they step on stage I knew something was coming. Kennedy has a gorgeous black robe and a giant wig on her and BenDeLaCreme is in this lipstick print outfit. You can tell Kennedy is going to give a show and sure enough, she does. Every lyric is perfect and she barely moves, only making slow motions to remove the robe and revealing a gorgeous glittering gown and then a wig reveal. She does this powerful emotional lip sync that destroys everyone because it’s so beautifully subdued and subtle and it works. BenDeLaCreme… OK, I’m going to offer a theory. Ben’s lip sync is great, but right at the start she flips her hair to cover her face and it’s very distracting and just didn’t work. So conspiracy theory (This is probably me reading into things) but is BenDeLaCreme throwing the lip syncs? We all saw how the decision to eliminate Morgan devastated her and she keeps winning but last week her lip sync lost momentum, this week it’s the hair thing. I’m just saying, if she is throwing them to avoid sending queens home I respect that so much. I also am aware that’s probably not what’s happening, but it’s still funny to think.
So the lip sync ends and Kennedy is the winner and she decides, easily, to send Milk home. She makes it very clear why she’s doing it too by pointing out she took in things that happened on and off screen, which means that Milk’s attitude in the workroom is probably what got her sent home. I might not agree with it (Love her but… Chi Chi’s pulling a Roxxxy Andrews at this point) but I understand it because I get how someones negative attitude could get annoying at this point. I find it interesting though that the infamous ‘pact’ that they made in the first week has seemingly never been followed. It’s not actually the weakest queen that week going home, it’s whoever’s causing the drama and not actually doing the worst in the challenges. That’s a little bit of a twist right there.
So we end another week of this, next week it’s time for Snatch Game and hopefully, soon we’re going to learn just what the queens do when Chad and Alaska come to take them away.