Oh god, are we back already? It’s not even been a full week and already there’s more Drag Race. I’m going to be completely honest, I was wiped out after All Stars 3. The finale of that season put me in a funk, I felt like all my enthusiasm had been torn from my body and I was just going to be a withered husk of a human being until about midway through the season. Baby, Season 10’s premiere episode revived me, renewed me, rejuvenated me and returned me to the bubbly effervescent being you’re reading right now. You might not be able to see it but I promise you that, right now, I’m lactating with excitement for this season.

5ab4c5a0bb611342553776.gifFrom the moment the episode began it feels like everything’s brand new again. This is clearly the first season where VH1 threw their weight behind the series. Season 9 was still basically a Logo production that just got moved to a different network before they aired it and they didn’t have time to finish the new set in time for All Stars 3 but from the instant we see the redesign for season 10 it’s clear that everything is brighter now than it used to be. The statues of RuPaul that eliminated queens got to take home (And that you can buy for $225) have all been replaced by bright silver awards statues that you can’t buy from a store (Far as I know, if someone finds one let me know so I can dream about having it but never get it because I am a poor), everything is bigger now and it’s so amazing to see.

Every entrance look is a jaw-dropper and I need to comment on all of them, but because I know I need to keep this under eighty thousand words, one or two sentences per queen.

  1. Eureka returning in a gorgeous Phoenix outfit (complete with feathers of death that attack all her competitors) made me so damn happy to see her moving about again.
  2. Asia O’Hara wearing so much fringe that it should be a crime to wear less, it’s incredible.
  3. Miz Cracker walked in with a ball of hair on top of her head screaming about going to dinner and making everyone else uncomfortable with her name (Which I live for).
  4. Yuhua Hamasaki AKA Asian Bianca Del Rio with a gorgeous bright red look that gagged the hell out of me.
  5. Blair St Clair is so damn precious, she has on as much highlighter as Farrah Moan’s left cheek and has a look in her eyes that says she should be throwing her hat in the air while singing that she’s gonna make it after all… and she’s so young that there is no way in hell she would even get that reference.
  6. Monet X Change came in with one hell of a gag, sweeping the floor and having a tearaway to reveal a great spin on Rosie the Riveter.
  7. Kameron Michaels is giving me Kelly Mantle on steroids and I honestly love it, that giant red hair is everything that I needed in my life.
  8. Mayhem Miller has on a red gown that honestly looks better than several FINALE looks. This is what she picked as her entrance look, what the hell is she going to throw at us later? This is going to be special and I’m all for it.
  9. Kalorie Karbdashian Williams may have had on a simple white swimsuit look but holy crap, her body sells it. That is some amazing body construction and I just want to know how the hell you do that. How much tape to make that shape?
  10. Monique Heart came in dripping in gold and looking as light and flowy as possible. I love a good ruffle outfit and every single movement of her body made something sparkle. Also, that eye makeup is amazing. When she reacted to Miz Cracker’s name I’d say about 90% of what made that funny was how amazing her makeup looked and how much it exaggerated her reaction.
  11. Dusty Ray Bottoms looks like she should be on the cover of a punk album and everything about it is dirty and disgusting and I love it. The torn shirt, the frazzled hair, it all works so well with the kind of look that she’s going for and I can’t get enough of it.
  12. The Vixen is giving a lot with her entrance look, there’s a lot of color and shape and it’s one of those looks that made me take a step back at first because it was so intense but after a while, I ended up digging it because it’s so different.
  13. Vanessa Vanjie Mateo has on a gorgeous gold outfit that looks like a version of Kimora Blac’s Season 9 Promo Look but in all gold… I love it. Just one question… did she stone those tights?
  14. Aquaria looked so amazing with that insane black hair and the red dress, the belt buckle on the chest was just a perfect touch. Plus I love her using a portion of her boy hair as an element of the look, makes it so special

5ab4c5f8b81d9847545526.gif14 absolutely amazing queens, that honestly should just be the standard number of queens every season because it just gives us so much variation. After a particularly clever video where RuPaul name drops every single winner, we get something that many fans missed in the last two seasons… a mini challenge. Remember those? Remember how fun they were because it let the queens be silly and free with no real consequences for failure so we’d get to actually see the queens in as many ways as possible? Yeah, me too, and I’m so glad they got a good mini challenge to start it up

5ab4c7302697e402365738.gifIt’s honestly so simple, it’s just a runway walk where the queens have to walk like they’re in a ball while surrounded by former contestants. It’s so fun seeing how the former contestants react, see them cheering on the season 10 queens and enjoying what they’re doing. It’s just a bunch of silly fun, the queens turn it out and getting to have confessionals from former contestants is such a nice touch. The best confessional has to go to Derrick Barry “It looks like there was a hem everywhere, I was impressed” and the best moment easily is Bob the Drag Queen flailing over her drag daughter Miz Cracker.

