The Top 10 Worst Films Of 2017

In 2017 I made myself a promise. That promise was I was going to try and see as many films as I possibly could and while it’s allowed me to see some great films I might’ve missed (They’re on my other list, my nice list, along with my rules for what will go on these lists so go back and check that), it also made me see some awful movies I wish I’d not seen. Same rules from my good list apply here, and remember that these are just my opinions. If you liked these movies, great, good for you. I didn’t and I will gladly explain why I loathed them. These aren’t just films I didn’t like for silly reasons, these are films I never wish to see again in my life and possibly even after it.

Here is my list of the Top 10 worst films of 2017.

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The Top 10 Best Films of 2017

In 2017 I made the decision to try and see every film that came out around June and review them. That decision lead to this blog, to a brief stint as a contributor to Moviepilot and even a chance to be an official reviewer at a film festival. I look forward to doing this for 2018 and doing it from the beginning of the year but right now, like every single person who ever does a large number of reviews I have a best and worst list to produce. Just to make sure the parameters are known to everyone, here are the guidelines I’m using for this and the next list.

  • I did not see every film. I missed the first third of the year cos I wasn’t doing this all year (Though I did try to catch up), and I missed pretty much everything in October due to poor planning and University stuff so if something from those times isn’t on the list that probably should be, that’d be why.
  • Only films released in Australia in 2017 are going to be on this list. This means wide releases, not just festival screenings. This means films like All The Money In The World, Three Billboards Outside Ebbing Missouri, The Shape Of Water Or Ladybird, among others, aren’t popping up here because I have no legal way of seeing them and thus can’t include them. They’ll be eligible for the 2018 list and hopefully by then maybe Hollywood will stop being idiots and just release a movie worldwide on the same day instead of making some countries wait 3 months and then wonder why there’s piracy. So if there’s a film you think should be here, check IMDB for its release date in Australia and that’ll answer that.
  • Netflix films are totally eligible for both lists. Indeed any video on demand movie is available for scrutiny, no matter how they had to release it.
  • These are merely my opinions and you are absolutely entitled to disagree with me for any reason, go nuts, make your own list in the comments or question my order. That’s fine. What’s not fine is just saying “Your list sucks” with no reason behind it, critique is fine but blind attacks with no reason isn’t. Again, just my opinion.

With that said, before we get to the list, I have one special mention…

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Gone Too Soon: An Analysis Of ‘Scream Queens’

Uploaded to MoviePilot on October 16

A short written series I did about cancelled shows, this is the last one and I probably won’t bring these back but… who knows?

Also, this is the last article from my MoviePilot days, thanks for bearing with me while I did this, back to regular reviews after this.

Welcome to the sixth instalment of “Gone Too Soon” where I talk about cancelled TV series that were cancelled after one or two seasons. I will be exploring what worked, what didn’t work and why it might have failed to get an audience. Last time I talked about the one season long show Fear Itself. This time we’re going to be looking at the two season-long Scream Queens but before we start, THEME MUSIC!

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Gone Too Soon: An Analysis Of ‘Fear Itself’

Uploaded to MoviePilot on October 2nd

A short written series I did about cancelled shows, there’s one more after this and I probably won’t bring these back but… who knows?

Welcome to the fifth instalment of “Gone Too Soon” where I talk about cancelled TV series that were cancelled after one or two seasons. I will be exploring what worked, what didn’t work and why it might have failed to get an audience. Last time I talked about the one season wonder long show Pinky, Elmyra And The Brain. This time we’re going to be looking at the one season long show Fear Itself but before we start, THEME MUSIC!

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Why Has ‘Mother!’ Failed To Charm Mainstream Audiences?

It’s not often that a film scores a perfect F on Cinemascore, but that’s the feat that mother! has pulled off. It joins such illustrious films as I Know Who Killed Me and Disaster Movie in achieving this. Audiences are, in general, not really taking to this film. I’m one of those audience members who really does not care for this film (To put it lightly), so here are five reasons why audiences are not loving the film. WARNING: I will be spoiling key elements of the movie in this article and it will not be under a spoiler cut, so if you want to go into the movie blind, bookmark and come back later.

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Gone Too Soon: An Analysis Of ‘Pinky, Elmyra And The Brain’

Uploaded to MoviePilot on September 18th

A short written series I did about cancelled shows, there are a few others and I probably won’t bring these back but… who knows?

Welcome to the fourth instalment of “Gone Too Soon” where I talk about cancelled TV series that were cancelled after one or two seasons. I will be exploring what worked, what didn’t work and why it might have failed to get an audience. Last time I talked about the one season wonder Kitchen Confidential. This time we’re going to be looking at the one season long show Pinky, Elmyra And The Brain but before we start, THEME MUSIC!

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We Need To Talk About Rotten Tomatoes

Uploaded to MoviePilot on the 14th September, 2017

So, this one I actually am going to upload something different than the rest of them. Everything else I’ve copied from my Creators/MoviePilot account I did minor edit’s to fix typos I noticed but here I’m gonna upload the original version of my Rotten Tomatoes piece because when I uploaded it, the piece got edited down to 2000 words and I feel like a lot of the punch was removed from the piece in that form. I did the edits there because I understood it was their site and their standards had to be abided by… it’s my site now, the only standards that matter here are my own so here’s my original version. It might have fewer pictures than it probably should because I can’t find all the ones I used originally, but the text is what matters. Warning, this one’s long, go get a drink.

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How Hollywood Could’ve Made A Good ‘Emoji Movie’. You Know, If They Actually Tried!

So… how about The Emoji Movie huh? That sure was a movie. Oh god, that was a movie, can you believe how much of a movie that movie was? It was totally a movie that just… kill me.

So I’ve talked before about the concept of bad movies and how the thing that makes a bad movie watchable is a sense of passion. You can read all about those thoughts in my totally cool article about good bad movies. This movie is not one of those, it’s a bad bad movie with a bad bad plot by bad bad writers with a bad bad concept. While a lot has been said about how bad this movie is, what’s never mentioned is that the idea of a film about Emoji’s isn’t exactly awful. It could work, it could absolutely work, it just needs to be altered a little.

Since I had to suffer through an hour and a half of The Emoji Movie, here is my pitch for a version that would be infinitely better than the one we got. Granted, that’s not saying much, but still.

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Gone Too Soon: An Analysis Of ‘Kitchen Confidential’

Uploaded to MoviePilot on September 5th

A short written series I did about cancelled shows, there are a few others and I probably won’t bring these back but… who knows?

Welcome to the third instalment of “Gone Too Soon” where I talk about cancelled TV series that were cancelled after one or two seasons. I will be exploring what worked, what didn’t work and why it might have failed to get an audience. Last time I talked about the two season stunner Eli Stone. This time we’re going to be looking at the one season wonder Kitchen Confidential but before we start, THEME MUSIC!

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David Hasselhoff Music Videos: The Definitive Ranking

On August 6, Marvel unveiled their latest advertising gimmick for the Guardian’s Of The Galaxy DVD. That gimmick? A great slice of retro cheese in the form of a music video starring the king of the 80s and 90s, David Hasselhoff.

Upon watching it I was thrilled because I genuinely love David Hasselhoff music videos and indeed his music in general. Sure he’s not the greatest singer, but I’ll be damned if he’s not having the most fun. I think the viral nature of this video means it’s safe to say that the world is finally ready to catch up with this iconic musical artist in all his glory.

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