The time has come for the episode that happens almost every single season that this show has been on the air, the episode where every single eliminated queen comes back to fight for the chance to return. It’s a moment that somehow still surprises every girl even though they HAVE to know that a queen’s coming back at some point. Well, this week it looks like it could be a lot more than just one girl, it could theoretically be all four coming back
Enter The Werkroom
So the workroom really consists of the same thing that we see any time the queens come back, the eliminated queens questioning why they were sent home. There are some very cute moments here, I love that Jasmine just doesn’t care. She’s happy that she’s there, she wouldn’t change a single thing about what she did and she looks incredible. Jasmine is one of those queens that you just want to sit down with a cup of coffee and watch her talk for an hour about literally anything that she wants. I also loved seeing Farrah getting praise for her outfit because she always looks stunning and it’s about damn time she got credit for it.
Finally, we get to see if Willam was telling the truth months ago when she said that both queens would’ve sent Valentina home, and she was right. Now, this does raise the question of whether Ru did that intentionally or if they just thought that five lip syncs would be too much. Honestly, I don’t think that Ru did this just to save Valentina, I do think that they really wanted to have the top two just have immunity as a big prize for the week. That being said though, I wish they had eliminated her and given us five lip syncs later on. It would’ve been the most dramatic exit, and then the very same episode it would’ve been even more dramatic. Plus it really would mean that anyone could potentially go home, it would’ve been the kind of gag-worthy moment that would never be forgotten.
The main challenge, and the only thing that’s worth talking about this week, is the lip-sync LaLaPaRuZa. Nothing else about the episode matters, nothing. The runway? Everyone dressed so they could perform their best, with the exception of Manila and Monet. The preparation in the workroom? OK, let’s power through it. Latrice was upset about Monique sending her home, Gia stirred the pot (Though there were a lot more comedic moments in her pot stirring, I genuinely wish we’d seen this Gia for the start of the season), Naomi got no screen time, Farrah has magical makeup that blends and unblends and blends again (Seriously, look at how the talk between her and Trinity is edited. I mean, they just used images of her saying “Yeah” so why can’t you get the editing order right?). There, I’ve now told you everything that matters in the workroom and even that feels like I spent too much time on it. So, one by one we’re going to go through the lip syncs and talk about the most insanely fun episode ever that I hope becomes a regular element of All Stars.
So, FIRST LIP SYNC: Jasmine V Trinity
Even though this is the first lip sync of the night, Jasmine was the last one to pick which means that she had to have whoever no one else wanted to lip sync against. Trinity being the one that everyone else didn’t want to lip sync against should tell you everything about how good a performer she is. She’s so good that everyone knew they would lose if they went up against her. This isn’t to say Jasmine isn’t a fierce performer, because she is one hell of a performer. If you recall her season seven lip sync, she delivered some insane chorography and when she knows her words, it’s something special. We also know that Trinity is going to give us a reveal because her outfit is so obviously hiding a reveal that it may as well have been worn on the finale of Season 10.
Four members of the pit crew come out holding a suitcase with a RuPaul song in them. For the record, I would like to thank whatever cameraman got the job of getting the close up of the suitcases made sure that every single time they got not just the suitcases but the bulge as well. They knew their audience was gay men and women, they gave them what they wanted and every single time it’s a different shot, they didn’t just edit out the missing number. I appreciate this dedication to indulging the audience in what they’re here for. The first suitcase picked is 3 and we get to see a lip sync to Peanut Butter. The Full song too, not a minute and a half edit like we see every other week.
Jasmine Masters comes out strong, looking great with her giant wig that looks just right on her with some really good moves that get people going. When she shakes that head and that wig moves… I mean, that’s just her hair growing out of her damn head. She looks so good but was I the only one who noticed that she didn’t seem to know her words? There were so many moments where I don’t even think her mouth moved because she seemed to think that her dance motions would save her. There were also moments when she was clearly lip-syncing something else, those were not the words that were being sung on the track.
