Once Upon A Deadpool (2018) – Once More, With Savage

Released: 12th December
Seen: 19th December

One of the most infamous bad horror movies of the ’80s was a film called Silent Night, Deadly Night Part 2. The internet knows it mostly because of the infamous “GARBAGE DAY” scene that was a meme a while ago. The movie itself is a barely repackaged copy of the original movie, edited down with interstitial scenes featuring the brother of the main character from the first movie and a psychiatrist who literally go over the events of the original film in detail before moving onto a new story in the second half of the film. Beyond the Garbage Day sequence, there wasn’t much about it that was memorable. At best it was a mediocre cash in that barely tried to differentiate itself from the original and was trying to bank on the media uproar that surrounded the original film in the franchise… so, what if someone took the “Repackage an old movie” idea, used a good movie to do it, but didn’t bother to add any new story elements of any kind and just relied on a marketing gimmick in order to make some money? Turns out, that might work but only up to a certain point.

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Second Act (2018) – Intermission

Released: 6th December
Seen: 18th December

Second Act Info
Peter Segal
Justin Zackham
Elaine Goldsmith-Thomas
Jennifer Lopez
Leah Remini
Vanessa Hudgens
Milo Ventimiglia
Freddie Stroma

There is something in a comedy that is more valuable than the script will ever be, an element that a lot of films seem to forget. It’s the chemistry in the cast. A good cast with great chemistry can make absolutely any film work, while a bad cast couldn’t make a Marx Brother’s routine funny. It’s more important than anything else that the cast is able to make a scene feel funny and charming, even when the jokes aren’t exactly the best thing ever… my god, this might be one of the most delightfully charming casts that I’ve ever had the joy of seeing on film.

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The Nutcracker And The Four Realms Header

The Nutcracker and the Four Realms (2018) – Not that Suite

Released: 22nd November
Seen: 17th December

The Nutcracker And The Four Realms Cast & Crew

It’s hard to understate just how popular The Nutcracker ballet actually is. It’s one of the most reproduced ballets you could imagine, representing almost half of what American ballet companies make every year. The score is iconic and has transcended beyond anything that Tchaikovsky could’ve imagined. The show, the music, the story of The Nutcracker is legendary and has lived on for well over a century… which means it’s copyright ran out so Disney can come in, claim it, kill it, pillage the corpse for anything it chooses and leave it as hollow, lifeless and empty as a Tin Soldier.

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Ralph Breaks The Internet (2018) – L̶̗͕͓͈̅͋̑ó̸͙͇͌̐̏a̴̛̮̦̹̻͑̅d̵̡̼͇͐̚͘͝ͅi̴͚̞̦̅̕n̸̮͕͐g̶̛̲̼͐͋̀.̴̨̤̘̞̎̌͒͑.̶̻̜̩͙̈́͘.̸̜̌́

Released: 26 December
Seen: 16th December (Advanced Screening)

Six Years ago, Disney unleashed Wreck-It Ralph onto screens and it was a huge hit. Everyone was floored by how bold it was, a raucous combination of video game characters that we hadn’t seen together before, telling a tale of a video game villain and a video game glitch who we would come to love. It was a monster hit for the company who had only just bought Star Wars that same year. It’s weird to remember that but when the first Wreck-It Ralph came out it was days after Disney bought out Star Wars, cementing their ownership of everyone’s childhoods. In the last year Disney did something similar by buying Fox Entertainment and it raised two big questions

  1. Is anyone going to put a check on this obvious corporate monopoly that’s effectively trying to buy all entertainment as we know it?
  2. …so, when are Storm Troopers going to turn up in a Disney movie and have fights with a Disney princess?

I might not be able to answer the first one, but we now have an answer to the second one.

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Another RuView: All Stars 4, Episode 1

Guess who’s back in the house, heels click-clacking about? That’s right, we’re back for another season of RuPaul’s Drag Race All Stars where I will talk about the stunts, shenanigans and explore deep topics like “Why are they doing this again so soon?” “Why can’t they space these out more?” and “Who allowed so many flats to be worn on All Stars 2?”. We’ll go through, see if we can work out who has a good chance of winning and, now that I no longer have to worry about silly little things like “Assessments” and “Obscenely expensive education to get a degree that I will probably never be able to actually use in any official line of work”, I won’t vanish halfway through the season. So, now let’s begin the season properly by talking about the queen’s entrances and how they’ve grown since their last season.