The winner of the Mini Challenge is Monet X Change who just owned that stage, and is slowly becoming one of my personal favourites. I just hope she ends up getting the prize that she won (Apparently that’s a problem with mini challenge prizes)

5ab4c815702a0426455990.gifSo the main challenge is Drag on a Dime, a redux of the first challenge that was done in the show’s history. I hope they don’t do too many throwback challenges, a few of them are fine to celebrate a decade of this show but I hope we don’t have too many repeats. If we have a Madonna runway, I will be screaming in pain. It’s nice though that the majority of this episode is just watching the queens prepare for the runway and seeing them making their outfits. There’s not much in the way of catty drama yet, we just get to enjoy the process of how they make these elaborate looks. Also, extra happy moment, NO ONE COMPLAINS ABOUT NOT BEING ABLE TO SEW! I don’t know if this is just a season of queens who can work the damn machines or if they just shut the hell up and hot glued the outfit without complaint, but god damn I appreciate that we didn’t have another “Oh I can’t sew” in the first episode.

5ab4c87856d1a494541564.gifThere is really only one moment of drama where Aquaria seems to believe that Miz Cracker is copying her makeup. Now, I admit that I don’t know much about makeup but seriously? Aquaria seems to believe that Miz has the same brows and one look at them shows that they aren’t even close. At BEST you could say that they both have sad brows… that’s not copying and I have a feeling that when this blows up (And it will, these things always do) it’s going to be clear how stupid it is because right now, it’s stupid.

5ab4c8bbf11cf481905928.gifBefore the runway we get the usual montage of the stage being set up but they show former queens as members of the crew and I’m all for it, I really am… why wasn’t there a shot of Wintergreen at the camera? Come on, just put her in every single season and the fans will be thrilled. Sarge will need stunt pay to do it because the man is paid to aim a camera, not tuck his dick in his ass every season but you have VH1 money, spend it.

5ab4c92a762d9819239174.gifThe runway is really good, the looks are wild and glorious and vary in quality but show off that we have got one hell of an eclectic cast. Personal favourite looks include Kameron Michaels with her fake grass look with a face that reminds me of Peggy Bundy in the best way, Mayhem Miller’s gorgeous black mini outfit with the garbage bag dress and glove fascinator, Eureka’s Valley girl look with that amazing hoop skirt, Monique Heart in that goddamn insane card outfit that is a full house of fashion and Miz Cracker looking like she should be going to the races in My Fair Lady.

5ab4ca1b78cb9597040306.gifBefore we even get to the critique, there’s one more truly amazing moment when they introduce Christina Aguilera by pretending she’s Farrah Moan and it’s one of the most gag-worthy entrances in the show’s history. They commit to the joke completely, Christina does a full Farrah Moan impression that is hilarious and then belts out a song. This is the kind of judge that we need to have on every episode. Not only is she willing to get in there with the queens and have fun (She pops in backstage during Untucked and while it’s not quite as insane as when Gaga did it last year, it’s still pretty awesome) but she turned up in full drag, she played along with Ru’s joke for the entrance and had that hilarious shot of her peeking out from behind the curtain. Just saying that every judge needs to get in there with the girls and have fun or they’re not as good as people like Christina or Gaga or Chenoweth.

5ab4caf60c990105884833.gifAfter the judging (Which is intense, Michelle Visage is not fucking around this season and I LOVE IT!) we get our winner and our bottom two. The winner of this weeks challenge is Mayhem Miller, who goddamn deserves it. She’s been someone I heard about before with her epic joint Hey Qween interview with Morgan McMichaels or her scene-stealing performance in Cherry Pop, she’s just someone who seems to be put together and knows just what she want’s to do. She’s fun, she’s talented and I’m team Mayhem from the jump.

5ab4cb5d9b76f422849158.gifBottom two is Vanessa Vanjie and Kalorie Karbdashian who have to perform to Christina Aguilera’s Ain’t No Other Man. Now normally the first episodes lip syncs aren’t exactly great, they’re the first to leave for a reason. Here? Holy crap, this is the best first episode lip sync ever. Both queens absolutely owned that stage and pulled out dance moves and tricks that made you pay attention. They knew their words, they did their dances and both had so many great moments. Vanessa lying over the lights in the front of the stage and lip syncing upside down was so cool, Kalorie twerking during the song was just so fun. It was looking like it was going to be a tie situation, I wouldn’t have objected to a double shante… and then Kalorie pulled Money out of her tits, threw it in the air to make it rain and jumped into the splits at the same time. That was the kind of over the top stunt that makes the audience scream and kept Kalorie in the competition.

5ab4cc2146f83680836940.gifVanessa Vanjie Mateo ended up going home and I’m genuinely sad to see her go. She showed more personality in one episode than a lot of queens show in a full season and I fell completely in love with her. She’s an absolute stunner of a queen who clearly had more to show, if you watch her Watcha Packing you can see the kinds of looks she had prepared. So go, see her on tour if she’s near you, buy the merch on her website, support this incredible queen who should’ve stuck around longer.

This season has a lot to live up to but if this first episode is any indication then we are in for one hell of a ride and I can’t wait until next week to see just what these bitches bring us.

Top Five Favourite Lines

Asia O’Hara (About Miz Cracker): This ho gonna need a nickname

The Vixen: I’m just here to fight!

Monique Heart: If I don’t win, I’m pushing whoever does!

RuPaul: I want to talk about my favourite subject… Bottoms. Dusty Ray Bottoms.

Miz Cracker: There are no accidents in fisting

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