Trinity, meanwhile, delivered the kind of hyper energetic performance that made Trinity the one performer that no other queen wanted to go against because it’s incredible. She knows every syllable, her dance moves are insane and she uses every single cc of silicone in that ass to show us that it really must be jelly because jam does not shake like that. She brought the house down; she pulled off one of the most iconic performances to hit that main stage.
To the shock of no one, Trinity wins this lip sync meaning that Jasmine, the iconic Jush queen, goes home. She’s still one of the most delightful queens to ever be on this show and even though we only got a few episodes with her, I hope it’s enough for people to see what a stunning queen she actually is and to get out to see her if she’s near you or to buy as much of her merch as you can (Though, girl, get an online store and don’t just sell it over DM’s on Instagram)
SECOND LIP SYNC: Farrah V Valentina
Even though Farrah only had a choice of two, we all knew this was easily going to be the one she’d have picked had she gone first. She picked Valentina and I’m here for this dramatic conclusion to the Farrah V Valentina storyline that we’ve been building since the end of their original season. We’re down to three songs and three pit crew members come out (Thankyou Cameraman!) and the girls have to lip-sync to Kitty Girl. I do kind of wish they had picked the version of Kitty Girl featuring the top 4 from All Stars 3 because I would’ve loved to have seen how they interpreted each of those queen’s verses.
Farrah is showing just how amazing a performer she is. She looks like a pop princess with all the moves you would expect that to move. Her hair is going everywhere, including over her face and she’s hitting every word. It’s a genuinely brilliant performance that is so awesome that it even makes Gia root for her, and Gia freaking hated her at the time (Keep in mind, this is like 6 months old so EVERY one of these fights are so long ago that the queens moved on). Honestly, it could’ve made her stay… had she not been up against one specific person.
Valentina could’ve won Season 9. Easily. We now have all the evidence that we need to know that if she had just had the ability to suck it up and learn the words to that one Ariana Grande song, she’d be the one wearing the crown because god damn it she is a lip sync assassin. Beyond knowing every syllable and dancing like there was no tomorrow, she understood the song. She got in jokes about being a cat, she got in high energy dance moves and her hair NEVER went in front of her face because there is nothing that’s going to be covering that mug. Because Valentina is a legitimate genius, her lips were just as shiny as her outfit so you had no choice but to stare at them and see that she just killed it. Valentina wants this more than literally anyone else in that room has ever wanted anything in their lives and unless someone sends her home, she’s going to win the season. This lip sync has convinced me that she is the one to beat, I was waiting for that moment and today I got it.
Valentina wins because there is literally no other way for this to end. Farrah was great, there is no denying that and I do not want to see anyone saying otherwise. She is an amazing queen, go see her if you can and buy all her merch because she clearly needs to buy a pair of pants that covers that ass.
THIRD LIP SYNC: Gia V Naomi
Gia got to have the choice of just about anybody and she ended up picking Naomi, the queen that has apparently been here the entire time but I’ll be damned if anyone told the editors about that. I mean, seriously, I think Stacy Layne Matthews has gotten more screen time this season than she has so now there is no way anyone can sleep on her… I mean, they have been, next week she will undoubtedly only be seen in reflections on the mirror or as colours of the wind but until then, for now she has screen time (have you noticed that I’m bitter about the edit she’s getting? I feel I’m being subtle about it). The song that the queens are doing for this one is Adrenaline, a song that I don’t think is one of the first ones people think of when they think of RuPaul but it’s a damn good song to pick.
Gia Gunn is a great queen who really brings the look. He reveal was an actual surprise into a dancing outfit that looks so good under the lights and lets her really produce some great fun moves and she shows that she really can perform her ass off. That wig is practically glued onto her scalp and goes all the way down to the floor and she is serving everything she needs to serve… except lyrics. I genuinely do not know if this is just how the edit made it look or if it’s what Gia actually did but there are several large sections of the song where she doesn’t move her mouth even a little bit. She looks gorgeous and her dancing makes me see why she was in the house of Edwards because I’ve seen those same dance moves come from every single one of the Edwards girls, but the lyrics need to be there.