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Bumblebee (2018) – More Than Meets The Eye

Released: 20th December
Seen: 14th December (Advanced Screening)

Last year the film Transformers: The Last Knight was released to cinemas on June 20th. On July 3rd I walked into a cinema and saw it and I can safely say it was the worst cinematic experience I had in 2017. I hated so much about it, I hated its drab colour scheme and shoddy editing. I hated its stupid dialogue and insipid story. I hated its stupid attempt at using Arthurian mythology. I hated how it wasted legendary actors, and also Mark Wahlberg. I raged about the aspect ratio and the transitions and every aspect of the filmmaking. I raged about that so much that I literally stated that Michael Bay does not know how to make movies. I labelled it the second worst film of the year, and I STILL think I was being very generous when I gave it that title because I don’t know if I should’ve called it a film! So you can imagine how I was not in any way excited about a new Transformers movie. I was prepared to sit there raging in anger and broiling in my own hate-juice while I vomited bile all over the seats around me… and then I went to see the movie, and I got a Christmas miracle.

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Robin Hood (2018) – They Roam About The Forest Looking For Fights

Released: 21st November
Seen: 12th December

 A little over a year ago I watched a film called King Arthur: Legend of the Sword, a retelling of the iconic tale of King Arthur and how he became the legend that we know him as. It was a very fun, albeit critically panned, film that utilized the director’s style to try and breathe some new life into a tale that’s been told so many times that it’s almost comical to think that someone decided that they really needed to retell it… it also bombed spectacularly. SO, what if we did the exact same thing, didn’t use Guy Ritchie as the director and picked that other famous and well-retold story about the medieval era hero who’s pretty good with a weapon? Oh, that would be a bad idea because of obvious reasons? Well, screw that, let’s do it anyway because there is no possible way this could go badly.

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The Kevin Hart Conundrum

Buckle Up

Over the last few days, there’s been a bit of a battle going on over the internet regarding tweets that were made by Kevin Hart in 2011. These tweets came to light because Kevin Hart became the Oscar’s host and since that get’s you in the headlines, people start digging around. When they dug deeper they found there were more than a few homophobic tweets made by the actor.

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Tea With The Dames (2018) – There Is Nothing Like A Dame

Released: 2nd May
Seen: 7th December (Catch-Up Screening)

There is a style of documentary that always feels a little bit strange to me, I call it the capture conversation documentary, these are documentaries that just put a bunch of people in a room and have them just talk. We don’t cut away, it’s not a talking head piece but it’s a film where the people on screen converse as though there isn’t a camera there and we’re a fly on the wall to this discussion. It feels odd because that kind of thing isn’t genuine, these people would never be sitting in a perfect semi-circle and decide amongst themselves to talk about films that they had been in together or about the state of industry when they were young, things that they probably haven’t thought about in ages and certainly wouldn’t be talking about in this manner. So for a film to take this idea and find a way to not only make it feel natural but to also be willing to mock the facade that they’ve put up as part of the framework of this style of documentary is something special.

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Death Wish (2018) – What A Waste Of A Wish

Released: 2nd March
Seen: 6th December (Catch-Up Screening)

During the ’70s and 80’s, there was a series of films called Death Wish where Charles Bronson played a father whose wife and child were attacked in a home invasion and ended up becoming a vigilante to try and put an end to the injustice in the town. While the series was never a hit with critics, audiences ate it up because it was a revenge story that acted as a little bit of escapism, the idea that any man could pick up a gun and save the town was enticing and managed to endure long enough for a run of sequels that became Charles Bronson’s most famous role. So, what if someone took that cult series of films and polished it up to look mostly acceptable and then threw in an actor with no charm, charisma or ability to move at a speed above a lethargic snail with back problems? Yeah… this is not going to be fun.

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