Last year, around this time, the 2017 Oscars happened and I looked at the Best Picture nominees and I’d seen none of them. NONE. Not a single one of those movies was one that I saw. I would eventually see Hidden Figures but every other movie? Nope. That lead me to try and see every film and, in turn, led to this blog where I can now give my actual opinions on the Oscars since, with the exception of Phantom Thread, I’ve seen pretty much all the nominees. As of right now I haven’t found anywhere that’ll show Phantom Thread near me so I can see it, maybe that’ll change between now and Oscar day but until then, here are my picks.
Of all the movies to become obsessed over, why did this have to be the one to grab hold of me? For over a week now I can’t get this film out of my head and not because it’s good. No, my problem with this film is that it’s actually fixable and could’ve been watchable with some mild tweaks. Admittedly, they were mild tweaks that were never going to happen because E.L. James has complete creative control and she is the worst writer to currently be published but still, this was salvageable.
What follows is me going through the film, figuring out what elements could change to make it work. I will be spoiling large amounts of the story, but if you’re reading this then chances are you either saw the film already and are curious how it could ever be salvaged or you don’t plan on seeing it. Keep in mind that I’m only worried about the film. I am treating this like its own original work and not as an adaptation, mostly cos I’m not reading the damn books.
Before we get to that though, we have to deal with a fundamental problem that would require redoing the entire trilogy from the start.
That’s the headline that was used for quite possibly the worst of all takes on the 50 Shades of Grey franchise. Just read over that again and if you’ve seen the 50 Shades movies (Or read my reviews for Darker or Freed) then you’ll begin to notice why I was laughing uncontrollably reading this. I want to state, for the record, I have no ill will towards Variety or the author, I’ve got a sickening feeling this is something written either out of naivety or the studio paid for it in order to try and distract from the narrative but here’s the thing, either way, this isn’t OK and so I’m going to go through the article and list all the problems with it… because clearly, someone has to.
In 2017 I made myself a promise. That promise was I was going to try and see as many films as I possibly could and while it’s allowed me to see some great films I might’ve missed (They’re on my other list, my nice list, along with my rules for what will go on these lists so go back and check that), it also made me see some awful movies I wish I’d not seen. Same rules from my good list apply here, and remember that these are just my opinions. If you liked these movies, great, good for you. I didn’t and I will gladly explain why I loathed them. These aren’t just films I didn’t like for silly reasons, these are films I never wish to see again in my life and possibly even after it.
Here is my list of the Top 10 worst films of 2017.
In 2017 I made the decision to try and see every film that came out around June and review them. That decision lead to this blog, to a brief stint as a contributor to Moviepilot and even a chance to be an official reviewer at a film festival. I look forward to doing this for 2018 and doing it from the beginning of the year but right now, like every single person who ever does a large number of reviews I have a best and worst list to produce. Just to make sure the parameters are known to everyone, here are the guidelines I’m using for this and the next list.
- I did not see every film. I missed the first third of the year cos I wasn’t doing this all year (Though I did try to catch up), and I missed pretty much everything in October due to poor planning and University stuff so if something from those times isn’t on the list that probably should be, that’d be why.
- Only films released in Australia in 2017 are going to be on this list. This means wide releases, not just festival screenings. This means films like All The Money In The World, Three Billboards Outside Ebbing Missouri, The Shape Of Water Or Ladybird, among others, aren’t popping up here because I have no legal way of seeing them and thus can’t include them. They’ll be eligible for the 2018 list and hopefully by then maybe Hollywood will stop being idiots and just release a movie worldwide on the same day instead of making some countries wait 3 months and then wonder why there’s piracy. So if there’s a film you think should be here, check IMDB for its release date in Australia and that’ll answer that.
- Netflix films are totally eligible for both lists. Indeed any video on demand movie is available for scrutiny, no matter how they had to release it.
- These are merely my opinions and you are absolutely entitled to disagree with me for any reason, go nuts, make your own list in the comments or question my order. That’s fine. What’s not fine is just saying “Your list sucks” with no reason behind it, critique is fine but blind attacks with no reason isn’t. Again, just my opinion.
With that said, before we get to the list, I have one special mention…
Uploaded to MoviePilot on October 16
A short written series I did about cancelled shows, this is the last one and I probably won’t bring these back but… who knows?
Also, this is the last article from my MoviePilot days, thanks for bearing with me while I did this, back to regular reviews after this.
Welcome to the sixth instalment of “Gone Too Soon” where I talk about cancelled TV series that were cancelled after one or two seasons. I will be exploring what worked, what didn’t work and why it might have failed to get an audience. Last time I talked about the one season long show Fear Itself. This time we’re going to be looking at the two season-long Scream Queens but before we start, THEME MUSIC!
Uploaded to MoviePilot on October 2nd
A short written series I did about cancelled shows, there’s one more after this and I probably won’t bring these back but… who knows?
Welcome to the fifth instalment of “Gone Too Soon” where I talk about cancelled TV series that were cancelled after one or two seasons. I will be exploring what worked, what didn’t work and why it might have failed to get an audience. Last time I talked about the one season wonder long show Pinky, Elmyra And The Brain. This time we’re going to be looking at the one season long show Fear Itself but before we start, THEME MUSIC!
It’s not often that a film scores a perfect F on Cinemascore, but that’s the feat that mother! has pulled off. It joins such illustrious films as I Know Who Killed Me and Disaster Movie in achieving this. Audiences are, in general, not really taking to this film. I’m one of those audience members who really does not care for this film (To put it lightly), so here are five reasons why audiences are not loving the film. WARNING: I will be spoiling key elements of the movie in this article and it will not be under a spoiler cut, so if you want to go into the movie blind, bookmark and come back later.
Uploaded to MoviePilot on September 18th
A short written series I did about cancelled shows, there are a few others and I probably won’t bring these back but… who knows?
Welcome to the fourth instalment of “Gone Too Soon” where I talk about cancelled TV series that were cancelled after one or two seasons. I will be exploring what worked, what didn’t work and why it might have failed to get an audience. Last time I talked about the one season wonder Kitchen Confidential. This time we’re going to be looking at the one season long show Pinky, Elmyra And The Brain but before we start, THEME MUSIC!
Uploaded to MoviePilot on the 14th September, 2017
So, this one I actually am going to upload something different than the rest of them. Everything else I’ve copied from my Creators/MoviePilot account I did minor edit’s to fix typos I noticed but here I’m gonna upload the original version of my Rotten Tomatoes piece because when I uploaded it, the piece got edited down to 2000 words and I feel like a lot of the punch was removed from the piece in that form. I did the edits there because I understood it was their site and their standards had to be abided by… it’s my site now, the only standards that matter here are my own so here’s my original version. It might have fewer pictures than it probably should because I can’t find all the ones I used originally, but the text is what matters. Warning, this one’s long, go get a drink.