Naomi decided that she was going to make damn sure she actually got to use her screen time because they can’t ignore her now, and every second was iconic. Her lip sync was iconic; those pillowy lips stand out so much that you cannot miss a single word coming out of her mouth even if you try. Her movements are specific and precise. She doesn’t move a single inch that she doesn’t want to move. When she slid from the back of the stage to the front of the stage, she won. She then decided to commit murder on the stage by basically levitating while she bent backwards at an angle that human beings cannot bend at. A normal human person cannot bend like Naomi did and they certainly can’t do it while looking effortlessly glamorous, lip syncing perfectly and while in heels but she did that and it was the greatest moment of a lip sync full of great moments where Naomi commanded the screen that she finally got to be on.
Naomi won. I mean, was that in doubt for a second there? She won by the time she got done sliding to the front of the stage and that was maybe 45 seconds into the song, everything after that is just part of a murder that was committed on television for the entertainment of thousands. She sends home Gia Gunn – I genuinely wish we could’ve seen more of this version of Gia, the one after she seemed to properly accept herself. She made for good TV and she is a trailblazer, the first openly trans woman to walk onto that stage and she hopefully won’t be the last. Go see her on tour and buy her merch.
FOURTH LIP SYNC: Latrice V Monique
The only one that was a complete free choice and the one that we all knew was happening from the second that this episode started. Latrice came back with a mission, get revenge for the queen who sent her home before her time. It’s insane, it’s epic; get some popcorn before this lip sync because it’s going to be the kind of show that we do not see often. They get to lip sync to the amazing Sissy That Walk, easily the best of the 4 songs available and somehow get’s to be saved for the most anticipated battle of the episode. I could come up with a conspiracy theory about how the producers told the queens what number to pick but I don’t care because this is too damn good.
Latrice does the thing that we all know she knows how to do better than anyone else; she performed a goddamn lip sync for her life. She moved around that stage like she was actually flying. She did kicks and splits and spins and dances, there was a wig reveal that made me scream so loud that I’m fairly certain I set off a car alarm down the street. She delivered a performance that said exactly one thing… “I’m coming back, bitches”. It’s a fascinating fantastic performance that is full of moments that will make gay bars around the planet fill with the screams of happy, hyperactive fans.
Monique did every single thing that Latrice did but in a different outfit. Not even shady, that’s the fact of the matter. She had a reveal, she did splits and she did dance moves that were the definition of brown cow stunning. It was amazing; it was neck and neck the entire way from start to finish. When people think of great lip syncs, this is going to be one of them from now on. You could just see how both queens were determined to make sure that they made their mark on that stage and there is no way on earth that either one of them was going to hold back for even a second.
When it came to picking a winner, no one could call that one. No one, if you say you called it I’m not going to call you a liar… I’m going to call you a big damn liar because that was insane. Latrice was announced as the winner and it really felt good to see her back, but sad because we were going to lose Monique… and then RuPaul decided to give everyone a coronary and say that Monique got to stay too. Monique just fell straight down in another one of those moments that make it clear why she is one of the most lovable queens on the show.
I’m calling it now, this episode is the best of the season. It had every bit of drama one could hope for and some of the most insane lip syncs ever to be on the show. It let us see these queens at their best and made everyone gag again and again. This shows what this show could be if it didn’t lean too heavily on generic reality TV drama. We tune in to see a bunch of queens perform and today we got exactly that. I hope they do this for every single All Stars from now on, get songs other than RuPaul ones (VH1, you literally used to show music videos, you can afford it) and let’s have this kind of fun every year because now we have 7 girls again so now things are going to get intense because we don’t have that long before they’re going to need to get to the end of the season, I feel like we’re going to get some double elimination episodes soon and I’m scared, I’m gooped and I’m ready for it.
See you all next week for one of the most insane main challenges I think I’ve seen on this show.
Farrah: I wish the ‘nobody went home’ thing applied to my episode
Naomi: Can you shut up? You’re safe!
Latrice: One thing we know about you, you’re old school… and you’re old.
RuPaul: Manila Lasagne, I mean, Manila Luzon
Latrice: It is definitely not personal, it’s just personal.
Monique: This is the gay Superbowl!
RuPaul: Hold up, motherfucker, we’ve got a show to do